Well the bike I ws interested at LBS was bought already. It truely was a good deal. The good thing is they have another QR Seduza frame in my size. They just need to build it up. Setup is tri/TT.

So you think this is a good thing right? Well yes and no and its a source of my current frustration GRRR!!!!

I go over to the TE member racing result and see what everyone is doing. I miss it terribly!!!

I talked to my housemate tonight about me doing a TT. And she blew her smokestack really big big time. I can't blame her really. I've alluded to some of my past injuries now and then. The skinny is, I almost died at my last crash. After I regained my short term memory after a week or so and a week or so of sheet time (hospital time), I was told by the nuerosurgeon to hang up my cleats for GOOD! There will be no next time. The hospital time and the day of the accident, I really have no recollection whatso ever. Just a hint or spark every once in a while. Like sorta remember of hearing something going beep-beep-beep in the middle of the night and sorta remember people fussing with me while I tried to sleep. I don't think it was just a dream. I think it was some kind of alarm going off...yup I was told I was wired up to some monitors. That was 2001/02. Its not the only serious wreck I've had. I have several under my belt. I've shattered both my collar bones in separate accidents as a starter...

Anyway, I really am not supposed to be riding anymore but I do. My housemate reluctantly lets me ride. I've promissed to not ride on days when I feel off or tired or if the weather isn't nice. And I've kept to my promiss so far.

Now I feel like the my old world is trying to drag me back into it. And I miss it terribly. It's been a sore point for me and I can't really talk with my housemate. It's still a very sore point with her. Sometimes I just want to scream or have someone to commeserate with, someone who understand my need and my reality. ugh life is sometimes so difficult. Sometimes I just feel like those punch drunk boxers way past their prime yet still getting back into the ring.

I really wanted the TT bike but at what cost? I figure its lot safer than a crit where it only takes one fool to take out the pack. or a pelaton on road race. I don't recall anyone on TT crashing (oh wait i've known some solo crashes on TTs). but really...

Maybe I just need someone to put some sense into me. My bro-in-law is no help. My sis and he gave me for a christmas a brand new cycling computer blackburn Delphi 6.0 (the usual gots, HRM gots, altitude etc gots, even has %grade you are climing and descending). The unit I have is like production unit #10 or less. Super new... He thought I should get that QR such a good deal he says. some of the people I used to ride with me are taunting me to do some fun rides. I wish. I miss the road. I miss the fun rides Kaiser pass in Clovis, I miss the Eastern Sierrea up in Mammoth area, I miss all the fun rides in SD, I miss all the fun rides in Orange county area, the ride around the bear (I took my sweet time and still came in well under 8 hours. relaxed close to two hours at feed stations), the breathless in agony ride, High Sierra fun ride in Amador Cty... And there were things like the Redland classic. The bike gave me a sense of freedom to go places at my pace. Stop whenever I felt like it. The lack of automotive noise made it tranquail and I loved it.

Unfortunately I also love speed. And that is where I got into trouble. On a steep descent, I've known to clock over at 60+MPH (100+km/hr) on many occasions. On monitor pass the back side, down ebbets pass on the death rides. Down kaiser pass down past the lakes. down a pass leading to mono lake in Eastern Sierra ride... woo hoo!!!

Anyway, after my accident in 2001 my short term memory has returned but its not as good as it used to be. I still have on occasion not been able to put names on people I work with I can visualize their face but names escapes me from time to time... Yet I still want to ride.

And now TT is beckoning me. I can maintain about 23MPH avg for about 10miles. Good enough to place in Cat4 I think. and this is without to much structured training. Before the crash I could maintain 26MPH solo for about an hour or so even after having ridden 60 miles in a pace line. I don't expect to be competitive anymore still I love to ride.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I just needed to get it off my chest. Now off to wallow in some coffee.

Oh the only thing I don't miss is the offer of EPO and some other stuff which can be had rather easily... BAD BAD stuff.

Shawn