Too many variables!!! BRAIN HURTING!

I find I bike faster when I wear my plain chapstick as opposed to my peach flavored chapstick. I figured it out: With my peach chapstick, it's so yummy that I occasionally lick my lips while riding. At 20mph, wet lips quickly become cold, and the resulting body heat loss slows me down by at least .000000000000072 mph.
From now on it's PLAIN chapstick for me on the road!