Ok this will probably be long and a bit boring, but my essential question is ... Can i give up chocolate?

Not for a week, not for a month, not for a year, i mean forever

I have used chocolate as my coping mechanism forever. I really mean forever. Since i was six and I was left on the other side of the world with people i didnt know for a year... awful time, eating has worked really well as a coping mechanism for me. Six year olds dont have a lot of coping skills and the woman i stayed with ate for comfort, and obviously found that worked to console me as well.

So, here i am at 46 almost 47. Very overweight and very frustrated. I have just been on a big cycling holiday which was heaps of fun except I was carrying an extra 50 kilos all the way round the 220kms we did over 4 days. No fun at all

I want to lose weight, but actually that's not my focus right now. I feel addicted to chocolate. I use it to numb myself - i know some of you will understand that. Other people use alcohol, drugs, probably cycling , but i use chocolate. It works, if i feel sad, angry, frustrated, upset - i can eat chocolate until i feel so sick that i'm almost vomiting (sorry to be gross ) and suddenly that "god i'm gunna be sick" feeling is so much stronger than anything else and my problems "no longer exist" - well until the "i'm gunna be sick" phase wears off - then if the problems are still foremost in my mind, i hit the chocolate again.

sorry, knew this would be long..

so part of me knows i can do this, i've known this for a while, and yesterday was easter sun and i've eaten so much chocolate i feel yuk! right now i am actually sick of chocolate . Yesterday i was thinking "maybe i'll just stop eating it" and this morning i woke up and thought "that's it, i want out of this addiction"... cos for me it is an addiction. I used to drink a lot of diet coke and i gave that up cos DH wanted us to give it up. That was 18 months agao, and even though I still feel like i'd die for a diet coke some days, i havent had one.

So can i do this with chocolate? I just dont think i'll ever have the ability to just have "some". I gave it up for lent one year and didnt have any for 9 months. I didnt even crave it anymore, but once i had some, that was it.

I think i can do this. I've just thrown out all the chocolate and chocolate drink stuff from our house. It's all in the bin. I'm nervous though, am I expecting too much of myself? DH says "maybe now is not a good time cos you're finishing your thesis", but as i said to him "when will be good? once the thesis is in, i'll be starting a new job and that wont be a good time either".

So seriously, I think i can do this and i think i will feel a lot better for doing it. I guess i just needed to put it all out there, and this is about the only place i feel safe enough to do it

Any opinions are most welcome