Thank you. That does help a lot. I know you're a bit ahead of me on the trajectory, Mimi, but it does sound like you have similar issues.

It is very tough giving myself permission to do this. It is bringing up a lot of issues for me about what I "deserve," whether if people see me, a crappy beginner out there on this beautiful high-end bike they're going to think I'm ridiculous....that in itself is ridiculous. I'm 45 years old, I can do what I like!

And I also know that it's not really about deserving or not. Lots of very "deserving" people ride junkers because that's what they can afford. I am lucky enough to be able to afford an expensive bike, that's all. And I feel it really supports what I'm trying to do with my life- move towards taking better care of myself and doing things that make me happy, as opposed to my tendency, which is to work all the time.

Did I mention it's going to be a sort of irridescent purple-blue color?