WARNING: VERY LONG.

My dear partner and I are getting married at the end of the summer. He's in medical school (read: EXTREMELY busy) and has little experience in organizing things, and has never handled much money. I've been dealing with money since a very early age (we had a family business) and partly earned my living organizing events (but not weddings and very seldom partys) all my life.

So of course I've taken the lead on that one. We decided sort-of at the last-minute that we wanted to get married this coming summer and finding all decent venues booked was my nightmare. So the venue is mostly taken care of since before the engagement was announced. My parents live 5000 km away and his are here. I insisted to have the wedding here, as my way to express how I feel about this place.

All weddings have hard parts to organize, I know, and this one is no exception. One of the things that make it hard, interestingly, is that I'm not big on weddings. I haven't been dreaming of that day since I was a little girl. I can't touch a bridal magazine with a 10-foot pole. I hate all the industry around it. So I want to keep things simple. And inexpensive. I want people - including me and my fiancé - to have a great time.

His parents are going to pay for most of it, but it's just against my principles to blow so much resources on one big day. It's part of my environmental consciousness, perhaps... His family is also happy to have a simple wedding, so that's great. But they have followed "normal" wedding traditions in the past. In my family, marriage is important, but weddings not very. And my parents, like me, are rather frugal.

The question is: how can a wedding be something simple?

Example: Cake. I'm all for cake (as long as it's chocolate) and traditions. But I can't imagine having one of those three-tier hugely decorated cakes that costs hundreds of dollars. But I know that if I call the bakery and say "I want a cake," I'll eventually have to admit it's for a wedding and voilà! we've quadrupled the bill and it's not even tasting better.

My sweetie, of course, doesn't understand much of this. I've already convinced him that I didn't want a diamond on my engagement ring, because I hate the idea of having about a ton of rock extracted of the earth (with assorted destruction) just because we want to let the world know that we love each other. But he's a bit more conventional than me. He cares a lot about the wedding but he has little time to dedicate to it.

So anyway I think what I wonder is : how does a bride-to-be deal with the weight of traditions she doesn't care about or, worse, disagrees with? How have you dealt with everyone's expectations for your own wedding?

Yeah yeah, I know, it's our day, but in the end I'd like everyone to have a good time and to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

Thanks a million for letting me vent, and I know I'll find some hope and inspiration in your words!!