Raindrop, hope you realize you never have to ask if you should post something so personal or not. This forum contains an amazing group of women and I think it creates a wonderful network of support.

I cannot begin to understand your loss and how hard it is for you. I can only tell you that I have a brother who fell from grace and got himself into alot of trouble (having to go to prison). It was a horrible ordeal for my family and it has taken years for all of us to accept the reality of what occurred. Place no blame on yourself. Your brother made his choice without thinking what he would leave behind, alot of hurt and disappointment from his loved ones. Acknowledge the loss, discuss it with your family and each strive to move on. Tough, I know, but time is your friend.