'sigh' Sex talk - need advice

[Kano]

Karen - thank you for taking the time to write all your wonderful advice. I think you may be right, about the elephant in the corner of the room being the stress about the move, being jobless, etc...more than the $ex.

You're welcome, kiddo!

Overall, Bf and I are very happy together, and he really is a partner to me, more than I could imagine. We act as a well-oiled team with everything else but...you know what.

It does sound like the two of you make a great team.

Truthfully, I think it worries me MORE that BF doesn't seem to want to have $ex, b/c you're right...all this other stuff on my mind (giving me insomnia to boot) makes me not really want to anyway.

So you're saying neither of you wants it lately -- this means there's no problem!

You're getting along great. You don't want xes, he doesn't want xes, and the only reason it's a problem is because someone on TV says you should want sex. It becomes an issue between you because you're concerned that you're not pleasing him, and when you bring it up, he gets worried that he's failing you, you poor kids!

We "make xes important" as something to enjoy in life, and seem to put great value on it, like, you know, life just isn't good without, but the truth is, xes exists for a reason, and that's not pleasure. That's a really pleasant side effect! I think that the rest of life together is far more important in a lasting relationship and as Dogmama said, sex is the cherry on the sundae!

When did the notion of "every guy goes to strip clubs, and looks at porn all the time" become acceptable? They were talking about it this morning on the radio, and I'm thinking...

This is a new aspect of the thread -- is he looking, or is this just related to the radio story?

I don't know about this porn stuff, it's been around forever -- let's face it, guys can look at National Geographic and see porn! And as long as women are willing to show their stuff, guys are going to look. Doesn't mean they're going to act on it, just like we don't necessarily act on it when we see some great eye candy.

what is the trick for taking emotion out of the act? Maybe that's what I need to do? Don't know that I can though. cheri

Nope, taking the emotion out of it's not the answer. Well, you could, but then it's just sex, and you might as well be getting paid for it. I'm pretty sure that's not what you're interested in. He's not interested in that either.

Karen in Boise