Accosted by a drunk :(

[bikerchick68]

man, what a horrible feeling that we can't even go pick something up without some idiot hassling us these days... I can only imagine how scared you must have felt, especially given your prior experience 10 yrs ago...

I work for a large restaurant franchise here in CA. We have homeless, drunks and aggressive Aholes sometimes hang out in front of our restaurants begging for money from guests... the minute we know about it they are told to leave immediately. If they refuse, they are watched closely while we wait for the police to arrive. In the future, absolutely go back inside the store and ask for the manager. I guarantee they are not thrilled to have someone outside scaring away their customers!

You have no obligation to be nice to someone who is making you feel threatened. Even if you don't perceive it as violent or if they don't mean to be threatening... it's OK and the right thing to do to simply say, "Please leave me alone." If they do not it's time for action. I am nice once, and if they don't get the clue the nice act is over...

I hope you are able to move past this and forward again... hugs...

[maillotpois]

Oh that's terrible! I am so sorry that happened - must have made you feel so vulnerable. I agree - complain to the store. Make sure they know what's happening outside. They have liability exposure if they receive complaints and do nothing and then someone is hurt. Even if this is on a public sidewalk outside the store, they still have a duty to respond to a complaint like that.

[Trek420]

Melody, I'm so sorry to hear this. First off let me say that guy must have been both extremely drunk and stupid.

It's never excusable nor the victoms fault. I've met Mel and she's very tall, and strong. Does NOT look like anyone you'd wanna mess with or have angry at you.

If I were him I'd be skeered she'd wrap that puhrty Ti bike frame around my head.

I'm sorry this was so upsetting Mel. Give yourself credit for doing the right thing because..... the most important thing is that you are ok.

I don't like to second guess when it comes to womens self defense or do a lot of shoulda-woulda-coulda.

You are ok so intuitively you knew what to do to be safe.

But others in the same location might not be so lucky. I'd report this to the store management and if they can't secure their lot and give you a place to securely park your baby .... lots of other places to shop that can.

[KnottedYet]

Melody, I second everything that's already been said. And I really sympathize with you over the "deer in the headlights" reaction. I do the same thing, and kick myself over it later. I even took a women's self defense class (where they really emphasized shouting/yelling/running/getting help as opposed to fighting) and I still freeze. Maybe I should take it again. You take one, too, and we'll compare notes.

[CorsairMac]

I'm so sorry to hear about your unfortunate experience Mel - the only thing I would add is: I Don't lock my bike up. Even if they do provide racks for them. My bike goes everywhere I go - or we don't go there. I have yet to have anyone get upset with me for bringing my bike in - most store employees are fascinated by it and stop to talk to me about my ride, how far etc etc. I just don't feel safe leaving my bike unattended not to mention the situation you presented, where you came out and had to chase away boys and then stop and unlock the bike etc etc creating time delays that could work against you - which it sounds like they did. sending virtual hugs your way my friend and feeling sorrow that the world has to be like that sometimes!

[mmelindas]

Oh, Mel, poor kid!

I certainly understand your fear, the bad vibes and terrible memories from the past.... all the advice you got was dynamite stuff...

I also heard about one self defense instructor who advised women to carry a long hat pin, tucked in a safe place,....and pull it out and stab the guy's hand if he makes a move towards you, then yell "Fire!" at the top of your lungs and RUN!!! ("fire" draws people but "help" or "rape" actually repels them away.)

There was a nurse at the ER near where I worked that got raped.... and the deviant came back for seconds.... well, she was in high heels ready for a night out after work.. She'd had these very self defense lessons and so when he tried to jump her, she whipped out her hat pin, stabbed him in the face, and while he was writhing in pain, she took off her high heels and proceeded to gouge his eyes out, while yelling "Fire!" People came running!

The hospital security came, apprehended him, called for police & medical help and she didn't stop...while they were strapping him on the gurney to take him inside for treatment of her wounds to him, she hopped up on the gurney and started beating him again with her high heels!!

The paper got photos of her ... how mad she was, how empowered she felt and all....and that guy told police he'd never dream of attacking a woman again after that hideous and scarring experience!!!

[Melody]

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. Work has been pretty killer lately.

Thank you everyone for the advice. I'm gotten into the habit now of carrying a whistle and honestly, I'll probably stop going to the pharmacy on the bike and just take the car. It's not worth the stress level of having to deal with this sort of thing.

And Trek is right. I'm not a small person but this guy was drunk. His judgement was highly impaired. :/

Trek, btw, I was on my Bianchi and not on Silver. She was tucked safely at home on the trainer. I wouldn't even dream of letting her be locked up for a moment without my eyes on her just about every moment. I have to take extra care with her whereas the Bianchi, she's tough and can take care of herself.

Mel

[Trek420]

Melody sez

"I'm gotten into the habit now of carrying a whistle"

good idea. whole lotta noise is good defense.

"I'll probably stop going to the pharmacy on the bike and just take the car. It's not worth the stress level of having to deal with this sort of thing. "

I can understand that. I hate it hate it hate it when anything makes us not wanna ride. Like the weather today. Aaaaargh. hate it hate it hate it. Surfs off to get new rain jacket.

Anyway if we stop doing the things we love...they win! Don't let the moron get you down, Mel.

"this guy was drunk. His judgement was highly impaired. :/"

more important his tolerance for pain is high. So your best self defense options would be-

keep a safe distance away and...
get away and....
draw attention and....
call cops, manager, security etc

Beating him to a senseless blathering bloody pulp might not work. tempting as that would be I for one would never want to do that.

OT that's one of the many things I like about Aikido is that inflicting pain is not a factor or even used (much) although it is an available option

On the mat I often tell beginners that we don't tap (tapping is the visual equivelant of crying uncle in a pin. we don't want to hurt our training partners at all. We need 'em. heh. So you tap at the point it's a stretch) anyway we don't tap because it hurts...tap because you can't get up or out of the pin.

The object of most techniques is that they are imobile.

I used to train with a guy who was a hospital orderly and a patient showed up in the ER on drugs, he'd fallen asleep on a steam radiator (ewwwwww ) and became violent.

This huuuuge but very gentle man put the patient in a pin, held him down till Dr.s & nurses could give him a shot....and begin to treat him.

"Trek, btw, I was on my Bianchi and not on Silver. She was tucked safely at home on the trainer. I wouldn't even dream of letting her be locked up for a moment without my eyes on her just about every moment. I have to take extra care with her whereas the Bianchi, she's tough and can take care of herself. "

sorta like you! TE gals I hope we won't tuck ourselves safely away on the trainer, let's ride. Now if this weather would just....

Trek

[bikerz]

Hey Mel -I'm really sorry to hear about this event - it must have been very frightening. My heart goes out to you.

I wanted to let you know about a self defense course I took many years ago after I was assaulted - it's called Bay Area Model Mugging (www.bamm.org). I think they are still based down on the Peninsula, but thay have courses all over the Bay Area..

For me this course was very effective - both in learning specific and effective techniqus that acknowledge and even take advantage of how most women are built compared to men (e.g. lower center of gravity, greater lower body strength than upper body strength) and in learning how to channel the anger and especially the fear from my experience into strength.

I was always afraid that my fear would forever incapacitate me, and that I would never not be afraid, but what I learned and proved to myself was that the fear is also an enormous source of power. I'm sure I'll be afraid if I am ever attacked again, but I'm not so afraid of the fear anymore, if that makes any sense. All the women in my class had been assaulted or seriously threatened by either strangers, dates, or family. Several friends of mine took the course after I did and it had a similar positive impact on them.

I don't know if any of this will be useful to you, but if you'd like more info, please feel free to PM me - I took the course 16 years ago, but from the website, it looks like they are using the same approach now as then.
Take care of yourself and stay safe! Like the other women said - YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

[doc]

[QUOTE=Melody]
Thank you everyone for the advice. I'm gotten into the habit now of carrying a whistle and honestly, I'll probably stop going to the pharmacy on the bike and just take the car. It's not worth the stress level of having to deal with this sort of thing.

/QUOTE]

Oh Mel. Don't stop the healthful, enjoyable, ecological and economical things you would naturally do because of this jerk. You deserve to be able to safely go to the pharmacy by bike. And anywhere else you want. Don't avoid and cut down the things you do. I like bikerz suggestion of www.bamm You can't run scared.

All that being said, you can only do what you are comfortable doing. But be aware of what you are doing. And limiting your activities is not the ideal solution.

This came out preachy and jugemental. I don't know how to make it sound more supportive which is what it is meant to be. I hope you take it in the spirit in which it is offered

[Trek420]

What Bikerz sed. There are similar classes all around. A good source of info is your local police department for reccomendations in your area.

Feel free to PM me also if looking into how to choose one or tell if a school is good.

Martial arts themselves are not about self defense. As well as fitness, body/mind awareness, there's a spiritual aspect and those "ah HAH" moments "oh THAT'S how that works, about time I figured it out".

It's a lifetime thang, no short term about it.

I don't want to be the biggest baddest mofo, at 5'1" that's a good thing. And I never ever want to "use it"...again.

In a good school it will take years of basics to get to anything that could be "used".

So find a good short term 1-2 day class if you want something right away.

Meanwhile I feel that anything and everything we do to make us strong, aware, confident and comfortable in our body whether it's your first Ironman or first time clipless may make you less likely to be "picked" by bad guys. (I say bad guys but it's not always guys).

On the other hand, some days it just doesn't pay to get outa bed

But it's not the fight that happens, it's the ones that don't, or do but don't go so far etc. As you become stronger everyday there may be someone who decides "naaah, not that one, not today I won't mess with her".

That's the best self defense there is, the fight that never happens.

So trust your instincts, listen to your gutt and ride on TE gals. My rule of thumb is if situation feels iffy..it is. Better to risk embarasement by leaving than worse.

[PAP103]

The police department in my town offers a Rape Aggression Defense class for women that;s free. Its a national program so it may be available in your area. They teach you how to avoid situations and if you are accosted, how to fight or disable your attacker enough to get away.
www.rad-systems.com

Take care and everyone be careful out there!
Patty

[Duck on Wheels]

Just logged on after being away for a while. What a shock! Melody, you're gorgeous, but this was not a sexual thing. You're also big and tall and strong, so I agree, this guy must've been drunk out of his senses to try hassling you. In fact, somebody that inebriated (sp?) probably couldn't have stood up to you if you'd chosen to stiffarm him off, or worse. Personally, I think you handled it very well! You stood your ground, but in a patiently persistent way, not going ballistic. A good initial non-violent defense. And it worked. Good on you!!!! The release of feelings after was probably not about regretting anything you did or didn't do, but simply all those feelings you had to keep under control during the incident that had to find release later. That said, I agree with a lot of the suggestions about how to avoid similar situations. Stuff like telling the pharmacy what happened and that you'll take your business elsewhere if they can't provide a safe bike rack closer by. I generally don't like the idea of blocking the less fortunate from equal participation in society, but there is a difference between someone we feel sorry for (and therefore also sorry for seeing) and someone who actively makes a nuisance of himself. People who accost and offend strangers should be shown away and if the local police can be trusted to simply "dry him out" in the drunk tank and not abuse their power by beating up on him, then yes, I'd call them.

[ChainsOflove]

Wow that's an awful experience. I would have been really mean and yelled at him!