Saying nothing, not doing much is abit difficult

[Blueberry]

I read the comments on the Huffpo article I posted above. Someone asks where plus-size athletes can find clothing. The answer? Team Estrogen! How cool is that?

That is amazing!!

Things are much better than they used to be - with TE leading the way! The only major hole I see, though, is rain gear. I'm looking for that (for my commute) and coming up short.

[salsabike]

Here's an interesting article from Huffington Post about larger athletes.

That is a GREAT article!

[MarieV]

Well, I just spent the last hour or so reading through this entire thread. First, let me say how wonderful it is to be part of a community where people can voice their opinions but respectfully disagree, and hopefully, we can all learn from one another.

I agree with Amy that we all probably bring our "own baggage and defensiveness" to these discussions, but that being said, I don't think Jean (shootingstar) was being overly judgmental or condescending in her original post. Maybe that's because I come from a judgmental Asian family, so I don't even notice it, but I think she really just wanted to know what to make of her friend not wanting to shop at the farmers market when she buys organic at the store. From my own personal experience, I feel lucky that I can get amazingly fresh eggs, produce, fish, meat, etc., year round at our local farmers markets here in Seattle. However, if I ever took my very traditional, conservative Filipino family (who live in San Diego) to the farmers market, they would ask me why I don't just go to the grocery store. They would think there's something sketchy about buying food from these "random people" in the street, as if the "clean" and packaged food at the grocery store is guaranteed to be safe and better for you. Of course, once you have fresh produce from the farmers market, it's hard to buy grocery store produce. Once I started growing my own heirloom tomatoes, they had such amazing flavor compared to totally tasteless store-bought and restaurant tomatoes, I can't even bring myself to eat tomatoes other than what I grow.

And if Jean's friend has shown her literature about detox diets, then she probably also expressed interest in losing weight. I have a friend who was advised by her naturopath (who is also mine) to go on a detox diet because of severe allergies, digestion and iron absorption issues, exhaustion, etc. The naturopath walked her through what the detox would entail, essentially a special liquid diet and fasting for a week to clear her system of toxins and allergens, which were taxing her immune system. Detox diets aren't weight-loss alternatives; they're usually fasting regimens to "reboot" your body. And the average person may not be able to work and carry out his/her regular day-to-day activities when completing a real detox diet. Jean, if your friend really wants to try a detox diet, she should work with a naturopath or an informed medical professional who can really explain the process to her.

And if Jean's friend goes out to eat a lot and she mostly prefers greasy pizza and Chinese food, then it is a problem. We've all succumbed to "bad food" cravings and it's totally normal to want that burger, pizza, ice cream, etc., once in a while, but most of us are old enough to know there's payback if that's all you eat day in and day out. Yes, it's usually cheaper and much better to shop for fresh food and cook most of your meals, and as a teacher, I love having summers off when I can do just that. But when the school year starts, DH and I both work too much, and I always have a stack of lab reports to grade, we usually don't have the energy to make our own meals more than a few times a week. We definitely go out to eat and get prepared meals more often than we should, but we still try to make healthy choices. Jean, I think it's great that you invite your friend over and cook her homemade meals, and she probably loves that--I know I do when we have friends invite us over for dinner. I would keep doing that and maybe even invite her to cook with you or hang out with you when you're cooking. One of my friends is an amazing cook, and when I watch her cook, I'm always surprised how easy some of her dishes are to prepare when they taste so incredible. If she shows no interest in cooking, are there restaurants you can go to with her where they have really flavorful and healthier food? Maybe she's stuck in a rut but possibly open to new experiences, including eating healthier food.

And I would invite her to go on more bike rides with you. If she golfs and kayaks, then she's probably open to cycling more. She won't be as strong or as fast as you at the start, but she'll get stronger. Soon the two of you will be able to go on longer rides together, so you can hang out while being more active.

I don't know if I agree that it's always best to bite your tongue and never express an opinion your friend might construe as judgmental. I guess it depends on the kind of friendship you have, whether you and your friend hate confrontation, or if you both like to argue and won't be offended by such an exchange. My family has always been melodramatic and confrontational. Even now whenever we all get together, there's always a lot of yelling and crying over the most trivial things, then it always blows over and we're all good. My closest friendships are with women with whom I usually have a lot in common and who help me gain insight about myself and other people, but we can still argue and trust each other enough to know one of us may criticize with the intent to help, not to attack or hurt, the other person. In contrast, friendships often didn't last when we had little in common, felt like we always had to hold back because the other person was thin-skinned, or neither of us cared enough to address any substantive issues that might lead to an uncomfortable confrontation.

Veronica, thanks so much for sharing your experiences with your family. Of course, we all want our family and friends to be healthy and happy. It's always heartbreaking to watch them make poor diet and lifestyle choices that jeopardize their health and possibly their life. Of course, you cannot change someone who does not want to change, but we all want to believe if we care enough and nag them enough, we can convince them to make healthier choices, so they can be with us for as long as possible.

[lph]

Since detox diets were mentioned: I may be opening a can of worms here, but I have to mention that the only thing I've ever read about detox diets, by sources not about to make money on them, is that they don't work. There is no measurable difference in toxins in the bodywork after a week long fast or detox diet. That's not to say a healthy diet won't gradually give you less toxins, but there's no way of jump starting the process. At best it has a psychological effect, as a transition to a better diet.

[lph]

Body, not bodywork B-)

[shootingstar]

I agree with Amy that we all probably bring our "own baggage and defensiveness" to these discussions, but that being said, I don't think Jean (shootingstar) was being overly judgmental or condescending in her original post. Maybe that's because I come from a judgmental Asian family, so I don't even notice it, but I think she really just wanted to know what to make of her friend not wanting to shop at the farmers market when she buys organic at the store. From my own personal experience, I feel lucky that I can get amazingly fresh eggs, produce, fish, meat, etc., year round at our local farmers markets here in Seattle. However, if I ever took my very traditional, conservative Filipino family (who live in San Diego) to the farmers market, they would ask me why I don't just go to the grocery store. They would think there's something sketchy about buying food from these "random people" in the street, as if the "clean" and packaged food at the grocery store is guaranteed to be safe and better for you. Of course, once you have fresh produce from the farmers market, it's hard to buy grocery store produce. Once I started growing my own heirloom tomatoes, they had such amazing flavor compared to totally tasteless store-bought and restaurant tomatoes, I can't even bring myself to eat tomatoes other than what I grow.

............. Jean, if your friend really wants to try a detox diet, she should work with a naturopath or an informed medical professional who can really explain the process to her.

..............................................

And I would invite her to go on more bike rides with you. If she golfs and kayaks, then she's probably open to cycling more. She won't be as strong or as fast as you at the start, but she'll get stronger. Soon the two of you will be able to go on longer rides together, so you can hang out while being more active.

I don't know if I agree that it's always best to bite your tongue and never express an opinion your friend might construe as judgmental. I guess it depends on the kind of friendship you have, whether you and your friend hate confrontation, or if you both like to argue and won't be offended by such an exchange. My family has always been melodramatic and confrontational. Even now whenever we all get together, there's always a lot of yelling and crying over the most trivial things, then it always blows over and we're all good. My closest friendships are with women with whom I usually have a lot in common and who help me gain insight about myself and other people, but we can still argue and trust each other enough to know one of us may criticize with the intent to help, not to attack or hurt, the other person. In contrast, friendships often didn't last when we had little in common, felt like we always had to hold back because the other person was thin-skinned, or neither of us cared enough to address any substantive issues that might lead to an uncomfortable confrontation.

Veronica, thanks so much for sharing your experiences with your family. Of course, we all want our family and friends to be healthy and happy. It's always heartbreaking to watch them make poor diet and lifestyle choices that jeopardize their health and possibly their life. Of course, you cannot change someone who does not want to change, but we all want to believe if we care enough and nag them enough, we can convince them to make healthier choices, so they can be with us for as long as possible.

I'm here in Toronto visiting family right now. Myself and 4 siblings are super grateful my mother has been cooking healthy Chinese dishes for..the past 40 years (I do have memories of eating Chinese version of pork fat cracklings. ) because my dying father (on last ditch effort of chemotherapy which is weakening him after all his cancer) continues to need this. If this is judgemental of me as their eldest daughter: I went to visit my parents this past wk. and ate the same food as my father....and could see nothing has changed: it is my mother's healthy cooking, thank god. Thank god we don't have to tell our elderly parents how to cook healthy, when they have other issues to handle as each month grows more and more difficult.

I saw a sister whom I haven't seen for a year in person. We went to museum, dinner. I noticed she had been wearing lovely voluminous chiffon tops and another top underneath. Then I asked her in neutral tones: Are you getting a little tummy? The rest of her body is thin but she is getting a sizeable belly that she is wearing these tops to mask it. Her belly /tummy is extending well over 8 inches out. She told me her fibroids returned again. They have been growing for the past 3 years but this is the first time I knew of this 2nd larger growth. She had one large one removed 25 years ago. Anyway, her gynaecologist really wants her to have surgery. She already had D & C 8 years ago...which I had no idea before. I simply said that these larger fibroids might be crowding some other organs. She knows that and has been trying to figure out the right "time". She's trying to put it off...until menopause. But I told her it could 5-10 yrs. off since her periods are still strong. Then I changed the subject after I told her that I was in menopause but it took a few years....

She is my sister --2 yrs. younger than I. She is the natural comic/clown sibling.

Marie, I have siblings who do really we tell each other off when we need to, but lately we're more civilized. I guess it's age. But I have also lost 1 sister already and keeping our mouths shut /wondering what on earth is going on without saying anything has proven to be a mistake/costly for a loved one. She died by suicide and none of us knew how deeply depressed /how long it went on. As a result of her death, amongst siblings we are more vigilant about each other.

My family is similar, sort of, I guess like yours. We have our dysfunctions and better/good times too. I feel incredibly lucky nevertheless to have siblings who all want to get together, party and talk up. I know I could entrust any of them to be my executors. Not all families are like this.

My friend continues to support some of the city's bike rides by sweeping, etc. We've done some mini rides since then. I don't plan to suggest that she talk to a doctor about detox /fasting unless she mentions it again. But it would only be a suggestion. She herself comes from a large (6 siblings) family like myself. Sometimes we eat at my place, other times at restaurants. I let her recommend places to eat because she seems to know of a lot more places to eat out. My home-cooked meals are partially my voluntary payback to her...because she drives a car for us when we eat out (in some cases far out in the suburbs from my place) and to me, it costs drive around, etc.

[MarieV]

Jean, I'm so sorry to hear about you losing your sister. That must have been so devastating for you and your family, especially because you sound like you're all close. After such a loss, it's always natural for all of us to believe or hope that we could have done something to help or prevent it if only we'd known. It totally makes sense that after that you're all more vigilant with one another, even if the other person may perceive it as intrusive.

The situation with your younger sister sounds difficult. If her fibroids have grown so large that her gynecologist is recommending surgery, what kind of surgery is being recommending (e.g. hysterectomy)? It sounds like she's not ready for major surgery, so can she ask her gynecologist about other options (e.g. medication to try to reduce the fibroids in the meantime)? Are the fibroids so large that they cannot be removed using non-invasive or minimally invasive surgery?

Here are some links on uterine fibroids:

Mayo Clinic website: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-c...n-20037901?p=1

Office on Women's Health, US Dept. of Health and Human Services: http://www.womenshealth.gov/publicat...-fibroids.html

I have similar issues with my parents. My dad just turned 80, and in addition to his Type 2 diabetes for the past two decades he's had knee pain because of osteoarthritis, so he's had difficulty walking for the last decade. His doctor recommended he get arthroscopic surgery to address the condition, or at least lose weight or get PT, but he refuses to do anything and just keeps saying he's lived a long life already. It's so frustrating!

My mom has been dealing with hypohidrosis (inability to sweat) for the past two years, and it's probably caused by an interaction between the dozen or so medications she takes for hypertension. I know she can't stop taking her hypertension medication because her blood pressure shoots to dangerously high levels, but I don't understand why the doctors can't figure out and address her hypohidrosis, which could lead to heat exhaustion or heat stroke. Since she lives in San Diego where it's almost always warm, I told her to keep a small spray bottle with water in her purse and spritz herself whenever she feels warm, so she doesn't overheat since her doctors didn't even bother to advise her on how to deal with her condition. And she goes to UCSD Medical Center for care, so you'd think they would know what they're doing.

Jean, perhaps you can do some research on your sister's condition and forward it to her, then just keep nagging her, maybe in a reassuring way. She probably will think you're meddling, but she knows you care, and maybe she'll realize it's for her own good and you'll convince her to do something about her fibroids.

[shootingstar]

Sister with fibroids has had to deal with another scary health issue which we know for past 12 months, is the loss of hearing in 1 ear permanently. After seeing some specialists, still don't know reason. She also has tinitus..for last 5 years. She lives in her own home solo. Would be worth asking later about invasive vs.non-invasive treatment that she has been told so far. But I believe the gynecologist has been particularily insistent that she get this surgery.

If I hadn't even asked her, I wouldn't have known about this major fibroids problem until much later. I live 4,000 km. away so it's easy for family members to withhold any info. about major health problems...for several years. Honest, there's no other way I could have asked the "right" question to have her open up about another major health problem that has been stressing her out.

In fact, I believe she maybe postponing her surgery because she wants to be mobile to check in my parents and help out (siblings rotate /take turns each day after they each finish their day jobs.). I know my parents, they certainly would rain down on her/pester her a lot when /if they do find out about her fibroids diagnosis for major surgery. They worry for any of their children who live alone (which is not all of us).

Hope your parents try to accept physicians' instructions so they don't endanger themselves further.