Saying nothing, not doing much is abit difficult

[salsabike]

Malkin, given your comment above, I thought you might find this interesting. A breathtaking 11-minute TED talk from 19-year-old comic Kevin Breel about what it's like to live with depression--not something very responsive to the "buck up" approach to mental health. http://video-subtitle.tedcdn.com/tal...3X-480p-en.mp4

I have read some articles lately about mental health programs that are specifically designed to teach people ongoing coping skills directly related to their mental health symptoms, and some of that sounds very promising.

[Aromig]

I want some of Veronica's bottled resiliency too! Just reading some of your day to day struggles in your job makes me realize my hard clients aren't nearly as hard!

I post every so often, but I read here a lot. This is one of the most interesting threads I've ever read. I'm overweight. When I work really really really hard I can lose weight, but I'll likely never be skinny. I am very active, and can do nearly any physical activity I want to. To me, that's what is important -- functional fitness. I can't say much though, because I do love drinking beers after work with my colleagues and I like cheese. It's funny -- for the most part I eat healthy but I feel like I need to apologize for that one cheese and fruit tray we might order once a month because I am overweight.

I know that a lot of health issues are linked with obesity, at least sortof. Most research shows that those health issues are linked more to activity level than weight, but then again weight sometimes has some correlation to activity as well (although its not perfectly correlated in everyone).

I am involved in management of the small business with which I am affiliated and we're always making decisions about how to impact our healthcare costs. Last year we contemplated increasing the percentage of premiums employees paid if (1) they smoked and (2) they were obese according to BMI. The argument was that obesity increases health costs so those who incur the most costs should pay the most. I was horrified -- I really don't have many health issues (well, unless you count some physical therapy from accidents from being active) so it isn't an exact correlation. I know several very thin people at our work that aren't active at all and eat all of the same things I do but their BMI isn't in the obese or overweight range and they have severe health issues. At this time we haven't increased premiums based upon BMI, and we are working to get people more active.

Since I am overweight, people are surprised to learn that I bike and/or run an average of 9-10 hours each week (in a recent work contest to encourage people to increase their activity levels -- it turns out I'm one of the most active). It's funny that the people at work who are closest to me (and know how active I am) are surprised when I say things like "I'd have to pay extra premium if we institute that policy" because once they KNOW me, they don't see me as overweight anymore, in part because I think they are seeing me with their heart rather than with their eyes.

So when I read the opening post to this thread, I read a judgmental tone. Then again, I probably brought my own baggage and defensiveness, because I do know that we judge people by what we see with the preconceived notions about overweight means. I agree that weight does bear some relationship to activity and/or diet -- but I also know that its just a relationship, its not a perfect correlation and depending on which side of the scale you fall on it might mean something different to you.

I've babbled a bit, but I guess I really just wanted to say that I love where this thread went. You women are amazing, and understanding, and critical-thinking and smart and I'm looking forward to where this thread goes on mental health (because I think the stigmatism for mental health issues is similar and we're just now figuring out that its not as simple as we think and that until you've walked a mile in someone's shoes you just might not know what its like).

Amy

[malkin]

...for the most part I eat healthy but I feel like I need to apologize for that one cheese and fruit tray we might order once a month because I am overweight...

Cheese and fruit?
Really?

[OakLeaf]

... which is exactly what she means about the way fat or even less-than-thin people are publicly judged in our culture. Hopefully Aromig doesn't beat herself up for eating a nice plate of cheese and fruit, but odds are that between the store and her house, some total stranger will be cutting their eyes at her or even, as Blueberry described, making comments to her about sugar and fat. That's why this stuff makes me so angry.

[DebSP]

There are people that watch and judge everything. I went through a period where I was "eating clean" and if I attended a function with food that did not offer anything I wanted to eat, some people would make comments about the fact that I chose not to eat anything. "Oh you can afford to eat a few treats" was the most common. Not because I was thin, but I may have been thinner than some people attending(I have not been thin in my adult life) Short of telling the whole life story about working hard to lose about 40 lbs. and being a garbage eater most of my life and how I was working at changing that etc. I got eye rolls, and "oh it won't hurt you' etc.etc. I hated having to defend my choices so I can understand how anyone would feel when comments are made that imply a judgment of any kind. And I never criticized the foods offered. Or told anyone that they were making a mistake eating them. I usually just tried to politely refuse. No thanks, I just ate or some such thing if I could. (Hard to do while dh is making himself a plate.) Best to always keep your thoughts to yourself unless asked specifically, even when intentions are good. Believe me I have a mothering personality. I had a mom who passed away to early from heart disease and my dad had a stroke in his 60 's. I would like to think that I could help some one avoid that but I know how hard it is to change habits. I quit smoking completely only recently. But you know the saying " the road to he!! is paved with good intentions".

[rebeccaC]

There are people that watch and judge everything. .

I think judging is a tendency we all have, but I think understanding and aknowledging when we do it and seeing it as possibly harmful to us is also important. The anger, frustration, complaining, gossiping and/or dismissiveness etc. that can come from judging others certainly won’t make me a better person. I try to go to a place of acceptance, curiosity and empathy in helping someone rather than where I go when judging them.

I fail. I can feel bad, untrusting of myself and comfort myself with a quart of chocolate ice cream at times. So I’m not superior to others having problems even if I think I am. I see it as me just being self centered when focusing on how much better I am than someone else or how my frustration is more important than someone’s pain, depression, health problems etc.

[malkin]

Congratulations on quitting smoking!

I'm sorry. My post wasn't clear at all. I meant to indicate that I was surprised that anyone would think there was anything bad about cheese and fruit, not that I was shocked that someone would eat and enjoy it.
I MEANT: Cheese and fruit, what's wrong with that?
I DID NOT MEAN: Cheese and fruit! OMG!! How could you possibly even consider eating that?!

Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with cheese and fruit, unless a person is lactose intolerant, or allergic to strawberries, or just doesn't like cheese and fruit or something like that.

[OakLeaf]

No, I knew exactly what you meant. Sorry if my post came out wrong!

[thekarens]

Congratulations on quitting smoking!

I'm sorry. My post wasn't clear at all. I meant to indicate that I was surprised that anyone would think there was anything bad about cheese and fruit, not that I was shocked that someone would eat and enjoy it.
I MEANT: Cheese and fruit, what's wrong with that?
I DID NOT MEAN: Cheese and fruit! OMG!! How could you possibly even consider eating that?!

Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with cheese and fruit, unless a person is lactose intolerant, or allergic to strawberries, or just doesn't like cheese and fruit or something like that.

Actually cheese and fruit can be bad. Fruit is high in sugar and cheese can be high in calories. I know the doctor told my neighbor to stop giving her kids fruit or limit it due to weight problems.

Ideally a diet would be high in veggies greens and whole grains and moderate in fruit meat and dairy.

And no, I'm not judging because Lord knows I have no room to talk.

[Crankin]

I've had experiences similar to DebSP's. People seem to think it's quite ok to comment when I choose not to eat cake or candy at work or when I eat a food that might be considered "different." It doesn't happen where I work now, and they don't make comments either, when I walk in wearing my bike clothes. Only praise.
I guess what I don't get, is how people think it's ok to *say* something in these situations. I always told my kids, "You can think it, don't say it."

[Aromig]

I meant the cheese more than fruit, because let's face it, if you're indulging, who is happy with the serving size of just one ounce. More like having three or 4 different cheeses at one ounce each. from another funny judgmental perspective, on the times I've taken my assistant out she will be judgmental about that same fruit and cheese tray -- but because its very expensive (not because of its dietary makeup). But I guess the point is taken -- there are lots of things to be judgmental about (including towards thin people) so maybe its best just to keep our comments to ourselves. Wouldn't the world be so much better! (FYI, that's the conversation I had with my 13 year old yesterday at lunch. Too bad more mothers don't have that conversation).

[PamNY]

But I guess the point is taken -- there are lots of things to be judgmental about (including towards thin people) so maybe its best just to keep our comments to ourselves. Wouldn't the world be so much better! (FYI, that's the conversation I had with my 13 year old yesterday at lunch. Too bad more mothers don't have that conversation).

My mother was good at that conversation -- and I agree -- it's a conversation that parents should have.

Here's an interesting article from Huffington Post about larger athletes.

[Blueberry]

Here's an interesting article from Huffington Post about larger athletes.

Thanks for posting that, PamNY! It articulated the point I was trying to make much better than I could have.

[OakLeaf]

Thanks, Pam, that's a great article.

[PamNY]

I read the comments on the Huffpo article I posted above. Someone asks where plus-size athletes can find clothing. The answer? Team Estrogen! How cool is that?