Saying nothing, not doing much is abit difficult

[PamNY]

I was just being honest. I know people will disagree with what I said, but all of this discussion is nothing compared to what I hear being spoken in real life. Let's face it, people are judged all of the time on physical appearance. You may disagree with this, but it happens all the time in the business world.

Of course judging people based on appearance is common. It's also common for cyclists to go the wrong way on a one way street while using a cellphone -- doesn't mean it's a good idea.

What I react to -- and I'm not saying it's relevant in this case -- is discussions that seem pointless and gratuitous. Very often a conversation about poor Sally and her weight problem simply provides an opportunity for those discussing Sally to pat themselves on the back for being superior to Sally. It's a case of building oneself up by putting other people down. For some people, this is a big part of their social behavior and a way of connecting with others.

When I was younger I enjoyed responding to older relatives with wide-eyed innocence and the question: "Why are you so interested in Sarah's weight?" Some were flustered, which I loved; others would claim to be "concerned." Well -- maybe they're concerned, maybe they're just gossiping due to their own insecurity and lack of social skills. When I was lucky, I could shift the conversation to something interesting or positive about Sarah -- and more often than not the "concerned" person had no idea what I was talking about because they had no real interest in getting to know her. They just wanted to bash her.

I've outgrown that approach, of course, but in an extreme case I might state that a conversation makes me uncomfortable, and if it's really extreme I might explain why.

[shootingstar]

Well, we have relatives who have flat out commented upon meeting others they haven't seen for awhile: "How pudgy you are, etc.". What also flabbergasted us, the younger generation, were questions on our salaries. Which I sidestepped by saying "I make enough money." Thankfully that type of stuff is less and less, as some relatives become more assimilated /acculturated and focused more about their own concerns rather than other people's.

I give the example of my (baby) sister who may defy the wonderful slim image of doctor walking their talk, when she advises patients of better habits, that it is for her from the position not only as part of her job as a physician, but also now with experience as a parent (with real challenge of feeding her young children healthy foods. She doesn't have a nanny to help.) and finally as a daughter who grew up on long term benefit of certain food choices. So an advocate for healthy living, may not appear visually to some people what they might assume.

[Crankin]

Pam, I also have ways of confronting people in what I consider to be judgmental conversations. I really don't have to use them much, anymore, but my one friend, who I have described on this forum as "crazy," once said something so offensive to my DH that I almost went nuts. She has no filter on what comes out of her mouth, and I know I should take that into consideration, but she told my DH that the argyle sweater with a V neck he was wearing looked "gay." Now, this is a person who says she's so welcoming to all people, if you get my drift. I said to her, "Would you tell someone that his/her clothes looked "Jewish?" Let's just say, I made my point. Of course, she would say now, that she never said it, but she did.
Then, 2 years ago my DIL told me that at a party at our house, this woman came up to her and said, "You know, you'll never be able to have children and work." My DIL was really upset, and only told me months later. I know this person said it, because *she* didn't work and she feels pretty bad about herself, talking about the career she had 25 years ago. I looked point blank at my son (we were out for brunch she this was revealed) and asked, "Are you f*cked up because I worked?" He laughed and said "Of course not."

[Blueberry]

I have met Blueberry in person and I can attest that she is beautiful inside and out. Crankin and Veronica, I hope you get to have the same honor to meet her as I have. (BTW, Blueberry, next time I'm in town, we should go over the new bike bridge!)

What a lovely compliment! Thank you

And yes - I would love to go over the new bike bridge next time you're around!

[salsabike]

Here is a most interesting TED talk, 12 minutes, on dieting and weight loss/gain by neuroscientist Sandra Aamodt. Well worth watching and learning what science currently says about this.

https://www.ted.com/talks/sandra_aam...t_usually_work

[PamNY]

Salsa, thanks for posting that excellent source of information. I wish everyone could see this (especially young women and girls). I was curious and googled Sandra Aamodt. She also has a blog which covers this important topic:

http://www.sandraaamodt.com/

[Veronica]

I haven't read all the articles, but this struck me

Scientists don’t yet know which environmental changes are most important for the increase in obesity. Candidates include processed foods, antibiotics, stress, sleep loss, prescription drugs, reduced exercise, and decreased cigarette smoking, among others. Whatever has changed over the past 50 years, it probably isn’t our collective willpower.

I'm going with reduced exercise as the biggest culprit. Again, I only have anecdotal data. In 2011, I weighed 10 pounds less than I do now but I was doing so much cardio a month - to the tune of 7,000 calories more a month in cardio. I keep records, I know is quite similar, maybe even better now. I was training for HIM, so all that cardio had a point and I'm not advocating that anyone do that much. But when I ask my students how much exercise they get, it's often not very much, only what they do in PE class at school. I've noticed over the years that no one teases the "fat kid" anymore because there are so many of them.

And as to why we never chide people for having to wear glasses, but we do for their weight... I believe it is because there are more perceived health risks to being overweight than wearing glasses.

Veronica

[shootingstar]

I like the article title alone the best: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/...ticle19976430/ Title is: Aim for the healthiest life you can enjoy, not just tolerate.

I actually don't know how to describe my "diet". It's actually cuisine...60% Asian in cooking techniques and type of dishes. Stuff outside of restaurants and sticking to least amount of processed veggies, fruits, meats on the traditional side, minus white rice for me, has been the answer for myself. Of course, I would be a fool not to partake in restaurant meals with friends and family.

Food is actually a very strong cultural and family connection for me. I've lost a lot of Chinese speaking fluency. When my parents die, I will probably lose the fluency even more. (And don't kid me....my Chinese-Canadian friends are like me, more fluent in English than Chinese. So forget about pretending on language retention. Assimilation is super real...for many of us.)

So cooking Chinese is for me..in the end, will be the only tangible thing left for me, in cultural legacy from my family roots. (Other than how I look physically via genetics. I don't want to change it with surgery.) I don't think of food in terms of Weight Watchers "points", but just observe how much salt, sugar and oils/fats there may be in a dish. Do I think about calories? Honest...not really. I tend to eat intuitively and feel shitty if I haven't eaten veggie and fruit for 1-2 consecutive days.

[OakLeaf]

There have been a lot of things I've thought about posting in this thread while I was on limited internet access, but here are two of the most appropriate things I've ever seen.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=699108843490838

... and regarding the correlation between weight and health:

http://www.tylervigen.com (with the exception of certain joint issues, it's actually fairly well established that if there's a causal relationship at all, it's that health problems cause weight gain and not vice versa)

[Veronica]

So why is that my doctor tells me nearly every time visit her - once a year - that I should lose weight? My BMI is slightly high, even though my BF is 20%. What about weight and high blood pressure? It's just luck that I'm the fittest one in my family and I don't have it? Oddly, when my sister had tongue cancer and could not eat anything but Ensure for a year, she lost almost 100 pounds and was able to go off her blood pressure meds. She's since put back on a good chunk of that and had to resume taking them.

And yes there are lots of videos of not skinny people doing lots of interesting things. Her upside down split is impressive! I think being sedentary is not a good thing.

Veronica

[OakLeaf]

If your doctor is telling you to lose weight when your BF is 20% (I would've actually guessed lower from your photos) I'd get a new doctor. Unless she's actually telling you to lose muscle, which would be medically supported, but in that case you're as noncompliant as anyone. http://hyper.ahajournals.org/content/30/6/1511.full

But to stay on topic, your health is your doctor's business. Using health as a pretext to body shame peers is not anyone's business. Do we all do it inside our own heads? Probably, just like the saying goes we're all a little bit racist. It's what we say out loud and how hard we work not to express those inner prejudices that counts.

[Veronica]

Using health as a pretext to body shame peers is not anyone's business. Do we all do it inside our own heads? Probably, just like the saying goes we're all a little bit racist. It's what we say out loud and how hard we work not to express those inner prejudices that counts.

That's something I can agree with! I keep looking at this issue from a teaching perspective. We have some health info on our kids. I know none of mine last year had listed any issues that would cause weight gain. That doesn't mean they didn't have those issues. Ten year olds who are 5 feet tall should not weigh 170 pounds, but I had at least three who weighed that or more. I receive their PE scores for state testing, so I'm not guessing at weight. Naturally, I would never shame them, but I do want to educate them because it's my job. The best snack is NOT that bag of cheetos or those 4 cookies! I approach it as what's going to help them learn between recess and lunch and talk about the chemistry, in 5th grade terms
.
I don't carry my weight in my upper body. Hence not a lot of booty pictures! or legs...

Veronica

[malkin]

And as to why we never chide people for having to wear glasses, but we do for their weight... I believe it is because there are more perceived health risks to being overweight than wearing glasses.

I think it is because we who make these judgements view weight as something that can be controlled while eyesight isn't viewed that way. Mental illness is another area where we, the members of the judging society, believe that sufferers should just "buck up" and stop being like that.

[Veronica]

Mental illness is another area where we, the members of the judging society, believe that sufferers should just "buck up" and stop being like that.

It's funny, I use to think that. In my egocentricity (in my 20s mind you!), I assumed that if I didn't need "help" given my horrendous childhood, no one did. People were just being wimpy. As my horizons broadened, I learned that there's a lot more that goes on in the brain and contributes to mental health besides having an abusive childhood! I have often wished that I could bottle my resiliency and hand it on to some of my students.

Veronica

[malkin]

Sign me up for a big bottle of your resiliency potion when you get it worked out, ok?
Better yet, I'd sign up for a weekly home delivery like the milkman used to bring!