Will you have regrets?

[shootingstar]

A thought for the day..for life.

These are the top 5 regrets (that I excerpted from the linked article), that a nurse in palliative care heard from dying patients http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Re...the-Dying.html :


1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

[Blueberry]

I just lost a very dear friend of mine. A hit and run driver killed him while he was riding his bike. 2 pending DWI charges. Turned himself in the next day. I saw this on facebook a few days ago, and read it.

As much as his loss has hurt me, and my entire community, I have to say - I don't think he would have had any of these regrets. He lived his live to the absolute fullest, and was a role model for so many. That brings me comfort, even though he died much too young and in a way no one would have wished for him.

[indysteel]

(((Blueberry))). I'm so sorry about your friend. How tragic.

[Crankin]

That is terrible, Blueberry. Condolences.
I have tried to adjust my life, so I don't have those regrets. I think it's mostly working.
My DIL's dad was just diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. He doesn't have much longer and is in the palliative care unit at the Brigham. This is someone who probably has all of those regrets and it's an awful situation for everyone involved, including my son, who has to be the "adult" in this situation.

[IBrakeforPastry]

Regarding #2: A few years ago we were very understaffed at work. We worked 6-day weeks, some 10-hour days, lots of overtime. Some people got greedy with the overtime they were also some of the most miserable people ever (we were all tired and cranky). Then I read somewhere, "Nobody ever said on their deathbed, 'I wish I spent more time at the office'". Another person announced that he didn't want to be the richest man in the graveyard. So while other people were making (and spending) lots of money, I tried to keep a balance - and my sanity.

As for the other regrets, I'm working on not having those. Thanks for the reminder.

[Catrin]

{{{Blueberry}}} so sorry to read about the tragic loss of your friend.

My past path in life has been a bit...different in many ways. I've been working hard on letting go of the past, accepting it for what it was and recognizing the current "me" is a result of that past. If my past had been different then the Catrin today would likely also be different. So am working hard (and have for some time) to let all of that go and focusing on finding out what happiness means to me - now, in this place.

Thank you for the reminders! As my group coach tells us sometimes: "Learn like you will live forever, live like this is our last day".

[indysteel]

{{{Blueberry}}} so sorry to read about the tragic loss of your friend.

My past path in life has been a bit...different in many ways. I've been working hard on letting go of the past, accepting it for what it was and recognizing the current "me" is a result of that past. If my past had been different then the Catrin today would likely also be different. So am working hard (and have for some time) to let all of that go and focusing on finding out what happiness means to me - now, in this place.

Thank you for the reminders! As my group coach tells us sometimes: "Learn like you will live forever, live like this is our last day".

Power to you on that journey, Catrin. Your attitude about your past sounds similar, in many ways, to my own.

[Koronin]

The only thing I regret is that I took a geography class for credit/no credit instead of for a grade while in college. I aced that class without having to study or do anything. Not really sure that counts though.

[shootingstar]

For #1 it has been a long road, hard at times to make key personal choices to live life as close as it fits my goals. Can't say I'm there 100% because sometimes the necessity of a job to bring in money for my own long term future, forces a person into a corner to make difficult career and location choices.

I envy people who just can leave a full-time job and just travel for a year or longer overseas. I have never had that mindset. Having experienced unemployment 3 times for certain times of my career, does make me a bit more cautious in my life journey choices.

Yes, for me to live the life I live now, took persistence etc. because my life is totally different from...ie. what my parents led, what they valued for their children. However I don't deny that I have become the person I made because of both the choices I made and also how I was raised because some of that foundation (roots) is good also. It's just finding personal ways to disband the negative stuff. It's not over.


#3 Has taken a long time but much better than a few decades ago.

I do regret some things that are painful, that I still grieve. But I have memories of good times with loved one. I only ask for more courage to face with grace, what lies ahead. (We were told maybe my father has 5 months to live (prostate cancer)...?? Even my doctor sister isn't sure how to interpret this after she spoke with the oncologist. This gets super complicated with my mother who doesn't know much English and her children losing Chinese fluency.)

Strange as this may seem to some, but for the past year, I have a powerful urge to share stories and photos of what I've experienced through my personal blog. Non-bloggers wonder how on earth can some people spend time on a personal blog. I see it like a piece of art work, a novel or a building a house (of memories), weaving a fantastic tapestry.

[malkin]

The only thing I regret is that I took a geography class for credit/no credit instead of for a grade while in college. I aced that class without having to study or do anything. Not really sure that counts though.

Mine is kind of like that too. I regret eating that fried rice in Waikiki and that hot dog in Candlestick Park that made me...well...let's just say they made memories of the worst kind. You know what happens; I'll spare you the details.

[BethHarpring]

"I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. "

I lost a friend because I have been to busy. I regret not spending enough time with her.