1. Where do you keep the litter box? This is my biggest concern: I don't want my house to smell yucky.
1a. Does anyone use a fancy self-cleaning litter box? Do those things really work? I'm willing to invest.

I keep theirs in the office, in a closet. They get scooped frequently and I have domed boxes, plus using baking soda really does cut down on the odor. Rinse them out frequently outside and change the litter completely at regular intervals.

I've never used the fancy ones, I think they'd terrify my wussy boy cat, and I would never want him to have a negative association with the litter!

If you do have problems with inappropriate elimination, please take your kitty to the vet right away to get checked out for possible UTI. Also, enzymatic cleaners are available at pet supply stores and that's really the only thing that works on cat urine.

2. Inside cat or outside cat? Inside cat probably gets to live longer, outside cat probably has more fun; I'm interested in opinions.

Inside only. Outdoor kitties have to face a lot of dangers and I live on a busy street. I've had a lot of close calls with my neighbor's outdoor cat, who seems to like to play chicken with cars. Training your kitteh to walk on a leash from a young age is a great way to have some adventures together and satisfy kitty's need to chase bugs and chew on your lawn.

3. I'm noticing a lot of people feed their cats canned food. Is it actually better for the cats than dry food? I don't particularly like the smell of canned food (notice a theme?), but if dry food is really bad for the cat...

Higher quality cat foods smell a LOT better than the grocery store stuff, but quite frankly, it just depends on what your cat will eat. If the first ingredient is chicken, the food smells like chicken. If the first ingredient is something wacky like "chicken by-product meal" or well....corn, the food and the kitty probably won't smell too good.

Wet food is much better for cats, who naturally get a lot of their hydration from their prey and aren't always great drinkers. Offering them a fountain is a good way to stimulate their thirst. I throw ice cubes in mine every morning and you'd think I had filled it with mice based on how excited they get.

4. How do you pick a nice cat? I'd prefer a cat that purrs and snuggles to a cat that hisses and bites, please.

I would actually suggest two. Two kittens or cats will beat up on each other instead of your house. If you do get an adult cat, try to adopt from a foster group so you adopt from someone more familiar with kitty's real personality and quirks to ensure they're truly suitable for your home.

I've gone the "adopt an adult cat" route and ended up with my sweet kitty who chose me at the shelter turning into a bit of a hellion. It turned out that she needed to live in a herd and be an indoor/outdoor kitty, but they didn't know enough about her history and personality outside of the shelter and placed her in my indoor-only, single cat home. She is now the queen bee in a household of 5 cats with outdoor space and is always happy to see me.

I think kittens are a lot easier to train the way you'd like. All cats have independent minds and pretty much do what they want, but at least my two know to not let me SEE them on the kitchen counter.

I've fostered many kittens, and the shy/skittish, formerly feral boys make the LOVIEST cats. You have to go slowly with them and earn their trust, but they will absolutely adore you for life.

5. Is there a trick to keep the cats from destroying furniture? I would never declaw a cat, that's just cruel. (Even I know that, and I'm a pet moron.) Can you get their nails filed or something? Or will one of those cat playgrounds solve the problem?

Microsuede furniture! Mine haven't touched it. Any fabric furniture they're very interested in and do claw (when I am not home to see it,) but the microfiber/microsuede...not so much. Leather does get scratched just from their daily romping around. Just make sure that you offer them appropriate places to scratch and also of their preferred material. Some cats like to claw carpet, others like sisal. Some cats like a tall post, some prefer to scratch the ground.

When trying to teach my two cats, as kittens, the glories of the scratching post, I took their favorite bell toy and sewed it to the top. They went NUTS trying to climb the post to get it off and have used scratching posts reliably since. If you have something that they are clawing and they shouldn't, double-sided tape works well.

Cats also like to be up high, so places to snooze where they can survey the room, appropriate places to claw, perches by the window, and a nice selection of toys to stimulate them will reduce their destructiveness and keep them happy.

Do clip their claws regularly and start young on both claw clipping and dental hygiene. Much easier.

There are lots of wonderful cats out there! I hope you decide to bring home your new best friend.