Responding to invitations

[Jen12]

I respond depending on the type of invitation. If it's something informal and my showing up on time doesn't change the other person's plans ("Do you want to join us for lunch on Wednesday? A few of us are going to be at the coffee shop at noon.) then I may give a noncommital answer.

I NEVER do the "fashionably late" thing. I think that's disrespectful to the host. If the invitation says 8pm I'm there at 8:05.

But at least you respond. Even a noncommital answer is better than none. If I invited you to go to lunch on Wednesday and you said maybe, I'd hold the day open. If you said no, I might make other plans. If I didn't know either way, I'm holding valuable time open just waiting for you...that's my real pet peeve.

The late thing is another issue for me. I was brought up to not keep people waiting. If we are meeting at 8:00, I'm there at 7:50. I allow for traffic, unexpected delays, etc and generally end up earlier than I want to be. I used to go out with a guy who was chronically late. Every time we'd make plans, he'd end up texting me to tell me he was running late. The last straw was when he almost made us miss a flight, because in his words, "we're checked in. They won't leave until we're on board." At that point I knew EXACTLY the personality I was dealing with and that we'd never meld.

It all just goes to being courteous to other people

[VeganBikeChick]

I was also taught that showing up habitually late means you value your time more than the other person's. What makes you more valuable than them?! It's definitely inconsiderate IMO.

[badger]

while I hate it when I plan for a party and I get "oh, I'm busy that day", "yeah, I'm doing something else" and end up scrapping because everyone's "too busy", I'm one of the bad ones for being lax in replying to invites.

However, I don't ever NOT reply and then just show up. I'll let the host know one way or the other before the event, but it could be a fairly short notice unless I know for sure that I can attend.

I'm also bad for not thanking people right away. I mean to, but I seem to just be super lazy/postpone/avoid and not end up doing it for several days/weeks.

[Crankin]

Smiling Cat, there is no such thing as "fashionably late." Some people just have really bad time management and organization skills. Being late shows disrespect in my book. DH once told our pediatrician that he was going to charge him X amount for the time he sat in the waiting room, hours, with no one telling him that they were running late, or a phone call to tell him not to bring the kid in on time. Believe me, the lateness stopped right then. I understand medical emergencies, but geez, just communicate.
DS 1 married a habitually late person. After they were extremely late to a Passover seder at our friends' house and to DS 2's rehearsal dinner, we told him to read her the riot act. We know it is not him! So, now, he tells her an earlier time... and she is improving; she just was never taught that this is important. Her parents were almost called into social services for not getting her to school on time . No wonder she needs some guidance on this.

[PamNY]

I don't necessarily mind people being late -- if it's a big party, that is fine. For a smaller dinner party, a little lateness is okay, but a long delay would be troublesome. It's normal for people to have drinks and chat before dinner, so 15 minutes or so doesn't matter.

Same for meeting at a restaurant -- it really isn't possible to be precisely on time, so someone is going to end up waiting. A short delay is fine.

What I truly dislike is people who come early for dinner at my house -- yes, it happens. Sometimes they are going to "help" but neglected to tell me (sign of a busybody, if you ask me). We had one friend who was as much as an hour early on a regular basis.

Arriving exactly on time is really impossible, with traffic delays and weekend subways being quirky. Fifteen minutes late is better than 15 minutes early. I did have one extremely polite and punctual friend who would arrive early and wait in the lobby until the appointed time.

[Rebekah H]

Arriving exactly on time is really impossible, with traffic delays and weekend subways being quirky. Fifteen minutes late is better than 15 minutes early. I did have one extremely polite and punctual friend who would arrive early and wait in the lobby until the appointed time.

An hour early is insane. No one is ever ready for guests an hour early.

[Owlie]

With invitations, if I know I can't make it, I'll say so. It depends on how far out the event is for a "yes". If it's on Saturday, I can give you an answer. If it's next month...not so much. I'll say something like "I should be able to make it, but I'll let you know otherwise", and try to remember to give them a definitive "yes" closer in.

Jen12, I was brought up the same way. Be a little early. For stuff with friends, I'd rather be a little bit late. In my group of friends, it's understood that 8:00 generally means 8:10 or 8;15.

[Crankin]

I always allow 15 minutes extra to go anywhere, more if it involves a high traffic area, and if I feel I have arrived somewhere too early, I wait in my car or go get a coffee.
I really don't think even a little lateness is OK, except in the case of a big party, where it doesn't matter in a sea of 50+ people. If people came "a little late" to my house for dinner, I would be pissed. Yes, we have appetizers and drinks, and that is part of the dinner.
I know a couple who are so habitually late, everyone in my social circle stopped being friends with them. They once arrived 1.5 hours late for a pot luck dinner I had, when they were bringing a main dish... they also picked up DS #1 about 45 minutes late for a babysitting job, which had necessitated him in changing plans to be home at the time they said they would be there.
Being on time and writing thank you notes are just part of having manners, something we are sorely lacking (not this group in particular!). I know this puts me squarely in the 50+ group, but of course, I think things were better before the advent of so much technology and when people got dressed up.

[grey]

An hour early is insane. No one is ever ready for guests an hour early.

I would flip. Out. Totally. The last hour before people show is usually CHAOS. I'm probably not dressed yet, or haven't put makeup on, or am frantically vacuuming or upset that something isn't perfect. Hardly the way to start anything off!

I hate being late. DH thinks i am crazy to be angry every time he makes us late for something - and yes, we were 30 minutes late to Thanksgiving once, and we were bringing the rolls and a main dish! He shrugs it off and says everything starts just fine without us - "we get there when we get there."

I was raised to arrive on time - leave home early, and drive around the block or sit in the car until it's time to go in.