highly sensitive person

[Crankin]

Just as I thought, I am not highly sensitive, though I have a couple of these traits. I was quiet as a young child (hard to believe) and people thought I was really shy. Then, all of a sudden, when I was around 8-9 I became outgoing.
The only thing I have, that's "overly sensitive" is related to allergies/asthma. I have the skin thing, where I can't stand the feel of labels, seams, certain materials. It's kind of cyclical. Some days it won't bother me, but other days... I can only wear what I call my "cozy" feeling clothing. It will get to the point that I will get welts, or little red bumps, or just feel totally uncomfortable.
I remember being about ten years old and telling my mom I couldn't wear a pair of pajamas she bought me because the seams were "itchy." She just couldn't understand, took the pants, ripped them in half and threw them away .
I think I was carrying on a little bit.

[GLC1968]

Not even going to look at it. I suppose there's a medication they're trying to sell us, which is where most of these marginal "diagnoses" come from nowadays. Sorry, IMO every personality trait is not a diagnosis.

Actually, no...no medication. It's not something that you 'cure' except maybe in very severe cases. It's really just a classification that helps those of us who have it validate something we've been dealing with for years.

It's like learning that you aren't the only person in the world who thinks that cilantro tastes like soap.

Not earth-shattering, but certainly nice to know that you aren't alone.

[PamNY]

Not even going to look at it. I suppose there's a medication they're trying to sell us, which is where most of these marginal "diagnoses" come from nowadays. Sorry, IMO every personality trait is not a diagnosis.

Have you been in a bookstore lately? These things nearly always mean someone has written a book -- and that's true in this case. I don't think that's bad, necessarily, but it's certainly predictable.

[indysteel]

Not even going to look at it. I suppose there's a medication they're trying to sell us, which is where most of these marginal "diagnoses" come from nowadays. Sorry, IMO every personality trait is not a diagnosis.

I understand where you're coming from, but I think that's overly dismissive. No one has ever tried to suggest medication for me, nor was it suggested to me as a "diagnosis." Rather, my therapist thought it was both a plausible and helpful explanation for a long list of behaviors and anxieties that were negatively impacting my life. So much made sense after I learned more about HSP. Plus, it did offer me some comfort to know that I wasn't just some oddity. With or without a formal name, it still comes down to learning better coping strategies and doing my best to avoid certain triggers.

[Jolt]

I checked out the quiz and quite a few of those things describe me--mainly the ones dealing with sounds, chaotic environments and having to do too many things at once. Also, sometimes I do just need to have some peace and quiet away from people--not in a darkened room though; a nice trail run usually does quite nicely (maybe that's my way of getting rid of pent-up energy/stress). Sights and smells don't bother me so much but being in crowded, chaotic or noisy situations makes me crazy! (Ask my best friend who has been to NYC with me a couple of times--she's about the calmest most easygoing person ever and I was driving HER crazy because I was so stressed out from being on total overload!! NYC is just not a good place for me--Boston I can handle.) One big pet peeve is when more than one person tries to talk to me at one time--I have to stop them and tell them I can only listen to one person at a time. I do feel like today's society expects way too much as far as multitasking--some of us find it much easier and more efficient to focus on one or two things at a time and I don't think that means there's anything wrong with us. I think there's something wrong with expecting everyone to be able to juggle a gazillion different tasks!

[Tri Girl]

That's interesting. It seems there's a diagnosis for EVERYTHING nowadays, tho.
A little off topic here, but I had a student one time that had very messy handwriting (4th grade). He was very intelligent and had no learning or social issues- he just didn't write legibly (although he had no other fine motor issues). His parents took him to 12 (yes, 12) specialists until he was diagnosed with dysgraphia. They insisted we provide physical and occupational therapy (we're a parochial school with no services available so they wanted us to pay for his services from professionals of their choice) and they insisted that they write everything for him and he could dictate his work to them.



As far as the highly sensitive person, I checked almost every one of those statements on the quiz. I've always been sensitive to others, inanimate objects, noises, smells, lights, etc. Not knowing what it was, I just developed coping mechanisms to deal.

[Tuckervill]

This would be easier for the doubters to understand if you ever had or knew a child who was extremely highly sensitive. Since they haven't learned to tolerate what bothers them or any coping skills, it is easier to detect that something is making them anxious or uncomfortable. Unfortunately, many adults and parents don't take children seriously when a child expresses their discomfort, or they can't understand it, or they minimize or discount it because "it's not that bad" (to the parents).

As an example, I took my son to Circus Circus when we were in Vegas to see the trapeze artists. The place was full of kids of course (he was 12 or so). A family watching between us and the act consisted of two parents, a small baby, and a toddler. As the music began, very loudly, and the lights dimmed and lots of lasers and stuff started happening, the toddler's hands flew up to her ears. It was a motion I recognized instantly, because my youngest has always covered his ears for loud noises. I have numerous pictures of him at fireworks shows, etc., with his ears covered by both hands or one ear to the shoulder and one hand on the other ear if he needed his hand. Even now, at 16, he mows the lawn with ear protection on.

The parents were upset with the toddler because she just could not enjoy the trapeze artist with the loud music. They kept trying to get her to look at the artist. They tried to pull her hands from her ears (heartless!) and eventually they made her cry by forcing the issue. Eventually she laid her head on dad's shoulder and turned her head away from the act. So not only was she overwhelmed by the sound, her parents made her cry AND she couldn't enjoy the act! As I watched all this unfold, I glanced over at my 12 year old, who ALSO had his hands over his ears. He was watching her, too.

She was too young to care what her parents thought and adapt her behavior to cope with the stimulation. But I bet she's learned since then. It would have been much better if she had had the chance to know what would happen and given the choice to leave if it was too much.

Kids who take off their shoes first chance they get (mine), refuse socks or insist on soft clothes or wearing them inside out, cover their ears for any loud noise (mine), are afraid of certain types of people from a young age (mine--clowns and mascots, started at 6 weeks), pick up on other people's moods early, refuse to touch certain types of fabric (mine), startle easily--these are kids who are likely on the highly sensitive side. They were probably also the newborn babies who didn't instantly drop off to sleep the time the family party got loud and raucous or in another overstimulating environment.

It's not a made up diagnosis. It's not the same as not liking broccoli. It's an experiential difference that shouldn't be made fun of.

Karen

[ny biker]

Not knowing what it was, I just developed coping mechanisms to deal.

But even if you have a diagnosis for it, don't you still need to develop coping mechanisms? I have a diagnosis for migraines, and I have ways to manage them so I can function. Same with asthma and allergies.

[WindingRoad]

I have read a couple of the books by Elaine Aron and I have found them extremely useful as an HSP. I don't agree with every part of her books but I appreciate she has tried to make studying this type of thing as much of a science as can be expected. I DO buy into the fact that due to certain circumstances in the development of our nervous systems HSPs can be more attuned to stimulus than other people. I've learned too much about the development of the nervous system and how such subtle changes can affect it not to think there could be some protein or defect somewhere that resulted in a more sensitive nervous system.

Here's a link to more information on the subject if you are interested.

http://www.hsperson.com/pages/aron_bio.htm

[channlluv]

BTW what is a "rich, complex inner life"?

When the voices and inner dialogue going on in your head is more entertaining than what's going on around you.

I was once doing some volunteer work at a ballet school that involved a couple of hours of detailed work editing photos. One of the teachers asked me if I didn't want to put on some music there in the office. I told her no, that there was a story going on in my head and I was fine. Which is true. Most of the time I've got a story going on, or I'm having conversations with people in my head so that music playing or the TV or whatever is a distraction.

I scored pretty high, too.

Roxy

[GLC1968]

I have been marveling at how different so many events in my life look to me in retrospect since learning about this. I always faulted myself for not having a powerful enough brain to process all the stimuli all at once. I mean, other people don't have this issue, so clearly my brain is lacking, right? It never occurred to me that maybe others don't have this issue because they don't notice every little thing in a new scene all at once. My husband confirmed this - he notices things in a methodical order when he goes into a new place (for example). This made me feel SOOOO much better. It's not that my brain is lacking the processing ability, it is that my sense of perception is too strong. My husband suggested that it should be looked at as a strength, not a weakness or a 'condition'. I like that idea. I'm going to call it my 'super power'.

Anyway, I recalled a situation when I worked in retail. I was the manager of a very large high end outlet store. It was a busy weekend day, and I had probably 25 employees on the sales floor. Customers were everywhere. I had been in the back for some reason and when I came out onto the sales floor, I immediately knew something was wrong. To this day, I can't put a finger on what I saw, but something triggered my awareness and I immediately called in 'reinforcements'. We were under 'attack' by 6-7 members of a professional shoplifting ring. My trained security employees hadn't noticed it but I immediately did. Everyone joked about it at the time, but now I think it must have had something to do with this. Had I not known my own store so well, I might not have picked up on what was out of place admist the overload....but since it was my store and I knew it like I knew my own bedroom, the anomoly stuck out. Funny.

I need to do some more reading because now I am wondering if there is a hereditary aspect to this. My brother is the same way. He would scream about sock seams as a child (I was never that way) and to this day, hates tags in his t-shirts. He also hated (and would freak out) if a restaurant was too loud. I'll have to send him a link to the quiz to see how much else is true for him.

[badger]

by reading all the responses, it's obvious who is highly sensitive, and who aren't. I think those who are highly sensitive understands what's being discussed, and those who aren't poo-poo it.

It's not a diagnosis, but more like what GLC said, a validation for a string of behaviours and "quirks" we've had to live with that are actually shared by others.

One of the things that have frustrated me all my adult life is the fact I know I can do more, yet I'm stuck in a dead end job and not knowing how to get out of it. I know this isn't specifically an HSP problem, but it was interesting to note that a lot of people who are highly sensitive end up in jobs they find unfulfilling and unable to remedy that effectively.

One thing I will say about growing up in a family that never understood me is that my self esteem has never been healthy. Having an overly critical mother and being sensitive to what others say/feel certainly didn't help.

I'm hoping that by better understanding that I'm overly sensitive will hopefully help me in not beating myself up so much over little things.

[shootingstar]

I'm hoping that by better understanding that I'm overly sensitive will hopefully help me in not beating myself up so much over little things.

While there's certain things in person one can't always remedy/correct completely, there are strengths that each person has.

Perhaps it's to figure what those strengths are and go from there.

[lph]

The kicker for me was realizing, as I ticked the boxes, that most of these traits (not all) do apply to me, but as far as I can see, not to most other people. I have colleagues who can happily keep on talking to me even if their phone is ringing, and inlaws who can carry on a conversation with me even if the tv is on. I have friends who can drink coffee late in the evening, most of them will gladly stay on at a party as long as they can. Most of the people around me at a funeral are sad, but not sobbing uncontrollably. I see so many people constantly listening to music, even when they're doing something else as well. I see cyclists and skiers wearing too much clothing, they just seem hot but unbothered and I would be desperately tearing it off.

I just never saw a pattern until now, and just thought I was fussy and had strong habits. I didn't read it as a diagnosis and I'm certainly not buying anything but it's nice to see it's a recognizable and understandable set of traits that many people do in fact share.

[OakLeaf]

by reading all the responses, it's obvious who is highly sensitive, and who aren't. I think those who are highly sensitive understands what's being discussed, and those who aren't poo-poo it.

Okay, I have to say that without looking at the link, I'm guessing that I probably WOULD qualify under most of the criteria, and that's exactly WHY I'm skeptical.

"Too much all at once" is something I've known about myself for years. That's exactly the phrase I use, and my DH knows to back off IMMEDIATELY when I use it. I'm allergic to a broad spectrum of foods and inhalants and some contact agents. When I run, I much prefer to run alone. I'm not agoraphobic (which is a diagnosis), but I'd rather hang with just a few people than a large party. I'm easily triggered emotionally.

What I don't see is the need for some grand unifying diagnosis to explain all my personality quirks. I've been in therapy, and while I don't kid myself that I'm "done," I've learned to cope well enough.

Learning not to beat yourself up is learning not to beat yourself up. It doesn't matter what you might be beating yourself up over.

Identifying physical and emotional triggers, desensitizing yourself to the ones you can, and knowing when avoidance is the best strategy (either temporarily or permanently), is identifying and dealing with triggers. It doesn't matter whether the trigger is ragweed pollen, loud noises or a sad movie.

Knowing that we are members of an enormous majority of people who can't listen an iPod and pay attention to their driving/riding/running at the same time is just common sense, and the fact that we refuse to engage in this dangerous behavior is not a pathology, however unpopular it may be.

JMO...