What would you do?

[Selkie]

If I reported it, they would investigate. They are exceptionally good at trying to quash these things and management at the highest level is extremely dedicated to EEO issues.

Unfortunately, at the working level, it's still seen as not being able to get along or being too sensitive. I also wouldn't put it past him to lie about it. I am going to start documenting things, in addition to the course of action I described above. If my continued attempts have no impact or make him act out more, I will go to my supervisor. This person is a negative influence in the work environment on just about every level, so this is one factor of several issues related to him.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, Tzvia. I'm glad she was able to sue.

[NbyNW]

I think it's good that you're documenting things, even if you don't feel that this is the time to elevate the situation to a management concern.

I have been a fly on the wall listening to DH's management challenges. In one case they were getting ready to let someone go for poor performance and other problems, and it came out that this person had behaved inappropriately towards some of the women in the office, but they had not filed reports. DH had to really convince them that it was important that they file the reports, that it was not "making trouble." Having those reports on file, even if they came months after the fact, made it impossible for the guy to slap back at the company with a wrongful termination suit.

[Selkie]

My boss likes him and he's add some limited value (likes to pick and choose his tasks, and avoid the difficult work--I have gotten stuck doing a lot of things that should have been assigned to him). Our office is new and our boss has been very distracted & busy setting things up, so she really hasn't been able to "manage" us. That said, I think she's starting to figure him out. With any luck, he'll decide that he's not being treat fairly and leave (he's always threatening to do so...).

[Selkie]

UPDATE: Well, Dino the Dinosaur did it again, this Thursday. He referred to me as "Mrs. DH'sSurname" in front of a coworker (the three of us were talking about the how hot it was in the office). I told him again, NOT to call me that, said that it was going to "get hotter" in the office if he didn't stop it, and walked away. Yesterday, I finally talked to my boss about it, and she said she's going to talk to him on Monday--he was out yesterday. If he does it again, she wants to know. Apparently, he's already been counseled for his inappropriate comments, which he's attributed to "humor." This guy has pet names for people whom he doesn't like--he calls one person "Herpes" and another "Condom." I suspect someone complained to her about that. I'm glad I told her because now she will realize that this is more than just a matter of Dino having a different sense of humor and that he's actually trying to put down others. I told her that he kept doing it, despite my asking him not to, and that was why I felt she needed to know. I expect that he will react in his typical passive-aggressive fashion but I will ignore it. I also suspect that he has been calling me "Mrs. DH'sSurname" behind my back to anyone whom he talks at (it's likely his pet name for me).

[Maxxxie]

Mickchick, I'm so pleased to hear that you brought him to your boss' attention. Hopefully he'll pull his head in!

Max

[Cataboo]

Kind of a related aside, my brother in law seems to have gotten screwed when an HR complaint that he filed against someone else (for screaming fits and racist comments) has resulted into an investigation of my BIL (for supposedly showing favortism to members of his same race) and him being suspended today.

Anyone know a lawyer that deals with this sort of thing that works in the DC/Virginia area? He could just pick one randomly in the phone book, but some word of mouth would be good

[Skierchickie]

Mickchick - I had a somewhat similar situation about 10 years ago. A guy in his 50s, previously self-employed, and somewhat crazy. In his interview (we had this procedure there where groups of co-workers would interview prospective employees, not just the boss). Anyway, Red Flag #1 was when he asked me, during his interview, if I was married, how long, and later on whether I had kids. When I said "no", he said "Really?? 10 years and no kids? Your mother and mother-in-law must be worried!". Nobody else picked up on anything, and he got hired. Next, in a meeting, my only female co-worker and I were sitting across the table from him. His comment? "Wow - two left-handed females. They filled two quotas at once!".

Okay, months later, and much gritting of teeth on my part, the last straw was the day I walked down the aisle to my cubicle, past the copier area. He had it all torn apart, and was at his wit's end. "AH - women's work!" was his way of trying to get me to help him.

I realized I had to bite the bullet and talk to him about it. It was never going to stop. I handled it the best I could, but was all nervous & jittery. I didn't want to rat him out to the boss without ever having said anything directly to him. He absolutely did not get it. He thought my objection to his "left-handed female" remark was about the left-handed part. He also said that he had nothing against female engineers, but in his experience none of them were very good. Etc, etc. So I went back to my desk, SEETHING!

Not long after, he went on a business trip with the boss. He he he. After they got back, my boss called me into his office, made me close the door,.... "So, what's going on between you and XYZ?" I said, "ER, nothing, why?". He said "That isn't what XYZ said - tell me your side". So I did. My boss produced a letter for me to sign, saying if XYZ EVER said any of that stuff to me again, I would tell him, and the guy would be disciplined. The letter went in both of our employee files.

End of story, he was fired for something else (I'm sure it didn't help his case) shortly thereafter.

The moral of my story: I'm really glad you talked to your boss. This stuff can NOT go on, or it will just keep happening. We are no longer in the Dark Ages, my friend.

[Selkie]

Catriona - I'm sorry to hear about your brother. Can't say I'm surprised. I know of an attorney, but she specializes in Federal employee EEO issues. Let me know if you want her name and I'll pm you.

Dino has been giving me the Silent Treatment since my boss spoke to him. All I'll say to that is Thank God!!

[Skierchickie]

Dino has been giving me the Silent Treatment since my boss spoke to him. All I'll say to that is Thank God!!

Yep. In my case, it was the silent treatment, plus apparently telling the guys in the office to be careful what they said to me. Clearly thought I was a militant feminist or something (I'm actually pretty lame, and it took summoning all my courage to confront him, in as friendly a manner as possible). One of the coolest guys there told me about that after the fact. He thought it was pretty funny, which was a relief to me (because it meant that at least HE didn't see me as hyper-sensitive).

On the bright side, I really do think these morons are fewer and farther between than they were 20 years ago. Either that, or they've learned to keep their traps shut. It's people like you, Mickchick, who are helping to eradicate them from the planet.