Girls in Action- sad story

[newfsmith]

I think I've mentioned that I volunteer at the Bikes-not-Bombs earn-a-bike program, meant for 12 to 18 yr old youth. The past 6 weeks have been the girls only session, called Girls in Action. It has been a blast, with a fair amount of after-school screaming. We are almost on schedule to finish all their bikes for Friday, graduation day. We volunteers were cleaning up at the end of today's session when we heard screaming. One of the girls returned to the center, hysterical. She had just been mugged, at gun-point, as she was walking two blocks to the MBTA stop. The assailant took her cell phone.
She is 12, tall for her age, but still only 12.

I know how to teach bike mechanics, but I don't know how to teach kids to handle this.

[Tuckervill]

Oh, that's rough.

Karen

[lph]

aaaahh, that's sad

Is there any way you can change her outlook on it and make it feel less threatening? I mean the gunpoint thing is terrifiying but in the grand scheme of things losing a cellphone isn't much. I don't know, but if you can help her think of why the mugger did this, not to gain sympathy, just to make him or her human, not a monster, it might have less impact. Reporting it might help her take control and get mad, not scared.

[Duck on Wheels]

I think the first thing to tell her is that she did the right thing.! She gave up the cell phone, ran, got help. The robber got a cell phone; she kept her life. He was probably pretty desperate to be robbing cell phones off of kids. He got something he desperately needed, but she got the more valuable outcome. Good priorities! Next steps: call the cell company and get it shut off, call the police. I'm sure you've already taken her through those steps. Long-term: work on regaining sense of control over the environment. Well, actually, by telling her she handled it well, she's already on that route. Same goes for getting the police involved, if they give some priority to it. The bike will also be a good step because it will make her faster and stronger. Any of you volunteers happen to be martial arts instructors? If so, then you could offer a self-defense course. What with the economic meltdown, and in light of a continuing culture of consumerism and greed, things are going to get rougher many places. So on the even longer term, and going beyond individual solutions, talking about the political and economic context of violent crimes might also be appropriate -- if you can handle that at a level teens can understand and can deal with constructively. You may be surprised, btw, by what teens can understand and do!

[newfsmith]

The girls did have a session on personal safety. There isn't enough time in 6 weeks to go too far afield from bike mechanics and ride safety, so no physical self-defence. These kids all live in the inner city, many in the "drive by shooting zone". So they are all pretty aware of their surroundings and hear about safety a lot. BNB itself is located in a very vibrant part of the city, Jamaica Plain, near a linear park with a MUP that runs into the city, past a university and a community college. I think for many of the girls it may have seemed a much safer area than their own neighborhood. Not any more. I'm afraid this might really affect the viability of the girls' program, which almost folded last year due to low enrollment.

[Iris616]

I think the first thing to tell her is that she did the right thing.! She gave up the cell phone, ran, got help. The robber got a cell phone; she kept her life. He was probably pretty desperate to be robbing cell phones off of kids. He got something he desperately needed, but she got the more valuable outcome. Good priorities! Next steps: call the cell company and get it shut off, call the police. I'm sure you've already taken her through those steps. Long-term: work on regaining sense of control over the environment. Well, actually, by telling her she handled it well, she's already on that route. Same goes for getting the police involved, if they give some priority to it. The bike will also be a good step because it will make her faster and stronger. Any of you volunteers happen to be martial arts instructors? If so, then you could offer a self-defense course. What with the economic meltdown, and in light of a continuing culture of consumerism and greed, things are going to get rougher many places. So on the even longer term, and going beyond individual solutions, talking about the political and economic context of violent crimes might also be appropriate -- if you can handle that at a level teens can understand and can deal with constructively. You may be surprised, btw, by what teens can understand and do!

+++1+++

She did the right thing! And, she's such a strong person, because she is still here today.

Will she talk to her parents? Will they be supportive? Some adult who will have continued interactions with her should know about the attack, so they can help her process it. I would add, just check in on her- encourage her to come back, maybe as a junior volunteer for future classes.

To me, she came 2 blocks back to where you were- clearly you have developed a rapport and a sense of secure environment during this class. Great job!!

[Triskeliongirl]

Wow, this is sad. My daughter is living with a family in JP, and I recently sponsored one of the kids in the family to do a group ride on his BNB bike with proceeds going to the organization just a few weeks ago. It seems like a great organization, these seem to be great kids, and I agree with the post that this says a huge amount about the relationaship you guys have built with the kids that she ran back to you guys after it happened.

But, the important thing is that the girl is OK. I know there isn't a lot more that BNB can do to promote personal safety, but I think in teaching these young people how to build a bike, you are also instilling in them the kind of self confidence that they need to safely get out of these situations. And it is harder to be mugged on a bike than walking. So, just take this as a validation of the good you are doing through your volunteer efforts in this terrific community project.

[Photoflygirl]

My suggestion is to check in on her in a couple days. She could be doing better, she could be needing someone to talk to about it. She might have questions like, why her? It is important for her to know it wasn't her fault she was mugged.