Would you hold a wedding shower for yourself?

[maillotpois]

She even has two registries for her bridal shower...at Williams Sonoma and Tiffany's. The cheapest thing on there is $200. What on earth? Is it normal to have a registry for a bridal shower?

That is incredibly tacky!!! As if everyone has an extra $200 for a bridal shower gift - especially in this economy. Sheesh!

[GLC1968]

I got married late in life, too (35). We hadn't set up a house together yet, but we both obviously had plenty of our own 'stuff'. I actually found the registry extremely helpful because we could pick out things we actually needed.

Like our pots and pans and our everyday flatware, which were a mis-mash left over from college days and hand-me downs! We registered for something nice. What we didn't need was towels, linens or glassware - so we didn't register for that stuff. It made it MUCH easier for friends and family to pick out things that would be actually be useful as opposed to getting things like potholders and bathmats...you know?

But yeah, I could not have thrown a shower for myself. Not so much because it would look like 'gift grubbing' but because I'd feel like a loser with no friends!

And while yes, the term 'shower' is for showering a bride or a couple with gifts, it isn't always done that way these days. I have been to plenty of 'showers' where the bride requested NO gifts. It was a fun, girly get-together (possibly in lieu of a bachelorette party, which I find awful) for the female wedding guests and family members to get to know each other prior to the wedding. If you called it just a party - the the whole feel of 'pre-wedding' fun would be lost.

[indysteel]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

My head's hitting the keyboard. You should get an etiquette book as a gift for your friend; she could stand to learn a few things. Engagement gifts are not generally expected and, in any event, invitations should never refer to gift giving or registries and they should certainly never suggest what is preferred. Bridal shower invitations may refer to registries but ONLY because they are not coming from the bride or her immediate family, but rather from her bridesmaids or friends.

As a member of the bridal party, you are not required to attend every event or, if you do choose to attend, to buy gifts for each one. One shower and one wedding gift is more than enough and, even then, they remain voluntary, no matter what a bride may otherwise believe.

IMO, if a bride wants to throw something for her closest friends and family, I don't think it should be in the form of a shower and all that entails. I could sort of accept a "no gifts" luncheon or brunch, but even that's a stretch for me. Many brides host something as a way of thanking their bridal party but that's an opportunity for the bride to give, not get, gifts.

I, personally, find some logic in the rules of etiquette as they related to weddings and the like, in part, because I think people are losing sight of what is and isn't polite in this society. As someone else said, the wedding and reception are the celebration. I'd go a step farther to say that the marriage should ideally be the celebration......but that's because I'm a fan of eloping!

[uforgot]

Indysteel - great post! I'm in total agreement.

[Possegal]

If I were getting married I believe I'd have to throw a "come get your parka cause hell must be freezing over" party. But that's just cause I'm quite unlucky at love.

[ny biker]

If I were getting married I believe I'd have to throw a "come get your parka cause hell must be freezing over" party. But that's just cause I'm quite unlucky at love.

If I ever get married, I am stealing this idea!

[uforgot]

If I ever get married AGAIN, I'm going to try this. On second thought, I'm not going to do it again even if hell freezes over or pigs fly, so never mind.

Hey, I'm just going to have a "I've been in this house for 20 years so I want everyone to come over and bring a gift because my stuff is getting old" party. I promise I'll serve frozen margaritas instead of a cute cake. Don't you dare bring anything that doesn't match my decor, because it's all about ME!

[GLC1968]

Hey, I'm just going to have a "I've been in this house for 20 years so I want everyone to come over and bring a gift because my stuff is getting old" party. I promise I'll serve frozen margaritas instead of a cute cake. Don't you dare bring anything that doesn't match my decor, because it's all about ME!

Was this directed at me for mentioning that we had a registry at age 35?

[Aint Doody]

Hey, uforgot! Great idea. I think I'll have one of those parties, too. And I'll put out a basket for donations to get the house painted along with swatches for recovering some of my furniture. Maybe a list for people to sign up to clean my windows, too.

[Biciclista]

Hey, uforgot! Great idea. I think I'll have one of those parties, too. And I'll put out a basket for donations to get the house painted along with swatches for recovering some of my furniture. Maybe a list for people to sign up to clean my windows, too.

and do yard work??

[uforgot]

Was this directed at me for mentioning that we had a registry at age 35?

Nope. Not at all. I'm so sorry if you took it that way. It was directed at the person who was giving themselves a shower, and the people who request "cash" or "gift cards" only. Then I got to thinking, I'm not getting married, nor am I having a baby, but I could use some stuff. Whenever I'm at showers we always talk about how we should have showers every 20 years or so when it all wears out. So I thought, maybe I should give MYSELF a shower.

Anyway, Im okay with registries. It helps out people who are really concerned what to get. No one is required, or even requested to shop from it. At least they shouldn't be. Oh, not when the least expensive thing is $200 mind you, and bridezilla is watching every step you make. I kind of like going through and picking out something that matches, but if someone doesn't shop from the registry, they still took the time and effort to get the couple something they wanted them to have. I remember my niece was very irritated that someone deviated from the registry and DARED to give her purple towels. Of course I let her know how I felt. This and the money/gift card request is the "all about me" part. I imagine that at 35, your thanks were sincere and you probably even sent thank you notes.

Oh, and by the way, a shower STILL means "shower with gifts", otherwise it's something else.

[uforgot]

Hey, uforgot! Great idea. I think I'll have one of those parties, too. And I'll put out a basket for donations to get the house painted along with swatches for recovering some of my furniture. Maybe a list for people to sign up to clean my windows, too.

It's probably better if you control the gift giving a little more and request gift cards from Merry Maids. Of course, the donations are a nice touch.

[solobiker]

When I got married 12 years ago I didn't want to have a shower for several reasons...I am not big on getting attention from people and I didn't want people to feel like they had to buy things for me. My Mom and MIL strongly encouraged me to have one because " that is what people do" I don't even remember where I registered but I do know I made sure to register for items under $50. I would not feel right having people buy me expensive items. Gosh from reading the above posts I can't believe how materialistic people have become. Isn't a wedding more then just what gifts people give/receive?

[Fujichants]

Great post indysteel!

My friend who is getting married is 24. I have no idea why she would need Tiffany's and Williams Sonoma (although I love that store)...but that is a whole other topic.

She actually approached a mutual best friend who is currently unemployed and ASKED her to get one of the items on her Tiffany's registry because there are only 5,000 pieces left of it in the world and she doesn't want anybody else snatching it up. Her reasoning? She will buy us nice gifts for our bridal showers and weddings as well. Um...who said i'm going to have a wedding in the future?

Definitely a bridezilla! Sometimes I want to shake her and ask her where my friend is.

But more to the topic of hosting your own bridal shower - what if you don't have friends/family living near you? Or you have friends, but they are not so close to you?

[PamNY]

Whenever I'm at showers we always talk about how we should have showers every 20 years or so when it all wears out. So I thought, maybe I should give MYSELF a shower.

Ah yes, my friends and I have talked about a similar concept. In fact, I may give myself an appliance shower, as my dryer, refrigerator and microwave are all acting wonky.

I can't believe someone registered for $200+ gifts for a shower. Showing my age here, but I thought shower gifts were dish towels, measuring cups and such. I do like the idea of an etiquette book as a gift.

Pam