Marriage: it isn't all roses and rainbows

[bouncybouncy]

I told DH I was going to see a dr. He was very supportive. He said that if I felt that sad and needed to do it, then it's something I should do. I told him I was feeling very sad lately and that I was worried that we weren't OK. He said that we are a LONG way from the big D and that we're good.

That almost brought me to tears...sounds like a conversation I had with my hubby not too long ago! I proceeded to see someone and opening lines of communication with hubby little by little (baby steps!!!) and we are in such great place now...and it has only been a couple months!

Keep that appointment!!! And make a few more...one is never enough! Keep those conversations going with your hubby...regardless how "few" words there are! you are on the right path now so keep moving...

[tulip]

TriGirl, you've taken a very courageous and difficult first step; I know how hard that was for you. Take care and keep going in that direction.

[eclectic]

(((((((big hug))))))) for a strong brave woman

I am so glad you made the appointment this quickly - and I got a warm, good all over feeling when I read the post about you talking to your husband.

re crazy people see shrinks - Shrinks are medical doctors trained to treat disorders of the brain. If your thyroid quit working you would go to an internist and get medicine, if your pancreas quit working you would go on insulin. The brain and it's chemical levels are no different.

Re other people's problems - I am sorry to hear about your team teachers son I am sure that is having an effect on you too. And maybe the fact your good friend leaving her husband had a bearing on your marriage feelings (just a guess)

I was glad to hear you say "but I guess if they're the worst problems I'm facing then they're that bad" Truer words were never spoken

another ((((((((big hug))))))))

When you can't hold yourself up - let others carry you - You have many friends here on TE

[salsabike]

Honey, if only crazy people see shrinks, then the human race is crazy (which we are, a bit, just by nature). Believe me, you have lots of quite sane company out here.

You will get through this. And good for you for taking action.

[Irulan]

Conversations like these are how the supposed stigma of getting help for mental issues is erased. It's educating people that yes - it's just another possible illness or situation that can be helped with proper treatment.

That's why I am not shy about talking about my mental health. Well, I don't broadcast it from building rooftops, but I don't hide it either.

I blew up at a gal once. She came to me and was gossiping about a mutual acquaintance: do you know she's on anti-depressants and all that? OHMYGOD!!
I reamed her out. I said, do you know I take anti-depressants and will for the rest of my life? ( she didn't) If she were taking cardiac medication, would you talk about her like that? S

Now, I'm not trying to imply that OP will need medication or anything else, just try to explain that there are various shades of treatment that will help mental issues, and it's nothing to hide. As usual, I feel as eloquent as a bull in a china shop....

[crazycanuck]

I have to admit I'd be too afraid to go & see a psychologist or other metal health person. I don't like the word or even the image of "therapy'. I guess because it's an overused term in the world?
In terms of medication, if i required it for a mental health issue, ok.

Now before you jump on me, my dad has been dealing with PTSD for about 10yrs now. If it wasn't for anti depressants, very good friends & a great dr, he wouldn;t be here right now. He's decreased some of the meds but as soon as he notices a certain trigger feeling, he'll increase it a bit.

I'm in a rush & will have to describe this a bit better later on.

[OakLeaf]

CC, "therapy" means something in the orthopaedic world too, and the analogy is pretty close.

Some people do need orthopaedic surgery. Some people do need psychiatric meds. (At this point I believe I'm one of them.)

Many people need physical therapy but either they or their doctor doesn't want to do the work, so they get surgery instead. Many people need talk therapy but either they or their doctor doesn't want to do the work (or their insurance will cover drugs but not therapy), so they get meds instead.

Just as physical therapy rearranges the physical structures of the bones and soft tissues, talk therapy rearranges the physical structures of the brain. (Yes, it's been proved.)

'Kay?

[solobiker]

Hang in there, you are a very strong person. When I read your 1st post it sounded very much like me. I have been married for close to 13 years and was just recently trying to dig myself out of the biggest rut that life had to offer me. Please hang in there, it takes a lot of courage to seek assistance so you have my highest respect. It will get better.

[solobiker]

Honey, if only crazy people see shrinks, then the human race is crazy (which we are, a bit, just by nature). Believe me, you have lots of quite sane company out here.

You will get through this. And good for you for taking action.

I have to add that I agree with this. There are a lot of people that ask for assistance. It is sometimes good to talk with people that are not close to your situation to give you a different perspective and to give you the tools you need.

[Irulan]

I have to admit I'd be too afraid to go & see a psychologist or other metal health person. I don't like the word or even the image of "therapy'. I guess because it's an overused term in the world?
In terms of medication, if i required it for a mental health issue, ok.

Now before you jump on me, my dad has been dealing with PTSD for about 10yrs now. If it wasn't for anti depressants, very good friends & a great dr, he wouldn;t be here right now. He's decreased some of the meds but as soon as he notices a certain trigger feeling, he'll increase it a bit.

I'm in a rush & will have to describe this a bit better later on.

I think you read my post all wrong. Or maybe I'm not articulating properly.

I have been taking meds for 10 years and will do it lifelong and I am very sensitive about the stigma thing because I think it indicates ignorance about mental health issues.

I jumped all over this gal because of the tone of the gossip "so and so is doing this, can you believe it?" It was the tone and attitude she had, she was saying it like she was gossiping about a neighbor cheating on a spouse, done in whispers and dramatics. She said it like something was wrong with this other person because she takes medication, and that is what pissed me off. What really pissed me of is 1. was none of her business. 2. So what. 3. I already knew 4. gossiping like that is lame, negative and unproductive.

[crazycanuck]

I'll keep my mouth shut from now on in regards to mental health issues as I know where i stand in the world. Irulan-I understood what you meant & have never said anything bad against anyone else taking meds!!!


Tri Girl-sorry to have hijacked your thread. I do hope everything works out for you. I realize you've been under stress at work & just haven't been there to really understand how you feel. Take care & yes, if you require immediate help, do not stop, just go & find it!!!

[Irulan]

Tri Girl-sorry to have hijacked your thread. I do hope everything works out for you. I realize you've been under stress at work & just haven't been there to really understand how you feel. Take care & yes, if you require immediate help, do not stop, just go & find it!!!

yep same here, oops sorry!!

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

There does indeed seem to be a general social stigma attached to the terms "therapy", "Psychiatrist", "mental health", "shrink", etc. It's unfortunate, but there it is. For anyone who gets uncomfortable when they use these terms to the point of hesitating to get help because of it, I think if you substitute the word "counseling", it might not trigger inner uncomfortable associations as much.

[Serendipity]

Thanks, everyone.
I know I shouldn't, and that this is such a terrible thing to think: but I feel crazy for even making the appointment. The stigma is that only crazy people see shrinks, but I know that's NOT true. Good people who need help see shrinks. I'm doing a good thing for me. I just hope she can fix my brain.

Tri-Girl, I think the most important thing in what you have said is that you are doing a good thing for yourself....so true! Please don't let any stigma prevent you from getting help that will make your life better.

In 2000/2001, I went through a very difficult time; over the course of a year and a half, my mother, my (estranged) husband and my brother died, each after rather long illnesses. My GP referred me to a grief counselor - I can tell you that was the best thing I ever did for me. This was an opprtunity to talk with a professional about my feelings (anger, guilt, among others) and understand that those feelings weren't unusual, nor did they make me a bad person. There were just a couple of things that she said to me that were eureka moments. I can't tell you what a burden was lifted.

The second part of my experience is that I made no secret of the fact that I was going to counselling - didn't talk about it all the time, but didn't deny it. As a result, a number of people actually talked to me about the fact that they had gone for counselling at some point. You might be amazed at the people who have sought help in this way - but it is often a stigma, as you say, or something that is kept a secret.

Also wanted to mention that ups and downs are normal in a relationshp - marriage or otherwise. I have since remarried - we've been together for almost seven years - and I there are days when my DH is fed up/annoyed with me ... and some days when I am the same with him. But we can move on from that.

Anyway, sorry to be so long-winded, but hope this helps in some way.

[ACG]

Therapy is an excellent idea and congratulations for taking charge of your life.
I was married 25 years. I am now divorced. All relationships have ups/downs.

Therapy helped me see the distructiveness of the relationship. Even though I don't ever talk to my ex, I think we are both very happy where we are now.


Good luck, lots of hugs!