Things that irk...

[Veronica]

Mail addressed to me as Mrs. Husband's name.

My MIL does this all the time - even though I've told her my first name is NOT Thom. I understand that for her generation that was the proper way to address a letter to a married woman. But I don't like it. I don't derive my self worth from the fact that I'm married.

You'd think after 22 years, I could just let it go...

Veronica

[SheFly]

I'll one up you - my MOTHER does this to me! I have told her, and told her. For my first wedding, I went so far as to print wedding invitations that read, "Mr Firstname Lastname and Mrs Firstname Lastname invite you...". She still, into my second marriage, insists on addressing things to us as Mr & Mrs DH's name.

I'm right there with you - 20 years in, and I still can't fix it.

SheFly

[Veronica]

I'm weird. It's not so bad if it's addressed to both of us. But when it is JUST to me...

Veronica

[solobiker]

This happens to me too. I have only been married 12 years but my MIL always does the same: Mrs. DH's first and last name. What is up with that? She does not call me Skip when she is talking to me..

[Veronica]

It's Emily Post's fault

Never under any circumstances address a social letter or note to a married woman, even if she is a widow, as Mrs. Mary Town. A widow is still Mrs. James Town. If her son’s wife should have the same name, she becomes Mrs. James Town, Sr., or simply Mrs. Town.

That's from her 1922 book I think.

Veronica

[Crankin]

My grandmother did this for years when we were first married. Since this was long before email, every time she wrote, my husband opened up the letter because he saw HIS name!

[solobiker]

My MIL is very traditional as is my FIL. It is hard right now as they are in town visiting us for the month...they are staying with us and let me tell you my house is feeling quite small.

[OakLeaf]

My mother used to address mail to my grandmother as "Mrs. Grandfather's Firstname Lastname." My grandfather passed away before I was even born. It was creepy.

[Grog]

Coming from a place where women don't change their last name when they marry, and not having changed my name upon marriage myself, I have encountered a range of situations from awkward to funny in the past year and a half since we've been married. Most people have been respectful of my will to be called by my last name, but not everyone knows how to handle that.

The funniest one I've seen is an invitation to
Mr. MyHusbandFirstName HisLastName & Mrs. MyFirstName MyLastName

as if I was married to someone else. (I believe the proper way would be Ms. SoAndSo).

I also regularly receive mail for Mrs. MyLastName, a common consequence of writing my name as Madame in French, which gets translated into Mrs. automatically by most databases. Before we were married, my now mother-in-law stumbled upon a plane ticket under Mrs. MyLastName. She wondered for a while if I had been married before to Mr. MyLastName...

[channlluv]

I use both names, depending on the situation I'm in, mainly because DH of 13 1/2 years and I have a daughter who has his last name and it's easier on her at school if Mom is Mrs. Herlastname, too. However, in professional circles, I use my maiden name because I have a publishing record and a Masters in that name, and a professional reputation as a public speaker/teacher/workshop leader to maintain, and people would trip all over DH's five-syllable Hawaiian last name. Even my close personal friends don't attempt it.

His mom often calls me by the name she and I share, though, Mrs. Hislastname (which is also his father's last name, and so is her last name, too), usually grinning like it's some kind of private joke. She's funny that way.

As long as we're living in a patriarchal society, we're just going to have to put up with it, I think.

Roxy

[maillotpois]

Was it your birthday card? Whatever it is - lame under today's standards. Oh Emily (Post) what have you done to us...?

[NbyNW]

Every now and then, one of my bosses thinks it's cute to address me as "Miss" Mylastname. I haven't been a "Miss" for a long time! I think of it as similar to the use of "gals" or girls" on another thread. To me it implies that one is less than a full-fledged adult with equal rights.

I keep telling him that if he isn't going to use my first name, then he should use "Ms." or "Mrs." Which he'll try to do, and then he'll go back to using my first name, and then weeks later it'll start all over again.

Best part? He's about the same age as I am.

[sundial]

My late fun grandmother always addressed me as Mrs Hubby's name and even now when I receive letters addressed this way, I get a warm feeling.

[Aggie_Ama]

I don't know why but this doesn't bother me at all. I like to think I am fiercely independent but not about certain things. Maybe it is because the strongest woman I know (my Mammaw, that Pansy in my signature) still signs everything Mrs. Pawpaw's Name Surname. This is my mother's father who passed February 18, 1982!

Oddly I was very torn about changing my name and the only inner compromise was to have my middle name be replaced with my mess of german maiden name and have it placed on everything. I still have to spell it and pronounce it, makes me feel more complete. And besides I wasn't fond of my given middle name.

[Tuckervill]

I sometimes wish I had kept the name I was given at birth (the term 'maiden name' is antiquated, too, don't you think?). I did give it to my youngest son as his first name, but we don't use it. When you have children it is so complicated, maybe especially in the South, to have kids with a different name than yours. I cringed whenever I was called by my older kids' last name after the divorce, but I really can't hold it against the teachers or whomever it was. They can't really know until they're told.

Truthfully, I prefer to be called by my first name at all times, even when people I first met online and now see in person persist in calling me "Tuck" from the old AOL days. I will even ask children to please call me Karen, especially if their parents instruct them to call me Miss Karen or Mrs. Tucker, if the child will allow me to call them by their first name. I prefer to be on equal footing with all people, on a personal basis.

I never get mail addressed to Mrs. Charles Tucker. Thank goodness!

Karen