why do I have anxiety when it come's to money?

[blueskies]

I just heard Martha Beck, the Oprah columnist & life coach, talking about her new book Steering by Starlight. She was saying that the reptilian brain (the older part of the brain) is primed to scan for "lack or attack."

Lack = Not Enough = Money Fears

She said that in humans with our highly developed cortex, this fear driven part of our brain can be constantly talking to the cortex, where it starts telling itself scary stories over and over and over. I'm not saying this very well, but she did... and she had suggestions, from the world's mystical traditions & brain science on how to deal with it.

Let me look for a link somewhere...

Oh, here:

http://www.buffalonews.com/185/story/326868.html

[redrhodie]

I'm right there with you. DH and I are fine. We could live on one salary or the other. I did have lots of student loans (Duke + law school), but I've paid off almost all of those. I have a small loan payment, a small car payment and a house payment. That's it. No credit cards, etc. And we're a long ways towards saving for retirement.

But....I'm decidedly unhappy with my job. It's giving me headaches, high blood pressure and my Dr. has repeatedly told me to quit. I have little to no time for me. DH supports my leaving. And somehow, I'm having trouble giving it up because "we might need the $$". Or worse, my parents (divorced, 1 remarried) might need the $$. (neither can manage $$, both buy whatever they want and expect someone else to pay for it - I can't support them in good conscience - and haven't, but still feel like I should be able to just in case...) I don't even have a good relationship with them. *sigh* I was a whole lot happier when I had no money, and didn't feel like I had to be responsible for everyone's problems *sigh*

I can relate to this! I was stuck in a job I hated that I was afraid to leave because it paid well. I read "The Art of Happiness" (an interview with the Dalai Lama) and left within months of reading it, the day after my 12th work anniversay to be exact. It was the best decision I could have made. I'm so much happier now, living in a different city without the stress I used to have. Oh, and I earn about half what I used to make, and have a lifestyle like the rich and famous (only slightly kidding). It's better than say Gary Coleman's, but not as lavish as Marie Osmond's .

My father, who never won dad of the year, recently asked me for a $6,000 loan to pay off his credit card debt. He and my stepmother always make fun of me for buying used stuff, driving 10+ year old cars, living in tiny places. They are gluttonous in their consumption of crap (they have 4 computers and 4 tvs in a 2 bedroom condo that's loaded to the rafters with STUFF). Even knowing that this loan would unlikely be repaid (dad is 80, which is less of a factor than his status as a bit of a deadbeat who occassionally works a grift) still made it hard to say no. Instead, I told them to send me all their financial records, and I would look at them before making an decison, but probably it would be a no. That stopped the process. They didn't expect me to make decison based on anything like their ability to pay me back.

You don't need to pay for your parent's mistakes.

And Brandi, stop worrying and enjoy yourself. You've done good.

[bluebug32]

I just heard Martha Beck, the Oprah columnist & life coach, talking about her new book Steering by Starlight. She was saying that the reptilian brain (the older part of the brain) is primed to scan for "lack or attack."

Lack = Not Enough = Money Fears

She said that in humans with our highly developed cortex, this fear driven part of our brain can be constantly talking to the cortex, where it starts telling itself scary stories over and over and over. I'm not saying this very well, but she did... and she had suggestions, from the world's mystical traditions & brain science on how to deal with it.

Let me look for a link somewhere...

Oh, here:

http://www.buffalonews.com/185/story/326868.html

She's another great columnist. I remember hearing a guest on Jean C's show talk about this and how men and women interpret this lack or attack different. For men, it's more invigorating than scary. The parts of our brains that process fear and risk are very different.

[shootingstar]

I have a small loan payment, a small car payment and a house payment. That's it. No credit cards, etc. And we're a long ways towards saving for retirement.

But....I'm decidedly unhappy with my job. It's giving me headaches, high blood pressure and my Dr. has repeatedly told me to quit. I have little to no time for me. DH supports my leaving. And somehow, I'm having trouble giving it up because "we might need the $$". Or worse, my parents (divorced, 1 remarried) might need the $$. (neither can manage $$, both buy whatever they want and expect someone else to pay for it - I can't support them in good conscience - and haven't, but still feel like I should be able to just in case...) I don't even have a good relationship with them. *sigh* I was a whole lot happier when I had no money, and didn't feel like I had to be responsible for everyone's problems *sigh*

If your DH is clearly concerned about your job affecting your health, then you seriously need to rethink your career and where you want to go in future.

I'm like you...I like earning money as a form of insurance for the future which might have some surprises.

Need to separate your love for each of your parents and their money-spending habits. Love them , but only give money ..or better gift if used wisely. But well, by now, they won't change..

My parents are thrifty and responsible with $$...not credit card users. Probably greatest concern amongst siblings for them is to educate them on certain investment tools and taxes so that they won't get shafted. But no accountants in family....just savers......all of us.

So yea, I have lived simply when I was unemployed..but it's hard to watch daily, how one spends every dollar. There is a stress of constantly restricting oneself from even buying a food treaties or little things for self.

So to alleviate the stress...I went cycling every day.... there is nothing like free exploratory things to amuse oneself for hours....we should thank ourselves on this forum...we already are in love with some free exercise & entertainment (that is, after buying bike and right clothing).

[tulip]

CA in NC, last year I quit my corporate job. The year before, I left my marriage.

I have never been happier. Both those things were terrifying, but once I knew what I needed to do, it was clear and bright and amazingly uncluttered. I also dropped 20 lbs and my skin cleared up and my sciatica went away (with the help of pilates and stretching--which I have time to do now).

I've gotten really into birding and identifying birds by their songs. My partner recently asked me about this, if I had always been into birding. In talking with him about it, I realized that I had been interested in birds since I was a child, but for the first time, I am taking the time and the space to watch and listen.

I am making less money, but I'm also living in a lower-priced city (there's only 100 miles between DC and Richmond, but the cost of living something like 60% lower). I work from home doing something I find very rewarding. I have time to ride my bike, kayak, and read a book. It's amazing. It shouldn't be amazing, it should be like this.

(EDIT: I do support my mother-I own and pay for her house. She pays me rent, but it's not as much as the mortgage. I know how stressful taking care of a parent can be)

[firenze11]

I have anxiety when it comes to money, too. I'm not really sure where it comes from because my family was always really good with money. Maybe it's just because I'm still young and broke I'm only 24 and still in school but I have a lot of friends who got jobs right after their BAs so it's kind of hard for me to see them making a real living already. I also have some friends who spend A LOT and I always wonder how they're making it - using credit cards for everything, going on expensive trips a lot, eating out at trendy, expensive places a few of times a week. I almost didn't go to one friend's birthday because the "party" was at a really expensive restaurant and it made me sick to have to pay $130 for a dinner.

I make sure I always pay off my credit card and watch my spending. I'm learning about how to save for the future when I start my career. I guess it's better than being frivolous with money and ending up in trouble down the line, right?

BTW, I'm already seeing how very stressful but high paying jobs are affecting my friends. Sleeping at the office is, hopefully, not in my future. I'm all for ambition and dedication but I want to enjoy my career and have time to live my life and ride my bike, too.

[shootingstar]

I'm only 24 and still in school but I have a lot of friends who got jobs right after their BAs so it's kind of hard for me to see them making a real living already. I also have some friends who spend A LOT and I always wonder how they're making it - using credit cards for everything, going on expensive trips a lot, eating out at trendy, expensive places a few of times a week. I almost didn't go to one friend's birthday because the "party" was at a really expensive restaurant and it made me sick to have to pay $130 for a dinner.

I make sure I always pay off my credit card and watch my spending. I'm learning about how to save for the future when I start my career. I guess it's better than being frivolous with money and ending up in trouble down the line, right?

BTW, I'm already seeing how very stressful but high paying jobs are affecting my friends. Sleeping at the office is, hopefully, not in my future. I'm all for ambition and dedication but I want to enjoy my career and have time to live my life and ride my bike, too.

Hopefully that expensive dinner won't occur again for quite awhile. It's unfair (unless you were warned in advance of the dinner party) to place people in that position to fork over that amount of money, unless the friend was very close/special to you. 'Course the other option might have been to show up for dinner party halfway and pay for dessert or whatever. Just a discreet way of doing things differently.

It does highlight one's own financial status to do such things, but I'm certain there is someone else in the same crowd who wants to save money too but hasn't figured out how to do it in a way without offending friends or thinking you are a party-pooper.

Stick to your long-term financial values and goals..you will thank yourself years from now.

[GLC1968]

I'm right there with you. DH and I are fine. We could live on one salary or the other. I did have lots of student loans (Duke + law school), but I've paid off almost all of those. I have a small loan payment, a small car payment and a house payment. That's it. No credit cards, etc. And we're a long ways towards saving for retirement.

But....I'm decidedly unhappy with my job. It's giving me headaches, high blood pressure and my Dr. has repeatedly told me to quit. I have little to no time for me. DH supports my leaving. And somehow, I'm having trouble giving it up because "we might need the $$". Or worse, my parents (divorced, 1 remarried) might need the $$. (neither can manage $$, both buy whatever they want and expect someone else to pay for it - I can't support them in good conscience - and haven't, but still feel like I should be able to just in case...) I don't even have a good relationship with them. *sigh* I was a whole lot happier when I had no money, and didn't feel like I had to be responsible for everyone's problems *sigh*

Quit your job and move both your butts out here. You'll love it. I swear!!

[bluebug32]

I have anxiety when it comes to money, too. I'm not really sure where it comes from because my family was always really good with money. Maybe it's just because I'm still young and broke I'm only 24

Being in your twenties is definitely hard. I'm 25 and starting to go through the stage of my friends getting married and my older friends buying houses and having kids. These things feel so far out of reach sometimes and I worry about how I'll have the money to pay for them when they do come along. I've learned that you just have to keep plugging along and taking opportunities and pushing your limits, no matter how scary things sound. I started out in a very low-paying semi-fulfilling job. I quit 1.5 years ago and now love my job and feel like I'm paid a fair salary. The savings is coming along slowly now, but at least I have it and can move in the direction I want to be.