Etiquette Help

[SadieKate]

Jobob, I know, I know. That's why I'm trying to figure out a gentle but clear way to get the message across before I say it in anger.

Don't worry about the book. I bought it Friday when I needed some escapism reading.

Smilingcat, I know what you mean. I've got the museum quality stuff (all inherited) behind glass doors but I'm sure he'll want to look some day -- and looking involves touching for him. So I've got to get him headed off at the pass very , very soon.

[sgtiger]

Or if that fails, maybe you could put some tantalizing (but not valuable) object in reach that is booby-trapped somehow, like maybe it imparts a (mild) electric shock?

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!


In all seriousness, just call him out on it.

Steps:
1) Ask him politely and in a friendly manner to not handle the artwork. Most of the time this is enough. Most people get self-conscious and stop after having something like that pointed out to them. exp: "Please do not touch the artwork." Better yet make it an "I" statement: "I'd really appreciate it if you wouldn't touch those things." Add a gentle head shake or something - whatever comes naturally to you.

2) Ask a bit more firmly but turn it around on yourself and act embarassed that you're pointing it out. "I'm really sorry, but I have this thing about people touching the artwork." "I know this is a bit OCD/anal(wording depends on company, relationship w/person, how comfortable you are with the language, etc.) of me, but if you could please not touch that. Maybe add something like: "It really irks me for some reason." or "It irks me because...." Then explain why the oils and acids from his fingers might not be the best for it or that the object is too delicate to be handled. Whatever is appropriate.

3) Show your irritation. He oviously doesn't get it and needs to know that this is a no-no. Tell him off: "I can't believe you really don't friggin' get it - DO NOT TOUCH! "Lay off already!" Of course, don't be surprised if he never comes back with this step, but maybe the stress of keeping track of his whereabouts is not worth having him as a friend.

So much depends on your friendship with the guy and if you'd like that relationship to continue.

For example, if this were my BFF, I could just start with step 3 and she'd understand and file it under "Oh Sg really hates that, it makes her b*tchy. I won't do that around her" and we would go on with our friendship but she'd call me out for acting like a @$&. Although, out of respect/love I usually ask her nicely if she's doing something that irritates me.

[Tuckervill]

Ooh, I like the electric shock approach.

Yes, I like to touch wood also, but a fragile Chimayo Tree of Life with individually carved leaves and animals? Obviously delicate, soft, light colored without finish? No way would I touch something like that in someone else's house.

We have no children and very few children ever visit. Our house is filled with artwork. I'd never be able to stop moving if I had to keep my body between him and the art.

Yeah, I wouldn't touch the tree of life like that, either. This guy really doesn't have much sense, does he?

Maybe if you'd only have to run the blockade once for him to get the message.

Usually I prefer the direct approach, though...."These are fragile, please don't touch. Thanks!"

Karen

[Grog]

I'm also of the direct school, or, rather: just plain blunt.

The first time he would have picked up something and it bothered me, I would have said: "Would you mind not touching the art work?" (or, in case it's unclear whether he'll understand what "art work" encompasses: "Would you mind not touching what's on the shelves?"

Or: "Hey, a tall guy like you, surely you can stick your head close enough to the sculpture without having to pick it up, do you?"

If I saw some level of offense I might add, as suggested above: "It's not about you, but I'm a bit obsessive about this... I had a [friend, brother-in-law, friend's husband...] break a super rare [insert fancy name of some art work here] and it could not be repaired, so now I'm really obsessive about them." Add, for fun: "My shrink is dealing with this issue with me but in the meantime please don't touch or I'll send you the bill of my analyst!..."

[Geonz]

People who haven't figured out social rules like that generally don't get offended easily, either. They don't perceive the way you cringe and wince when they're handling... they don't know why they aren't better liked.

HOnestly, you could be doing the fellow a *huge* favor to tell him - he may then think twice at somebody else's house.

[SadieKate]

I think I was so shocked that he was picking stuff up that I didn't say anything and now I'm just in a quandary.

Or: "Hey, a tall guy like you, surely you can stick your head close enough to the sculpture without having to pick it up, do you?"

I like this! The guy isn't stupid, and he does get humor and puns so I know he's quick with words. I'd like to say something pointed but humorous the first time just to give him the opportunity to say "whoops, sorry" and not have a huge black cloud hanging over the relationship.

Bubba didn't see that the friend was rolling the carved owl on the floor the other day. When I told him about it last night, he was a bit incensed. So Bubba may take the more direct approach and I'll add the iron fist in a velvet glove approach.

[Trek420]

Could the wonder poodle be trained as an art guard-dog?

[Starfish]

I'm with SGTiger and some of the other posters here with the kind, direct, firm approach.

It's matter of fact. It is not mean, *****y, etc, to simply ask for what you want in your own home. Don't anticipate his reaction and try to prepare for all the possible outcomes. Just be relaxed, brief, and direct. That usually helps me take my own drama out of it so that I can more easily be friendly and direct regardless of the response that ensues (if any does...half the time I have borrowed trouble without need, by anticipating).

ETA: Oops, LOL, I forgot to edit myself, and got edited. I guess you can tell the *****y above was meant to be b****y. :-)

[SadieKate]

Could the wonder poodle be trained as an art guard-dog?

As of Friday, the Wonder Poodle is chasing dream bunnies to his heart's content.

[Zen]

[shootingstar]

Remind him that this is VISUAL art, not TACTILE art.

He's probably ADD and just can't keep still. I bet he doesn't even realize he's doing it, but if you ask him to stop, I bet he'll make an effort.

I like the visual vs. tactile art..it is valid..up to a certain point. Some wood and soapstone pieces are lovely just to stroke lightly and briefly.

Never had a visitor like your friend. He seems like a person who would be interested in stories of the artist/background to the piece of artwork. We have some fragile pieces ...some unusual...which do require being up close to the object. There have been some situations we just couldn't have a 2-yr. old visitor running around at our place, unless we spent 1-2 hrs. putting away objects. But it hasn't been like this all the time... only in last few years.

[Trek420]

He seems like a person who would be interested in stories of the artist/background to the piece of artwork.

Just had an idea. Could you hand him a book? "yes, yes it is a nice wooden fragile hand made owl, isn't it. And HERE, here's a book about the artist. Sit, read."

Another etiquette question; how do you respond when asked if you have an "extra" bike to loan .... to someone you don't know .... or know how well they ride .... for several months ... and you know it won't be secured in the home

Is the answer;
A: "no" or...
B: "he]] no. But thank you for thinking of me and here are some affordable shops thank you very much".

[KnottedYet]

Plan B.

Absolutely. (but softer on the "he]] no")

To the OT: I have a friend whose child has a form of autism. Lay out the rules clearly and simply. Sometimes the subtle social cues are simply indeciferable and direct instructions work best.

[Trek420]

That's what I thought. Thanks for the reality check

[jobob]

Good one Zen!!

ICHCheezburger rulz.