Could use some encouragement and advice

[NoNo]

Ohhh.... good points, latelate.
You can still love 'em, but they'll not be able to see things through the same lenses so what you say is filtered through them.
This is one of those threads I'll visit when I need perspective ;D

Ditto and ditto. And I still love them, and they've definitely come through for me plenty of other times. But sometimes they can be really hurtfull, and that's what I'm trying to learn to understand/ignore. I, too, will keep this thread in mind the next time I need some cheering up (mark it now, the 13th, when I have everyone over for dad's b-day). It's also encouraging to know that despite growing up with the same circumstances, some of you have broken the cycle, and that I'm not necessarily doomed to repeat their mistakes.

And to answer your question, Brandi, I'm 26 and also the shortest in the family

[tulip]

First off, congratulations on everything--your fitness and your discovery of you. If only I'd been so wise at 26!

From my own experience, I would encourage you, like others have, to seek some counseling. Just ignoring it will not make it any easier, and may result in buried feelings that have to come out somehow somewhere sometime. There is absolutely no need to tell your family about counseling. It's not a shameful thing at all, but a private thing. I mean, you don't tell them about your periods, do you? Think of it like that if it helps. Just something you do on a regular basis, a natural thing, you know?

A couple of years ago (not quite) at age 38, I came to the terrifying and radical and obvious conclusion that I was not happy. Not in my marriage of 13 years, not in my work at a prestigious firm, not where I lived, not with my family (different issues from yours)...I was just plain shocked at the realization. When I told my stepmother (who is a therapist), she said, yeah, i could have told you that!. But it's like Dorothy...you have to discover it for yourself.

Anyways, as a result of my discovery (which was obvious to everyone but me), I started to lose weight, not on purpose, but it just came off, like a weight had been lifted from me, literally. I lost 20 lbs in a few months, and I looked and felt terrific (I've since put on about 5 lbs back, but I'm cool with that). I was cycling alot--I can really think when I'm out there on the bike.

So everyone was saying how great I looked, except for my soon-to-be-ex-husband. His words were revealing: "I feel like you are slipping through my fingers." And, "There's nothing to hold on to anymore." Well, yeah... He even suggested that I get my thyroid tested, or that I was perhaps anorexic. Any reason but the real reason. He was threatened because my weight loss symbolized my breaking away. He always said he liked portly women, and I believe him (tall and thin as he is). In his case, it was safe to love portly women (all his exes were) because they are, literally and figuratively, easier to hold on to.

I started going to therapy to help with all these issues and it's been so great. I had thought about it for a while but had not worked up the nerve. Things go so bad, I called up my stepmother and said, "Whom do I call, what do I say, how does this work, am I crazy??" Dealing with all this has helped in my work (I now work from home doing something I love--way less stress and more fun), I moved to another city, and I've fallen in love again. Wow.

That's just my story, but I hope it helps. It takes courage to seek out help. Friends are great, but theres only so much they can do. Best of all, you get the permission to focus on you. It's okay to be happy and healthy and confident and successful. Sounds obvious, but it's not.

[sundial]

I just want to say I think you are an encouragement to us for having met your fitness and health goals.

Someone wise once said you cannot control what others say, but you can control your response.

One of the perks of maturing is the older you get, the less you care what others think.

[makbike]

NoNo,

I think making the phone call to schedule your first appointment with your counselor is the hardest part of it all, at least it was for me. Once you are there and in the privacy of their office you will be amazed at how you feel. It really is an uplifting experience and life altering when you find the right counselor for you and your needs.