Goodbye, my Kallie Kat

[Pedal Wench]

So sorry for both of you. As I recently posted, I just lost my dear pup, but there was another dog that I lost 2 years ago, and my sweet kitty-cat a few years before that. All had lived long, happy lives. I still step over the place where the dog should be lying.

[teigyr]

I am very sorry for your loss. It's always so difficult and as much as you don't want to lose them, you have to do what is best. They trust you for that...and you didn't let her down.

I know it's so painful - but you did the right thing and you tried as long as you thought it could make a difference.

Jane

[han-grrl]

You ladies are a wealth of wisdom and advice. I was wondering if this all gets easier. I just find myself crying every few hours. I'll be fine, maybe focused on a task, but then I'll stop, thinking of Billie and start to cry again.

I visited with a friend yesterday, and her husband gave me their 3 month baby to hold, and it took everything in me not to just burst into tears.

Right now it feels like I will always feel this way.

Does it get easier??

H

[Lise]

Oh, yes, this pain will ease. There will still be moments when you're brought to sudden tears, but it will ease, and you'll be filled with grateful, loving memories of your baby. My boyfriend gave me a shirt of his to roll up and sleep with in my arms, as Isaac used to sleep with me that way. Hold on, ride this wave of grief, and it will pass. love, Lise

[Starfish]

It does get easier.

It is also my personal experience that whenever I am going through a time of grief, if I have areas of other types of grief or pain in my life that I have not dealt with or acknowledged, that the "current" grief will be deeper and last longer.

Just my own experience over the past few years and a number of losses.

Give yourself a lot of grace, and get whatever support you need. I have found support for my grieving processes in groups, with a counselor, and with friends. It gets better. Give yourself plenty of time.

[LBTC]

Yes, Han, it does get better

Don't be hard on yourself, don't try to be macho. Cry when the tears come. Honour your feelings, and thereby honour Billie's memory. Over time, you feel the same, but the tears will melt away and you'll feel that heart-expanding love and gratitude for having had Billie in your life, and having her spirit around you always.

Hugs and peaceful, grateful butterflies,
~T~

[sbctwin]

I just find myself crying every few hours. I'll be fine, maybe focused on a task, but then I'll stop, thinking of Billie and start to cry again. H

I, too, Han-grrl, find I cry at a whim. I have been plagued all week with a head cold and my mind just wanders to Kallie. I know the pain will fade, but it is still raw. I told my DH last night, that I can't bring myself to remove Kallie's essence from the house and it will take time. I have not been without a pet since the early 80's and not having a fur-friend walking the house makes the home feel empty....

[Lise]

I, too, Han-grrl, find I cry at a whim. I have been plagued all week with a head cold and my mind just wanders to Kallie. I know the pain will fade, but it is still raw. I told my DH last night, that I can't bring myself to remove Kallie's essence from the house and it will take time. I have not been without a pet since the early 80's and not having a fur-friend walking the house makes the home feel empty....

Me, too. I put Isaac down in Feb, and Ariel 2 1/2 weeks ago. The hard part is coming home, and she's not at the door. Going to bed, and she's not there. Getting up and not greeting her. Leaving and not saying goodbye. I haven't lived without a beastie for 18 years. My BF's dog and cat are wonderful, and I get lots of loving from them at his house. But here at my place...it feels lonely.

[han-grrl]

My friend has told me that i should start removing Billie's things, that it is old energy, and for me to heal, i need to let new energy in. I find it hard. i have started to. I took away her dish and her special eating mat - it says "the princess eats here", but i haven't had the heart to take away her pillow from her special chair. I packed up the litter box, giggling that i am sobbing at the sight of her last little pee.

I have decided to give her scratch post to a good friend who has a cat. I rather give her things away than bury or throw things out. I just don't simply want to "erase" Billie from my house.

Her ashes are coming home today. In a way its a little comforting, as if she is coming home. I hope that doesn't seem to wierd.

My friend told me to make a special photo album for Billie, putting all her pictures together. So i started putting that together.

What's special to me too, is that my husband, who used to complain about the cat, because of his allergies, as also been crying with me. He says he misses that little pain in the ***. I guess despite his complaining, he too loved her, and benefited from the energy and spirit of this little angel.

[teigyr]

You know, my only salvation was that I had other cats. As sad as I was when I lost one (lost two last year), I could go home and curl up with the others and promise them that they would be valued no matter what because you just don't know.

It gets easier but it is never perfect. If I think about it too much, I will cry and this is after a year. I still periodic dreams about one or the other and there are times I think I see one of them.

I wouldn't get rid of everything. There are things that are too painful to see now that you might appreciate later. I have some things that I would never have the heart to get rid of just because it reminds me of them. Being reminded isn't a bad thing though it's painful especially at first.

Jane

[deidre]

Han-grrl, I am so sorry for your loss. The pain does ease with time.

There will be a day where you don't cry as much. I had to put my Rottie to sleep over 5 years ago and I still get a little choked up and cry sometimes, especially when I read your post or when I talk to a friend who is dealing with the loss of their beloved dog or cat.

Part of loving our cats and dogs and other furry friends is doing what is best for them when we are faced with the decision. You did that. They trust us to do the right thing and you did. Take comfort in that.

[Python]

So very sorry to hear of your sad loss

(((((hugs)))))

[sbctwin]

I will not be getting rid of anything of Kallie's. She inherited a lot from Katrina. I have put away the litter box, I have removed her food dishes, but her perches are still around and her scratch post is still visible in the living room and her toys are gathered and placed in a ceramic platter that she use to go to and pull her catnip toys out of. I will not be releasing her presence in the house for awhile. There may come a time, but not in the near future. I hope Han, that you too will find peace with your decision as at some point I will too.

[han-grrl]

My husband brought home Billie's ashes today in a beautiful white urn. Now she is a beautiful angel cat looking out for husband and me.

[deidre]

sbctwin, I am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs to you!