Post Mother's Day blues

[bacarver]

Once again, I'm glad yesterday is over. I know I'm not the only one. I am thankful for the good 25 mile ride on my Trek 1500 yesterday and for my one-to-one time with the dogs and cats at the local animal shelter, but I can't help but feel down in the dumps because my situation doesn't allow me to celebrate Mother's Day the way it is "intended". My mother stepped out of my life when I married 18 years ago. My two adopted children never accepted me and they have been gone for years. Two of my co-workers asked me on May 12th, "Why don't you want to have kids?" How do you respond to such a painfully intrusive question?! The grief is bad enough without being judged as a defective outsider because you don't have kids. Please be more sensitive when fishing for information to satisfy curiosity. So, once again this year, I have revisited the sadness and the pain of my situation and my choices. I resent the pressure created by the media and by those around me who remind me every year that I don't have what I'm supposed to have according to their standards.
I feel for those who suffer silently and privately on Mother's Day. Your situations are just as important. Your feelings are valid. The good you do matters to the universe 365 days a year.
Thank you for listening.
This forum gives me the opportunity today to share how I feel. I have to share with others in order to move forward. I am happy the majority of the time and I want to return to my pre-May 12th state.
Barb

[Pax]

I'm sorry you're feeling down, I love my mom and am thrilled that we have the relationship we do, that said I prefer to think of mothers day as a day to celebrate all women. Whether or not we choose to parent.

In a similar vein I feel sad and a little depressed whenever my co-workers (and of course society at large) make a huge fuss over engagements and weddings, my 17+ year relationship is completely unrecognized.

[mimitabby]

bacarver, i am sorry about your family.

I wished my niece (an unwed mother of a 5 year old) happy mother's day and she got very hostile. She said there didn't need to be a day for mothers, if you appreciate your mother you should show it every day not just once a year.
I was really taken aback by her hostility; i wondered what she will do when her little daughter comes home with a brightly colored handmade mother's day card it sounded like the tot will get damaged as well.
Sad.

All I can say is; while people are still alive, you have a chance to mend the broken relationships. Once they're dead, it's too late. Good luck.

[Jenn]

{{{HUGS}}}}, there is nothing that can be said to help your pain, I'm so sorry. Just know, this is a wonderful site, these women are AWESOME and you can talk and vent...we are here {{{{{{HUGS}}}}
Jenn

[northstar]

It's a really emotional day, isn't it? For me, it's the fact that I've been wanting to be a mother for quite some time but haven't been able to do so. So, DH and I have finally decided to embrace our infertility crud and live it up while we can. Not that it's easy to do so every day!

[silver]

Hi Barb!!!!!

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with these difficulties. You are such a kind and caring person! It was such a pleasure to meet you!!

I hope that you are getting lots of riding and dog and cat love to cheer you up!!! Is your wrist all recovered?

take care!!!!!

[divingbiker]

Once again, I'm glad yesterday is over. I know I'm not the only one. ...I feel for those who suffer silently and privately on Mother's Day.

Mother's Day sucks. My mom died when I was 15, in a not very pleasant way. I really hate all the newspaper articles and tv reports about fantastic mother-daughter relationships that lead up to Mother's Day. I'm happy for people who have those relationships, but hearing about them is like rubbing salt in a wound.

I, too, am glad it's over. Sorry you've got the blues, Barb, but we've got another year till it comes around again.

[Nokomis]

Barb - **Hugs** thanks for posting this. You aren't alone.

It's a really emotional day, isn't it? For me, it's the fact that I've been wanting to be a mother for quite some time but haven't been able to do so. So, DH and I have finally decided to embrace our infertility crud and live it up while we can. Not that it's easy to do so every day!

Ditto that... but still trying to leave behind the sadness & anger - we reached this decision a few months ago.

[bacarver]

I feel some of the weight lifting from my shoulders. Thank you for responding and caring.
Queen - I agree with the comment that all women should be appreciated and not just those with children.
Mimitabby - I made the first move and re-connected with my brother this past December after years of silence. It is going well. My mother still refuses to communicate with me. Your niece's hostility shows that she has a lot of angry internal dialogue going on that just spills over. I do believe that any positive interaction you have with her daughter will be the influence that makes a difference. Good for you to be a kind person in her life.
Northstar - Eighteen years ago at age 29, one of the conditions of marriage to my older husband was no birth kids. The adoption experience was a trip to hell. I gave up the ability to have my own and the decision haunts me as the years pass. How do you live with the "What if" question that is never answered? I do have more freedom, but I would have given my all to a child.
Silver - I'm approaching 300 miles. May not sound like much but working nights limits my riding time. I am ahead of last year's mileage which makes me happy. I love volunteering at the new animal shelter. I have become close to a cat that was terribly neglected. I named him "Song" and he is turning into a happy cat. He is good medicine for me. I've also spent time with a couple adorable golden pups that were very neglected/sick. They are learning to play and act like puppies should. My wrist is doing better. It has improved the most once I quit going for "therapy".
Divingbiker - I'm with you in spirit. I appreciate you wherever you are and for the good things you are doing today to make the world a better place.

Thank you, forum buddies. Thank you.
Barb

[indysteel]

Barb, big hug. I'm sorry that yesterday was hard on you. I've had a conflicted and painful relationship with my mom for a long, long time. It's gotten better over the last couple of years, but I still know better than to expect much from her. So, I know that side of what you're going through. It's always felt rather disengenous to celebrate her. Even just picking out a card is rough for me. Some of them express sentiments that I just can't sign off on. Since I'm single, almost 38 and childless, I'm familiar too with feeling left out in that regard. Thankfully, I'm pretty much at peace with the idea of not being a mom, but I sometimes feel like an alien creature around any type of family holiday.

No matter what, you deserve to be celebrated. We all do.

K-

[7rider]

Mother's Day
Father's Day
Valentine's Day
(more?)
Why are there these "invented" holidays - created merely to sell cards and make many of us feel left out and miserable?
Chin up, please. I know it's hard. Please don't use some day on a calendar to beat yourself up.
You're doing great and you belong. You belong here. You belong at the shelter helping those poor animals. And we're all better for it.
((hugs))
SMILE!

[Thistle]

(((( bacarver)))))

my husband and i do it tough on mother's day too. we're really glad it's over.

take care.

[mimitabby]

Mother's Day
Father's Day
Valentine's Day
(more?)
Why are there these "invented" holidays - created merely to sell cards and make many of us feel left out and miserable?
Chin up, please. I know it's hard. Please don't use some day on a calendar to beat yourself up.
You're doing great and you belong. You belong here. You belong at the shelter helping those poor animals. And we're all better for it.
((hugs))
SMILE!

Hey Regina, they're all made up holidays! Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's ...
and because we're expected to make merry and hang out with family... if your family is broken, it's really hard on you.

[7rider]

Agreed.

[IntenseRide]

I am so glad I got on today to read this thread! Yesterday was hell for me also, and my heart goes out to all of you. I couldn't call my mother yesterday because I just didn't want to hear her voice and that aweful way she makes me feel. I've felt that way for weeks before Mother's Day, wondering what to do. The last time I spoke with her she told me I was no longer her daughter. I've heard that too many times during my life, so I figured why bother anymore? I've done everything I was supposed to do, or what 'they' say a woman is supposed to do in life, and now I've realized that life is short and precious and the conventional just doesn't do it for me. Bitter people are just that, even if they happen to be your mother, and I've learned to stay away from poison people. I wonder if any of you look back on your lives and wonder how people get the way they are? Or did God put people like that on earth to serve as an example of what not to be? I know that my daughter will never suffer the way I did. And...she had a very nice mountainbike (I was not allowed to ride and I never had a bike until I was 39). Thanks for the great posts here, I was nodding my head a zillion times, right down to not being able to pick a card out because nothing fit! Peace everyone...