OT: Men mean well sometimes.

[KSH]

So, this morning... my male coworker notices that I have a birthday coming up and guesses my age.

His first guess? 2 years older than what I really am. I am 33 going on 34... he guessed 36. THEN he tried to guess lower after I was appauled, but the damage was done... so I refused to give my age.


THEN... I bring it up to my boyfriend... and comment how I need to be able to afford botox to fix all the damn wrinkles on my forehead.

What does he say? "Well, you are trying to workout and lose weight, that should help."

I let him know that losing weight will NOT help the wrinkles on my face... in fact... that will make them look WORSE! DUH!

Then he asks what can I do to fix the problem. I stated other than botox or a forhead lift... nothing. Then he finally shuts up.


Men mean well sometimes... but dang... they can be so dense.

[mimitabby]

I am 54.. I have a couple free things you could try to look younger.
Throw your shoulders back when you walk. Look in the mirror; stick your chest out a little and really make sure your shoulders are back. I have noticed a lot of bikers have bad posture.
Put a spring in your step.
The wrinkles i have (and believe me, girl, i have 'em) i feel like i earned them.
What counts to me is that I can ride a bike up a hill with the 20 year olds. Okay, i might not be as fast as they are, but I can then compare myself to most women my age, and I look YOUNG!

[Geonz]

Seriously, some mornings my 46 year old face looks pretty worn... big old allergy shadows, funky wrinkles... I just am not inclined to resort to makeup, much less invading my essentially functional body with anytyhing like botox!
... what works is to SMILE. The wrinkles arrange themselves differently, the shadows and bulges get shoved around, and ... well, I'm smiling. I've worked on it - there are lots of different kinds of smiles using lots of different kinds of muscles. I *think* the one that's almost my default face now isn't too muich like a Cheshire cat - when I"m in front of the mirror it's more a slight upward tug from the corners, trying to leave my teeth covered ('cause I can do a pretty good mule, too ).
Of course, it also helps that I have not bought into the idea that age is a bad thing.
YOu've got a good self - wear it PROUDLY!!!
I'm feeling a little sympathy for the man... Men like problems they can do something about and don't see the value in even bringing up things just to *talk* about 'em :-) Heavens, if a hammer won't fix it, forget it!

[tulip]

Men mean well sometimes... but dang... they can be so dense.

And sometimes we set them up to fail...miserably, and we are the ones who end up getting hurt. The best way to avoid that is to 1) not give a damn what they think, or 2) don't set them up to say things that we are sensitive about.

You have the power...now go have a nice bike ride, okay? You are strong and beautiful!

[Geonz]

This is true ... "Honey, does this make my butt look fat?"
(I like "does this bike make my butt look fast?" much better...)

[salsabike]

Exactly what geonz and tulip said. Do not discuss these things with guys. They don't speak this language well.

[bouncybouncy]

"does this bike make my butt look fast?"

YOU JUST MADE MY DAY!!!!

the in-laws are in town and my precious bubbled-butt-poochied-tummy husband has been "GIDDY"...yes you heard correctly...giddy!
men are interesting creatures who never seem to amaze me...you sound like you were able to hear beyond his words and know he only meant to say something to try and make you feel better but just did not know how to spit it out...sometimes i am accused as being too forgiving of what he says but for anyone to put up with my moods (and ladies they are not pretty) and mind you i am not shakespear with words either...

anyway...

[Lise]

This makes me think of a study when men were asked to guess the # of calories in a serving of food. They made insanely wrong wild guesses. They didn't have any idea what the numbers meant, because it wasn't important to them! So...KSH...try not to take it too personally. Ask him how many calories there are in an apple Although I doubt that particular guy will be offering you any numbers any time soon.

Happy (almost) birthdy, btw. L.

[Pascale]

One thing I learned from men (one in particular who always speaks his mind) is never tell a man a problem if you don't want him to try to solve it - cuz that's what they are programmed to do.

As women, we tend to verbalize issues, not necessarily looking for solutions - just to vent. Men totally do not get this concept....ok, most men (I'd hate to get in trouble for painting with a broad brush stroke).

Yeah, it really reduces the amount of conversation between me and hubby... LOL

[spokewench]

I've learned that if you wear a push up bra the guys won't even notice a wrinkle or two on your face!

[KSH]

Well, thanks for all the positive comments. I do appreciate it.

Trust me... I'm not THAT upset about it. I'm really an easy going gal who lets a man get away with a lot (not cheating, but you know what I mean)... I don't typically get irked at the small stuff.

And, I didn't ASK for my age to be guessed. I stopped that a long time ago. Either 1) they guess really low to compliment you... or 2) guess your age... either way, it's not good. So, I don't bring my age up.

I know they mean well. It's from a good spot... I know that. I just though it was funny how my boyfriend thought working out/losing weight (HA! like that is going to happen!) would fix my wrinkles somehow?

Of course, this is coming from a 28 year old man (yes, he's 5 years younger than me- but he acts like he's 40).

Oh well... men will be men. And if it's the worse thing I have to complain about... with my man... then it's not that bad.

[Nanci]

BF once told me "Well, you're no beauty queen." French ex BF told me my experiment with thong underwear made me look like a Sumo wrestler. Oh, he's also the one that told me I smell like tuna (after eating it) and couldn't understand why that was offensive. And then started calling me his Big Tuna. And when I didn't like being called a big anything, then started calling me his Little Feather, but in a sort of sarcastic way. I haven't had a complimentary BF in a long time...

Edited: it was beauty queen, not fashion model.

[mimitabby]

KSH,
I think your boyfriend meant you would look younger by firming up and stuff; he probably didn't think it would actually change your wrinkles.

and the guy who misjudged your age probably didn't even notice your wrinkles.. A lot of people (myself included) are pretty bad at guessing age.
So I do what a lot of folks do; i figure out how old someone is and then subtract 10 years so if they ask i will at least seem complementary; but i have NO IDEA!
even with little kids!

[Lise]

OK, I had a girlfriend who called me "Rodent Eyes". She seemed to think this was cute. And this was early in the relationship, not later on, when you snipe at each other! Rodent Eyes! I ask you!

[colby]

BF once told me "Well, you're no fashion model." French ex BF told me my experiment with thong underwear made me look like a Sumo wrestler. Oh, he's also the one that told me I smell like tuna (after eating it) and couldn't understand why that was offensive. And then started calling me his Big Tuna. And when I didn't like being called a big anything, then started calling me his Little Feather, but in a sort of sarcastic way. I haven't had a complimentary BF in a long time...

A friend of mine had a boyfriend who called her a literal "pet name"... walrus. Walrusy walrus. My cute little walrus. Hey walrus! I love you walrus. Not joking. She's not a small girl, but... walrus? What an odd choice.

We were seniors in high school, and he had graduated 1-2 years ahead of us. When we went to prom, he went with her, and she wore this pink chiffon kind of dress (she's a girly girl). At dinner, when the waitress came to take our order, he said "she'll have the all you can eat trough" (he had been referring to her dress as "like Miss Piggy's dress" all night).

She was with him for several years, must have been 4 or 5 total. Afterward, she went on a rant one night about him, and it ended with "I can't believe I let someone call me WALRUS!!!"

Back on topic (how can you go off topic in an off topic thread anyway?): I could hear myself having the same conversation with my husband. Sometimes just to keep them talking, instead of "uhh... no" I'll say something like "well that's possible, but I don't think so, wouldn't that just...?" to keep asking them questions so they think they are solving problems which is what their brains always want to do.