What would you think/do?

[lauraelmore1033]

I've been attending a barre class for over a year now. I haven't really gotten any smaller,but I'm much stronger than I was when I started, and have corrected many of the alignment issues that lead to back pain and referred pain in my hip. Generally, people are polite if not friendly, but there is a subtle cliquishness amongst some of the women who come regularly. I'm a bit of an introvert, so I don't really go out of my way to interact with these ladies.

This morning I arrived early and set up my props and water bottle at a space at the barre. I am a creature of habit, and tend to set up in the same few spots. I wandered around and returned in time to see one of the regulars who had just set herself up in the spot next to me. A few minutes later I heard her talking to her “group”, bemoaning the fact that she had set up next to me when she had gone out of her way to count spaces to avoid such a possibility! They were all yucking it up about this, so I'm assuming the ickiness of working out next to me has been a subject of conversation amongst them before. I very pointedly walked over and moved a space over; it's not such a treat working out next to that lady, so it was no skin off my nose if she's a fat biggot, or thinks I sweat too much (and, boy do I ever...). In theory, it was no skin off my nose; I started fuming as the class began and had worked up to a simmering rage by the time it was over. I was torn between conflicting desires to either march up to the front desk and cancel my membership, or, to appear tomorrow, unwashed and having breakfasted on onion slices and doritos, wearing my New Moon Farm “manure management” tee shirt and occupy as much of the center of the space those ladies like to set up in.
What would you do?

[OakLeaf]

Ugh, that's awful. So sorry that happened to you.

I would definitely say something to the teacher (whether or not s/he is part of the clique) and probably to studio management if the teacher isn't the owner. IME, sometimes it's just one teacher's classes that are super cliquish, while others at the same gym/studio are more welcoming - are there other teachers whose classes might fit into your schedule? Is there another studio convenient to you?

[roo4]

That's terrible! What would I think? I would be angry and embarrassed. What would I do? Well, I hope I would have the courage and confidence to ignore them and get a great workout. If there are evaluations at the end of class, I would comment on the lack of welcoming atmosphere. But knowing me, it is equally likely that I would be discouraged and drop out of the class. If that is your choice, please let the management know why. And then find a better workout.

[rebeccaC]

+1 with roo4

or thinks I sweat too much (and, boy do I ever...).

If I sweated a lot I’d be especially conscience of it in close exercise contact with others and try to minimize/eliminate it's effect on those next to me.

Now...If I heard someone talking to others about it in a clique-y demeaning way I’d ask them about it the first time we had a minute to talk. I like conversations about finding positive ways through a difficulty .…and sometimes there are people you just have to ignore after a few well meaning but failed attempts. If it couldn't be resolved quickly i'd talk to the instructor/owner about how that kind of behavior affects you, new comers and hence business. If they don't see the value in dealing with it then that should make it real easy to leave....

Now bullying is a good opportunity to talk to young girls about how building self-confidence helps in confronting negative pressures in life…......................and how martial arts can help assist both of those .

[lauraelmore1033]

I think you should walk up to the group next time you see them and tell them that they should all be ashamed of themselves for their uncouth behavior. Not, "may I speak with you?" Or any other little things to reduce the impact. Just tell them they were out of line.

(And yes. Use the word 'uncouth.' ).

Also, the suggestions from others were my first thought. But I think you should confront the bullies. It will make them squirm. People like that don't know how to function with honesty.

I'm actually wondering what you meant about here being a bigot. Just curious.

When you say 'barre' class. Do you mean the ballet barre portion of a ballet class only? Or some type of fusion class. (Hence the props, not used in ballet). I understand the anger that built through the class. I've been in situations that made me angry, and that is what always happens.

I use the word bigot because prejudice is prejudice, whether it's towards someone who is fat (and I experience this in many, more extreme ways) or towards someone of a different race,culture,or creed.
The class is a fusion of barre,Pilates and yoga.
I would hesitate to call this bullying because I don't think I was intended to hear the comments. It's just embarrassing that I have apparently been the subject of discussion by this group which has decided to actively avoid me.

[OakLeaf]

As someone who sweats a lot I just had to address this:

If I sweated a lot I’d be especially conscience of it in close exercise contact with others.

It seems to me that in a class setting, we are there to sweat. Now we all have encountered people who freak out at the first droplet, but IMO, in a workout class, they're the ones with the problem, not me. Sweating is partly genetics but mostly a sign of a high level of fitness! Outside of the gym/race/ride it might be another thing - there have definitely been times I felt like I could go into Home Depot but NOT food shopping on my way back from a run - but in the gym or studio, as long as I'm wearing something absorbent enough that I'm not giving everyone else a shower, and as long as I wipe off the floor and/or equipment when I'm done, sweating is why we are all there.

Harrumph.

[salsabike]

+1 with roo4



If I sweated a lot I’d be especially conscience of it in close exercise contact with others and try to minimize/eliminate it's effect on those next to me.

Funny, I used to walk out of every ballet class absolutely soaked in sweat, wet hair, red face, and hand towel that lived on the barre--and that was true of many dancers in class. I never worried about it, ever. That's why we're there, to work our butts off.

Maybe part of that sweat worry is gym culture, where people are expected to dry their sweat off equipment before moving on, etc. It sure doesn't have any place in a barre class, which is hard work and where people have their own spaces to sweat in.

I personally really am not bothered by other people's sweat.

[zoom-zoom]

The stupid thing is that heavy sweating is a sign of exceptional fitness. Fitter people start sweating earlier and harder than non-fit people, because our bodies are better prepared to prevent overheating, acclimated to effort.

The "women" at this class remind me of the vibe I get from some of the women in my 'hood. Women who are slim from calorie restriction, alone (ie "skinny fat"). They are not fit. They all live in yoga pants and Uggs...like a uniform. A friend of mine has been trying to talk me into joining her at a local boot camp gym, but I have 0 interest in being a gym rat or dealing with potential cliquey nonsense. One thing I love about the Tues. and Thurs. PM rides I do most of the Summer is that frequently I'm the only female in the paceline. Guys don't pull this BS. And then we share beers and crass jokes after our rides without uppity pretense.

[rebeccaC]

Funny, I used to walk out of every ballet class absolutely soaked in sweat, wet hair, red face, and hand towel that lived on the barre--and that was true of many dancers in class. I never worried about it, ever. That's why we're there, to work our butts off.

Maybe part of that sweat worry is gym culture, where people are expected to dry their sweat off equipment before moving on, etc. It sure doesn't have any place in a barre class, which is hard work and where people have their own spaces to sweat in.

I personally really am not bothered by other people's sweat.

She emphasized that she sweats a LOT and that it might be one of the woman’s objection…..just trying to add something that I would do (as asked for in her title) to reduce the effect of that on others if indeed it even was a problem. I’ve been to a pure barre class with a friend and because of the size of the room we were much closer to each other than other types of exercise classes i've done…..and yes I also think it’s probably more of a gym type of thinking but I can also see how someone might object in close contact... and i have no problem with sweat....mine or others It was in the high 70's low 80's for a fast ride i did this afternoon with a couple of dusty areas kicked up by the wind thrown in.....when we got back to the hotel we were wet from the sweat, dirty from the dust and we still had the smiles of a good ride


and i'm sticking with trying to find a calm and positive solution to problems like Lauraelmore wrote about

[lauraelmore1033]

Ugh, that's awful. So sorry that happened to you.

I would definitely say something to the teacher (whether or not s/he is part of the clique) and probably to studio management if the teacher isn't the owner. IME, sometimes it's just one teacher's classes that are super cliquish, while others at the same gym/studio are more welcoming - are there other teachers whose classes might fit into your schedule? Is there another studio convenient to you?

The teacher is actually the studio owner. I did have a conversation with her when the studio first opened. The classes were all free for the first week, and I called to cancel because I was feeling self conscious about my body. She reassured me that all body types were welcome. (I purchased the unlimited membership right there and then!) I don't think there's anything she can do about the "middle school" attitudes of some of the people. Just not model that behavior--and she doesn't.

[Blueberry]

The teacher is actually the studio owner. I did have a conversation with her when the studio first opened. The classes were all free for the first week, and I called to cancel because I was feeling self conscious about my body. She reassured me that all body types were welcome. (I purchased the unlimited membership right there and then!) I don't think there's anything she can do about the "middle school" attitudes of some of the people. Just not model that behavior--and she doesn't.

First of all, I'm so, so sorry this happened to you. I've had similar experiences, and they're - to put it mildly - miserable. I don't think there are great answers to how to deal with it - I have had people deny when confronted - which makes a bad situation worse.

I would encourage you to talk to the owner, though. I don't know what she might want to do - but if I owned the studio and some students were making others uncomfortable, I would *absolutely* want to know. It certainly can result in a loss of business - and she may well want to find a way to address it.

[shootingstar]

I've never been in such/any exercise studios. So I'm pretty ignorant of all this.

(I'm a cheapie..I've taken exercise classes through evening part-time courses for adults via local school board. I've had excellent instructors.)

Would be nice that a forward thinking studio owner would post a nice, not too big poster at back of classroom that espouses the studio's approach/expectations for student/participant behaviour. It can be expressed in an inspiring, brief way if she already teaches and runs her studio based on those values.

[salsabike]

Laura, I think I would probably go back, take aside the woman who made the comments, and tell her that I'd overheard them and that...fill in this blank with whatever you think is really important to convey to her. I wouldn't talk to a whole group--the dynamic of that is way different. I'd talk to her alone. And I WOULD talk to her about it. And probably to the owner as well.

Muirenn is right; it's bullying.

By the way, Muirenn, a barre class bears almost no resemblance to the barre section of a ballet class. It's sort of like a superheated Pilates class. It's great, but the name "barre" is all PR and no saddle, so to speak.

[lph]

Wow, I am so sad this happened, and that you felt you had to leave. I completely understand, though. In your place I would love to be strong and assertive and all that, in real life I would probably be furious and mortified at the same time and never say a word. I did think of one thing that might help, though - write a note to this woman. Explain what you heard, what it felt like, and how you've now left because of it. IME people are often thoughtless and stupid, not truly vicious. It might make you feel better, and it would certainly make her think. Ask the teacher to hand her the note if you don't want to ever see her again. Just a thought.

[Irulan]

Chances are that if they were confronted and it was public that the behaviors were unacceptable, that they would quit, probably with some sort of lame excuse.