Advice: Getting Significant Other Into Biking

[kamikazejane]

Ok, I need some advice ladies. I know I can't force my fiance to get into biking with me. I managed to get him to buy a "Walmart special" mountain bike which he has such a hard time riding and it breaks constantly. I can't get him to budge on at least buying a better quality mountain bike that is easier to ride. (He want's nothing to do with a road bike, the shorts or tiny little seat that he thinks will get stuck up his butt lol)

So any advice to persuade him? I would also just love to have his company along for rides as well.

[Irulan]

Random thoughts
-Does he have other physical activities he enjoys?
-a POS bike that breaks all the time is not going to help, can you borrow a decent bike that fits?
-any other guys that ride that might take him along?

[velo]

I haven't posted here much and am new to the forums. I am new *back* to the sport, but not new to it in general. You sound so much like me 15 years ago. I was seriously into cycling for many, many years up to about a decade ago. Competitive. I literally didn't go anywhere without my bike(s) on the top of my car. Cycling was my life. I met this guy that I totally CLICKED with on every.single.level, except cycling and actually outdoor activities in general. He is an intellectual, a full professor, and so cerebral that getting sweaty doesn't do anything for him. I tried to change him. We broke up over it. But there was so much OTHER stuff there, that after a couple of years, I realized that cycling was not worth losing the man of my dreams. We're married, with a family now and I am still, to this day, 13 years into marriage, ecstatically happy with my non-cyclist. My hiatus from cycling revolved around us starting a family and now I can get back into it... and I have his FULL support, but still no interest in joining me. And although he still won't "ride" with me, that's O.K. We do slow bike jaunts as a family on the town's trails and I enjoy that immensely. I'm happy with just that.

Anyway, my point is that you may NEVER change his mind, but obviously you have many other things in common, so just focus on those other things. If he comes around to cycling, he'll do it on his own. I think some are destined to be passionate about it and others aren't. So my advice is don't "get" him into it. Let him come to it if he wants to. Like my hubby, he may NEVER get into it, and really, for me, anyway, it was not worth another moment's worrying about it.

[Cynedra]

I agree with both of the previous posters. It is nice to have your own thing to do separate from your significant others. I also agree that the Walmart bike probably didn't help matters. My DH didn't like riding at all with one. It was just too small and extremely uncomfortable for him. Then he used BIL recumbent which fit him better but was not very practical with our boys - pulling trailers. Now, he has a properly sized (not fitted maybe one day) comfort bike that makes him want to ride. (So now I don't get my alone time - oh well). A cheap craigs list bike in a near size might make it easier or enjoy having one or two things separate from your SO can be a good thing.

[kamikazejane]

Our shared passion that brought us together was actually motorcycles. Sportbikes for me and he builds custom choppers. I used to race sportbikes and had to sell off everything from divorce debt so I am left with human powered wheels vs. his motorized wheels. I love spending time with him and right now it's: I go off an my pedal bike while he goes off on his custom chopper and then we meet back at home after our rides. It used to not be like that, we would go off on rides together, so I guess I just feel a bit sad that we go our separate ways. His current custom chopper isn't equipped with a passenger seat and I can't afford another motorcycle right now so it just sucks.

Velo you make perfect sense but I guess it is just hard since he is my best friend as well. He isn't one bit athleticly inclined at all and I can't force him. We have managed some mountain bike rides with me on my xcross and him on his Walmart Special but I can tell he doesn't find the same joy in it. I can't force him. I think I am going to have to force him to build me a custom chopper now instead since he won't do the biking thing lol.

Thanks ladies.

[hebe]

My other half started riding when he saw how much fun I was having (and how I was toning up). I agree with the other TE'rs, getting him to ride against his will would be counter productive. I'd hate it if my dh tried to get me involved in his online gaming, for example. I enjoy riding with him, but I also really enjoy riding on my own. Good luck with sorting out something that you can both enjoy together

[lovelygamer]

Does he have a hobby/interest he'd like to include you in but you've never participated in?

Maybe if you join in on something he likes he would be more interested in doing the same? I know my thing is cycling and my guys thing is kayaking. We each have started participating in the others sport but only occasionally (1 or 2x's a month) and those times are really special and fun.

I agree with everyone else. Don't browbeat him just because he has a cheap bike and "can" ride. Cheap bikes and small seats suck. If it's not comfortable, I won't ride either.

Plus, we need our own identities and stuff to do. Maybe you could get g/f's to ride with you instead?

[shootingstar]

He has a bicycle now.

So just let him be. If he doesn't want to, let it go. He finds his passion in other things, ie. motorcycling.

[jyyanks]

Add me the list of people who say drop it.

I got really into biking last year and tried to get my husband excited about it as well. It wasn't his thing and he didn't like having his arm twisted. I went as far as buying him a nice bike as a "surprise" anniversary gift which he promplty returned. I was hurt that he returned it, but in hindsight, I really should have just let him be.

I don't enjoy a lot of things he does and would be quite annoyed if he tried to twist my arm. The fact that your BF was willing to buy a bike and ride with you is a feat in itself. I would let it go and eventually he may really end up getting into it. However, if he doesn't, it's ok too. You're both allowed to have your own interests outside of each other and maybe you just need to enjoy biking as YOUR new hobby and find something else that the two of you can enoy together. Good Luck!

[Bethany1]

Are you the one that can't ride a motorcycle in a previous post? That would suck if you can't ride a bike and he won't/can't ride a bicycle. Are you still able to ride on the back of a motorcycle as a passenger?

Also if you are looking at the Amira? He may not want to intrude on the purchase and feel like he's ruined your day if he gets a bike.

You can't make him ride a bike. Let it go for now. My hubby tried to ride a bike and it's just not for him. It makes for lonely trips but it's okay that he doesn't ride a bike. We do other things together that make up for it.

[Crankin]

Of course, you can't force the issue.
This makes me glad cycling is something I do mostly with my DH and a few friends. I do ride a- lone, but I don't like it, mostly because I get bored on longer rides. I hardly do group rides anymore, and when I do, usually I'm leading the ride.
DH and I have always done lots of stuff together, eating out, theatre, symphony, socializing with friends, and stuff with the kids. I had my gym time early in the AM, so it didn't interfere with family and couple/social life stuff. When DH started riding he always did his rides at the time I was at the gym, or sometimes at night, when I used to be grading papers. It was like exercise was the stuff we did to get it "over with," and now it's our whole lifestyle.