Teachers/Parents Advice

[limewave]

My DD told me that there were a couple of girls that were picking on her at daycare. These are older kids 6/7 age, it's more of an after-school program than daycare. Anywho . . . I'm was not surprised to hear this, I know the aforementioned girls and had the displeasure of coaching them in little league soccer

What DID surprise me is what DD told me next, that her teacher told her to "go over and knock over their castle." (Apparently they were building a large castle out of legos/blocks.)

I'm not a "I'll-show-them" "get-them-back" "eye-for-an-eye" person. I have found that having an attitude like that usually escalates the situation rather than diffusing it. I want to teach my kids to take the higher ground. I am perturbed that the teacher encouraged DD to be destructive and aggressive towards the other girls.

Do I talk to the teacher about this?

I talked to DD about it. She was pretty upset and confused because she was only "doing what her teacher told her to do." I explained that sometimes teachers are wrong, she needs to think for herself, ask herself if what she's being asked/told is the RIGHT thing to do.

[malkin]

Ew.

First, it is wonderful that DD told you! and that you could speak with her about your values in the situation. That's good mom work.

Next, follow up with the care providers about what their policy is for handling bullying and encouraging social skill development in the kids. Depending on the structure of the place, you may want to speak directly with the instructor who gave the "knock down their castle" instruction or you may want to go further up the supervisory chain.

[zoom-zoom]

I can't imagine that talking to a teacher who tells a little girl to do something that is clearly wrong will help.

Horrible.

Ugh, that's sort of the reaction I have, as well. I think taking to the teacher, as Malkin suggested, is a good idea. It may not help, but I don't think it would hurt.

I think I'm more irritated by the teacher's reaction than I am by the bullying kids. The kids still have time to learn to not be jerks!

[limewave]

I think I'm more irritated by the teacher's reaction than I am by the bullying kids. The kids still have time to learn to not be jerks!

I don't blame the girls. They have really messed up home/family lives. I know what I witnessed first hand at soccer and can't even imagine how screwed up things are behind closed doors Which is another reason I'm extra upset about the teachers reaction. These girls need to be shown kindness especially in the face of adversity.

[OakLeaf]

Not to stir the pot, but are you 100% sure that your daughter is telling you the truth?

[limewave]

Not to stir the pot, but are you 100% sure that your daughter is telling you the truth?

I had thought about that. Which is why I want to be careful about approaching the teacher. I don't want to be accusatory. Although I have a feeling what I was told was an accurate portrayal of the events . . . at least from DD's perspective.

V: I come from a long line of school teachers. I've heard all sorts of stories. I usually give them the benefit of the doubt.

[Crankin]

Not to upset anyone, but after school program teachers, even in a public school, are not necessarily certified teachers. It doesn't mean that this behavior is excusable, but just that you are not dealing with the same thing as a classroom teacher.
I would talk to the teacher first, saying, "This is what my daughter told me, and I just want to check this out..." If you are not satisfied with the resolution, talk to her supervisor.

[channlluv]

I think you handled it well, and yes, if it were me, I'd talk to the teacher in private. She probably regretted saying it as soon as it was out of her mouth. And if she wasn't, I'd consider bringing it up with her supervisor.

I like that you're encouraging your daughter to do what she feels is right, even if someone in authority is suggesting otherwise.

Roxy

[Veronica]

Well first of all, gasp! teachers aren't perfect. I don't think a week goes by that I don't wish I had phrased something a little differently, or just left my mouth shut.

I'd certainly go talk to the teacher and find out what her intention had been. And teachers don't always know everything about every child. There isn't enough time in the day to get to really know every single kid. And, I don't allow a messed up home life to excuse poor behavior, or forgetting your meds, or having too much sugar for breakfast... Of course, I'm working with 10 year olds, not 6 year olds. Ten year olds understand group norms a bit better.

Veronica