I just do not understand people

[Jen12]

I have a friend who bad-mouths a very long term friend of hers when the girl is not around. I think it's due in large part to the fact that my friend's fiancee (sp?) doesn't like this girl, nor does her BFF. Yet, she goes out to dinner with this girl and spends time with her. It seems really passive-aggressive.

I really don't get it. If someone is your friend, be a friend. Don't smack talk her when you're around others who don't like her. I've stood up for this girl several times, reminding my friend that they've known each other for over a decade and it would be a shame to let that go to waste.

Sometimes people act like they never got out of middle school.

[PamNY]

I totally understand this. It's an issue with some people I'm forced to deal with. I won't derail the thread with details, but it's gotten to the point that I'm going to speak up when the gossip starts.

I'm glad you said something.

[Grits]

Someone wrote in to one of the advice columnists in the paper I read asking what to do in this situation. The columnist's advice was to, whenever the friend starts slamming the other person, say, "she/he always speaks very highly of you." Kind of takes the wind out of their sails.

[Flybye]

Someone wrote in to one of the advice columnists in the paper I read asking what to do in this situation. The columnist's advice was to, whenever the friend starts slamming the other person, say, "she/he always speaks very highly of you." Kind of takes the wind out of their sails.

Hey, I was going to say that

My motto is - if I am not part of the problem or the solution then I am not part of the conversation - and I verbalize that when someone tries to snag me into talking about others!

[Jen12]

Hey, I was going to say that

My motto is - if I am not part of the problem or the solution then I am not part of the conversation - and I verbalize that when someone tries to snag me into talking about others!

I love this motto!!!!!


In my situation, I barely know the girl who they're always talking about, but the few times I've been around her she's been incredibly kind to me. I tend to just make a statement to that effect.

[PamNY]

I love these suggestions. Keep them coming. I've dealt with this frustrating issue so much I can't think straight about it.