when you dump a friend

[badger]

I had to dump a "friend" that I have known for over 20 years. we've never had a great friendship, we had a falling out once before. But this is it. I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells or have her yell at me for not letting her know that I'm not having a birthday party (this all transpired on my birthday).

I will admit that I'm not completely faultless, but it's just too hard to maintain a friendship with someone you have to watch every little thing you say or do because she will get mad or criticize. I've never been yelled at before on a phone like that, and even after apologizing she kept on going. And really, why should I apologize for not having a party? I can honestly say that was abuse.

Just because you know someone for a long time doesn't mean they're good for you. I'm glad to not have her in my life anymore.

[/rant over]

[lph]

Good for you, badger! *applause*

I know just what you mean, I'm afraid.

[Biciclista]

sounds like my mother. Lucky you, she's your ex friend.

[malkin]

Life is short.

Happy Birthday!!!

[Crankin]

Exactly. You did the right thing. I have a 20 year friend I would like to dump, too, but I just can't, as she's friends with one of my really good friends, too. So, we commiserate. She has all kinds of issues and I suspect Bipolar, or even a personality disorder. And I thought this before I went back to school. I have limited it to seeing her maybe once a month and a phone call every 2 weeks.
Too bad one of those calls was about an hour ago. She castigates me because I "don't care about my family" and she does. No, she still thinks she has to do things the way her parents did. What 57 year old calls her parents "mommy and daddy?" Her DH travels 4 days a week to get away from her and her son (college aged) can't stand being around her. All she has is her dog.
Oy. And she thinks there's something wrong with me?

[redrhodie]

(((badger))) I know this is harder than it sounds. I've felt more guilt over ending friendships than relationships. I hope you feel better without her in your life!

[badger]

Oy. And she thinks there's something wrong with me?

ha ha, and my ex friend thinks there's something wrong with me, too! she's faultless, of course. It's funny, the more I tried to not step on her toes, the more I ended up stomping on them!

Biciclista - she actually reminds me of my mother, too. We often get into relationships that remind us of our parents to work out the issues - I guess a small part of me hung onto this friendship to try and work out the issues I had with my mother, but I think this one just ran too deep.

Besides, after my mother went through menopause she's a different woman!

I really do feel better for not having her (ex-friend) in my life. I got nothing but negativity and strife from her.

[shootingstar]

I think you had tried to be a loyal friend, badger.

She might miss you more than you miss her. She doesn't have a punching bag .. Ow, that sounded hurtful!

[Susan]

Good for you, Badger. Even if it may be hard at first, from what you write about this friendship it's probably better for you not to invest any more into it.

I can't even imagine why on earth so. would yell at so. because she doesn't have a birthday-party?

[Irulan]

Some people are just not healthy emotionally, and don't know what "healthy" looks like. That doesn't mean we have to tolerate it.

http://www.amazon.com/When-Friendshi...1926810&sr=1-1

[badger]

you know, I've thought about her on and off this week, and I can honestly say that I don't miss anything about her. I don't even miss the idea of her, as we really haven't been friends for the past while. We don't discuss anything personal, and we only communicated via email once every few weeks, if that.

What I'm wanting, at this point, is actually for her to contact me so I can tell her all that was wrong with us, but that's a bit moot, isn't it? I'm not wanting to salvage the friendship.

[Irulan]

you know, I've thought about her on and off this week, and I can honestly say that I don't miss anything about her. I don't even miss the idea of her, as we really haven't been friends for the past while. We don't discuss anything personal, and we only communicated via email once every few weeks, if that.

What I'm wanting, at this point, is actually for her to contact me so I can tell her all that was wrong with us, but that's a bit moot, isn't it? I'm not wanting to salvage the friendship.

What would be the point of that? Venting so you feel better? One of things that is learned when becoming emotionally healthy is that you only take your own inventory, not someone else's. Anyway, that sounds like a terrible thing to do. Better just to let go and get on with your life.

[marni]

do a releasing ceremony- write down all the things that you would have to vent to her on a piece of paper, stand quietly in a darkened room with some candles and incense or whatever makes you feel calm and centered. Read each item out loud and preface it with something like" I release" ......., or "I no longer accept"...... taking a breath in and blow it out between each item. At the end, burn the list and promise yourself that all of the negative energy is released and you don't need to let it or her back in.

Of course the other option is to get some graveyard dirt and sprinkle it around the boundary of your living space to keep out the negative energies and protect you. !

Renegade pagan at heart