No sympathy, please.

[zombeav]

Hello Everyone,

I am glad to have found this forum and this will be my first post.

I am an active woman like all of you, and this year will mark the BIG 4-0 for me. I nearly cringe to say it, but I'll get over it.

What has been happening to me lately is crazy. Just downright depressing. In fact, I AM depressed. I have participated in many triathlons, also seperate cycling and running events. But that seems like a dream to me now. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis (RA) in the fall. I had some troubling symptoms, but I always just felt that it was related to my extremely active lifestyle. In addition, I was completing my Master of Occupational Therapy degree, which I felt may have been contributing to my fatigue. But then the pain became worse (7/10 most days), and the fatigue was seriously screwing up my life. Then shortly following the dx of RA came the depression. Like a big black blanket covering up my goal oriented personality and snuffing out my hopes to pursue the rest of my dreams. To make matters worse, I have gained about 20-30 lbs, where I had previously enjoyed being trim with an athletic build. I am tall about 5'10 (and shrinking), so carrying extra weight puts me in the "big" category.

I sit here and shake my head and sigh, as I struggle to find a solution that fits in with my life. I hired a trainer two weeks ago, and that is going well. I need someone to push me when I can't push myself. I am still doing my work-outs 5-6 times a week, but it is a mental struggle nearly every time. The pain and fatigue don't seem worth it sometimes. I am a therapist, and I use my mind and body to work everyday, and it's exhausting on it's own sometimes (most times).

My questions are:
How the heck am I going to ride the storm out?
How will I be able to do the Tri's and rides I do every year if I can't match my intensity of prior years?
Is this all there is?????

If anyone has experienced these feelings or has gone through a similar situation, anything that you can share with me will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Z~

[shootingstar]

I sit here and shake my head and sigh, as I struggle to find a solution that fits in with my life. I hired a trainer two weeks ago, and that is going well. I need someone to push me when I can't push myself. I am still doing my work-outs 5-6 times a week, but it is a mental struggle nearly every time. The pain and fatigue don't seem worth it sometimes. I am a therapist, and I use my mind and body to work everyday, and it's exhausting on it's own sometimes (most times).

My questions are:
How the heck am I going to ride the storm out?
How will I be able to do the Tri's and rides I do every year if I can't match my intensity of prior years?
Is this all there is?????

If anyone has experienced these feelings or has gone through a similar situation, anything that you can share with me will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Z~

Congrats. for hanging there to finish your studies.

Instead of cycling for competing against yourself, rethink what cycling TRULY is a gift to enjoy..for life.

And cycle accordingly without much expectation of yourself except to enjoy yourself. Since you seem goal oriented having an odometer on bike later might be good.

But not right now. You need to reignite love of cycling again. Forget about competing even against yourself.

Rethink perhaps going on touring ride or very long ride in summer or fall. Gets you to ride more often, prepare but with a much more pleasant, less competitive goal. I mean aiming for at least a 100 kms. day ride..or similar. Riding with pannier weight ..is another form of fitness. Don't always think of tris, races, etc.

I'm actually still trying to get used to the city where I moved a few months ago. Seems like where I live and the traffic speed (too many one way fast streets downtown) is such that I tend to think more /plan more about cycling ..instead of spontaneously jumping onto the bike.

I just have to learn more about the routes in this city.

By the way, this freakin' city has some reversing traffic lanes a certain times downtown. Stupid. Unheard of in Toronto and Vancouver where I lived. So my hang-ups are slightly different.

[Veronica]

Being very goal oriented and competitive myself I can understand how it will be hard to not do compete at the same level as you have in the past. It sucks.

I'd like to think that if I were in your shoes I would decide that this year I'd be setting new benchmarks. I no longer have a winning poker hand, but I'm still in the game kind of thing. It doesn't change that it sucks. I've been working on a new mantra - Strive to improve, but be content.

Take care of yourself.

Veronica

[salsabike]

I have been through something very similar. The world's briefest summary: was a dancer, got fibromyalgia, gained medication-related weight, found cycling, lost some but not all of the weight, then diagnosed in addition with mild RA (which has stayed mild. Still trying to get off the rest of that weight).

You learn to adjust your expectations, wants, needs, and activities according to the cycles these syndromes present to you. And actually, life's like this for many people for a wide variety of reasons. That doesn't make it fun, but learning to surf the rhythms of the ups and downs is a really useful coping skill to acquire, since we're all gonna need that skill at some point.

I think the best advice I have is, consider yourself in this for the long haul. You are going to have good periods and tough periods, but neither last, which is good to know. It won't be this bad forever. And other doors open (e.g., from ballet to triathlon). Keep an eye out for the other doors and consider taking some of them, since there's some pretty fun stuff in there that you probably hadn't noticed before.

Do a little research online to find others who have been through this. Believe me, they're out there--I looked too (google "runners with RA", etc.). Take a look at this blog: http://tribeyondlimits.blogspot.com/ I don't agree with everything she says, but she's a good example of what I mean about rolling with the ups and downs.

I hope this is a little helpful. It won't always feel this bad. It truly won't.

[smittykitty]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now. I wish I had some advice, but unfortunately I do not. I do know you have found a wonderful group of very supportful women here at TE. I know you will find lots of good advice and even more support!!! Hang in there and again, Welcome!

[Aggie_Ama]

When I was diagnosed with a chronic illness (Essential Tremor) I took it hard. It took my then passion of bowling and made it nearly impossible. Then I swallowed that it was going to be a part of my life and became my own advocate. I took it as a challenge which ignited my competitive side. I wanted to know so much, find the best doctor and fight for me. Work against the challenge of RA. There are so many new treatments, if you aren't aware yet maybe you can learn about them.

You may not be the level you were but don't get discouraged, just grow and try to enjoy the training. Every day you can get moving you are winning one battle many people with RA won't fight. Someone told me at the line for one of my races "the only *** you have to kick is your own". So just try to beat what you feel you can do now, not what you did. Good luck in your journey, it is a change but judging by the links salsa posted it isn't one people can't overcome.

[redrhodie]

I sit here and shake my head and sigh, as I struggle to find a solution that fits in with my life. I hired a trainer two weeks ago, and that is going well. I need someone to push me when I can't push myself. I am still doing my work-outs 5-6 times a week, but it is a mental struggle nearly every time. The pain and fatigue don't seem worth it sometimes. I am a therapist, and I use my mind and body to work everyday, and it's exhausting on it's own sometimes (most times).

My questions are:
How the heck am I going to ride the storm out?
How will I be able to do the Tri's and rides I do every year if I can't match my intensity of prior years?
Is this all there is?????

Z~

I think you need to incorporate at least one more rest day per week. Working out 5-6 times per week when you're not feeling great sounds like too much to me. There's a time for pushing yourself, but this may not be it. And I mean real rest, with some pampering. Do you get massage therapy? That really helps with recovery, both physical and mental, IMO. Also how is your diet? Are you eating enough? You're not starving yourself to lose weight, are you? I would consider consulting a nutritionist.

Know that there will be good times ahead. This is temporary.

[mudmucker]

Z,

I think just about all of us who have responded in this thread has experienced a physical setback or diagnosis that was very disruptive to our lives. We have responded because we each can identify with it. Last year I was diagnosed with cancer and am dealing with some of the physical aftermath of that. I have 2 autoimmune diseases with another one brewing (that being mild RA and am seeing a rhuematlogist myself). I also have been an active athlete my entire life, and had a competitive nature in my earlier years.

I am 50 now. Just about each and every day any one of those ailments alone or together cause me some level of fatigue or physical discomfort or pain. I have understood, these are the cards I am now dealt with and I may never be who I was in terms of physical performance. The only option is to move forward in as least negative fashion as possible - there can be some positive light within all of this. But you don't have to be deprived of physical performance or competition. It is still there available for you. As others have said, it may just be different.

For me, the hardest part of all these ailments is the fatigue. Once I have ongoing fatigue, it just unsettles my whole system. It's exasperating. I resort to autopilot and begin to function at what I call my highest preservation mode. Then I must do everything I can to preserve my sleep hours - that is if I'm lucky enough to have some good sleep hours. That means if I'm not feeling well, tone down the volume of extreme physical activity. That means, maybe use that day for pilates or yoga instead of an intense workout. That means, I might have to cut out on some social engagements because I am just not up to it. That means I may have to cut out the alchohol that I wanted that evening. And many more. Add pain to that and it sure doesn't help. Add a high octane job with a long commute to that and that sure doesn't help. You also mention, the pain, the fatigue, and an exhausting job. So these are some of the compromises I must retain. Yes, I still go out and cycle, run and xc ski because it's something I must do. You are a competitive athelete so you know how to read your body. But as many other have mentioned, with the pain and fatigue of RA you will have to do a little adjusting and take heed of your readings. You will not be able to ignore things as you may have in the past. As numerous others have said, pamper yourself. Over the years though, because I have read and done my adjustments now I have some days or waves where I have contiguous days of feeling good. I have learned how to adjust by listening and finding what works and have developed my own set of tools to accomodate with what seems to be a very uncooperative body. Ultimately then, despite ailments I end up with some fairly good physical performances for my age. But that's not from working out 6 days a week. That's from working out smartly and using each less frequent workout to a maximum advantage - not wasting workout time on things that may not be as beneficial. Reading your new body and making your new adjustments however will take time. It can all be ok. As for dealing with the specific pain that your level of RA gives..that I can't answer.

Redrhodie points out something very important. And that is food. With all the fatigue and pain you are fighting against, you will require the best nourishment. As an athelete you know this intellectually. You mention the weight issues and she has astutely remarked on taking care not to compromise the nourishment you require for the extra added pain and fatigue you are experiencing with the desire to lose weight. If in fact that is happening it certainly is contributing to more fatigue.

And for the answer to your question, "is this it?". Other previous posters have made thoughtful remarks and answered, no it is not. It just may be different. And listen to the numerous reponses advocating being open to new doors and opportunities to incorporate something different that you haven't thought of.

All of this however, is all part of the aging process in general anyways, and what we all must do to accomodate ourselves as time goes on. Your situation is just a little accelerated and maybe more extreme than others around you.

[graywacke]

to the OP...
i was dx with RA at age 24, i'm 36 now. at age 26, i ran my first marathon (my first race of ANY distance) with the arthritis foundation...i was pissed that i had RA, and i needed to prove something to myself. at age 31, i got married but first i got a personal trainer, lost 20 pounds, got a road bike, and quite frankly got into awesome shape and totally redefined myself in terms of being an athlete. i also ran 3 more marathons (at 4:00:46, very respectable i think), did a TON of halfs and shorter races, a bunch of sprint tris, and always tried to push myself to get new PRs. at age 33, i had a baby, so my priorities changed a bit, but i still eeked out some running PRs at the shorter distances.

now to the part that is more relevant...in 2009, age 34, the RA got into my neck and ankle (previously it had been largely my wrists...making cycling challenging in term of shifting and braking). running...nope. although i am getting back into it, my talonavicular joint in one ankle has been eroded and i've lost a lot of range of motion. and a lot of running fitness. i ran one 5k in december, and even though i did try to just be happy to be out there (and i was), it may have been my slowest race pace ever (slower than my marathon pace, and this was just a 5k). i WANT to run again..i sort of can, but not fast or far...and that SUCKS, mentally. i tried to do more cycling (and i did...go to www.californiacoastclassic.org, i did this in the fall and it's awesome and raises $ for the arthritis foundation), since i hadn't really done any "racing" i didn't have the ame expectations for myself as i did running. i got a lot better at swimming, and lat summer entered 3 "aqua-bikes" which is basically a bike-swim, you're "allowed" to not do the run part of a tri. heck i even won one. but i had NO competition, so that was bittersweet.

i guess this...you will just have to get through it. it DOES SUCK. i can't sympathize, but i can EMPATHIZE because this is me, too. i am going through it NOW too. i cry sometimes, when i see runners out on the road and think, i used to be able to do that. i miss who i was. but it does get better...the RA part, it comes and goes. when you get on the right meds, it will get better.

i have a blog...www.musclesandra.blogspot.com feel free to comment there, and i think you can email me too through that.

clare

[Xrayted]

Hmmm. Interesting thread. But just barely. Here's my take on it all...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMO8Pyi3UpY

Yeah, that's about what I think of it. Smile and have a nice day.