Arranging a funeral for someone nobody liked

[lph]

Harsh words, I guess, but pretty much the reality. Because of a convoluted relationship to my own family, I am helping to arrange the funeral of an opinionated bitter old woman who died a few days ago, leaving a swathe of lawsuits, nasty letters and insulted and hurt people in her wake. Family, neighbours, colleagues, the local bus driver, the lot.

I'm a little at a loss as to how to handle this. On one hand we are having trouble finding people who remember her in a positive way, or even want to come, on the other hand she once was "just" a strongwilled (and handsome! no other word that fits) woman who married, had a child, was an excellent teacher, and must have had a lot of good sides and people who cared for her. I only met her a few times when I was a teenager. But 30 years later things have changed a lot.

So I find myself debating what a funeral is supposed to be, and how honest. Even though few people, if any feel sad about losing her, there's still the sadness of the loss of a human being, and the stark tragedy to me of wasting a life that way. How infinitely sad to not be missed by anyone when you die

Anyway. I don't really have anything to ask, but if anyone has any ideas or insight feel free to comment.

[Crankin]

Cremation and no memorial service?

[malkin]

From John Donne

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

[ny biker]

Is there a minister/pastor/rabbi/etc you could consult with? They've probably encountered this situation before, or at least one where the deceased has no family, so they could probably advise on how to handle it.

[Biciclista]

Lots of people do not have funerals. Why would you go through the trouble if this woman is as you describe her? Have her clergy of choice pray for her, give her a mass, and dispose of the body however the family wants.

[Zen]

Lots of people do not have funerals.

True.
i don't want one. Do you know if she did?

[lph]

That's a good point, and if we had thought of it earlier that might have been a good solution. The problem is not that people are indifferent to her and don't care, rather that she is leaving behind upset people with a troubled relationship to her, especially family. I think they all feel they should "do the right thing" and this is their last chance. I can understand that, the feeling of wanting to end the relationship on a decent, dignified note, no matter the earlier ugliness. Ah well, there will be a short non-religious service of some sort and cremation.