Aging

[michelem]

Thanks, Bicilista, for suggestion I start a new thread on this topic.

I am curious if any of you have the same trouble I do with reconciling your aging self with your inner self-concept? Not sure that makes sense . . . what I mean is that, I still feel at least 10 years younger than my chronological age and have to remind myself that I am 40+. I look in the mirror and see these changes (wrinkles, sagging, etc. -- only the stray gray once in a while though) and the reflection I see does not jive with how I feel! It really hit me this weekend when I saw some "old" friends who have gotten quite gray and I thought, how the heck did we get this old? I don't feel this old!

Oh, and another thing that recently brought this to the forefront of my mind: I was reading a review about Ben Stiller's new movie, in which his 40-year-old character was referred to as "middle-aged." I thought, WHAT??? Am I really middle-aged already??? Sheesh!

[Biciclista]

yeah, I am getting really close to 60 years old (I'm 58). I have been dying my hair but let it grow out to its ugly greyness. I have gotten senior discounts without asking for them!!

yet i am still doing pushups, lifting weights, and of course, cycling. Being older does have some benefits; you can flirt without being taken too seriously, and i wouldn't trade my 25 year old mental state for what I have now.
I am more patient, happier, calmer, wiser.
I have all sorts of stupid aches and pains including some that don't seem to go away.
It's scary territory. My mother just became a widow, she's 20 years older than me. So in 20 years I will be at the precipice myself.
Another thing that has changed for me with age is my determination to be healthy. I take exercising very seriously now.
In a bicycling newsletter I just got there were two different powered bicycles featured. I thought "what's the point of that, you don't get exercise that way!"

[lph]

I was just thinking about this a little while ago. I recently turned 40, and though I'm fit and usually get taken for being younger I'm getting quite grey and can certainly see the changes. I'll catch a new wrinkle here or a skin spot there and suddenly feel that aging is creeping up on me in little hops and spurts. But what I was just thinking today is that exercise and an active life is what keeps me happy about myself. I have friends my age and older who are fitter and stronger and way cool, I aspire to be like them, wrinkles and all. I have friends younger than me that aspire to be as fit as I am. And the good thing about that is that it's attainable, while getting younger just isn't. When I'm not happy about myself it's not really my age or looks, it's lack of exercise, too much yucky food, lack of achievement, and feeling unfit. Which is reversible, and that my friends, is a beautiful thing

One thing I do take seriously about getting older is avoiding injury, though. Things I would bounce back from in days as a 20-30 yr.old can have me aching for weeks now, so I am definitely more careful. Breaks and sprains are a big setback.

eta: I just saw Veronicas comment on the other thread about 40 not being "old" or "aging", and wanted to add - I agree that 40 isn't "old", but then I think we read a whole lot of negative things into being "old" and a lot of positive things into being or feeling "young" which aren't quite necessary. I am noticeably oldER at 40 than at 30, but in good ways too, I'm wiser, more laidback, more experienced. At 50 and 60 I will probably feel more negative physical effects from being older, but they may well be counterbalanced by positive effects too, and as fitness and activity goes, I might even have more time for this as my son grows up. I'm doodling here, but anyway - I think the simplistic old=bad, young=good thinking is more suitable for people who don't exercise much (and maybe for top athletes going all out). For those of us who exercise a fair bit feeling "good" is more connected to exercise, sleep, time, health, stress and diet than just age.

[shootingstar]

And the good thing about that is that it's attainable, while getting younger just isn't. When I'm not happy about myself it's not really my age or looks, it's lack of exercise, too much yucky food, lack of achievement, and feeling unfit. Which is reversible, and that my friends, is a beautiful thing

One thing I do take seriously about getting older is avoiding injury, though. Things I would bounce back from in days as a 20-30 yr.old can have me aching for weeks now, so I am definitely more careful. Breaks and sprains are a big setback.

Things that we can control, food, some exercise, etc. are reversible for a long time. Though many of us here in TE forum, have fallen into valleys of lack of motivation, injury.. we each have found a way to climb out to recovery/better health. Good to have that personal history to face stuff ahead in the future for coping.

This is an incredibly tiny minor age related change --but yesterday I had my lst ever comprehensive eye exam. And am getting my lst set of reading glasses in my life. The optometrist seemed relieved/happy for me that as a first-time patient, my eyes are still healthy and only needing glasses of minor vision strength. For a 51 yr. that ain't bad to have come this far in life without glasses, even though now I have to pay attention to the idea of not losing my reading glasses.

Lately I'm noticing more newspaper articles of elderly folks as drivers who cause car accidents and really shouldn't have been driving. I'm also noticing others just abit older than I, who stridently claim that no one is going to take away their right to drive until they collapse. I am abit unsympathetic to people who aren't thinking /planning this properly about life beyond the car.

Thank goodness, I won't have to suffer that psychological angst of car=independence in the future. Nor the idea of using of public transit. Nor the idea of living in city vs. very rural area. Aging isn't just about the body gradually changing in capabilities but how to plan one's lifestyle way in advance, so that the lifestyle adjusts to body's capabilities without compromising health, independent mobility and fun.

It's a good feeling to have found lifelong options how to remain active and healthy.

[yellow]

Well, it took me over 40 years to realize that I am not as "big" (in stature, bravery, or ability to do whatever I want) as I've always believed myself to be. Maybe I got my humbling later than others, I dunno. But reconciliation (and that is what I see it as) had nothing to do with age, but more to do with some...physical limitations associated with a recent surgery (which was kind of related to age).

I'm looking at it as an opportunity to reprogram. I'll need to do a lot of things more slowly and differently, and age will definitely affect the reprogramming and my reprogrammed self. Will it limit what I can do? Probably not. Will my expectations about my ability to do those things need to be more thoughtful and perhaps realistic? Absolutely.

No, I do not like the lost elasticity in my skin, the wrinkles, the fact that I am turning into a rectangle (hey! where did my waist go??!), or that my boobs get smaller every year. But as long as I can do the things that love to do (consistent with my reprogrammed self), then I really don't have much to complain about. No, I am not an Amazon princess and I am not 20-something. But at least I'm out there.

[Crankin]

I don't like the idea of being old, I admit. At 56, I think I look pretty good for my age. I am at peace, pretty much with my body, and have been for awhile. I've been both too skinny and overweight, and both were not good.
Truthfully, I'd love to get a dermal filler for my laugh lines. DH said "go ahead and do it, if you want," but I am afraid of the side effects (allergic stuff). I've had these lines since I was in my 30's and they run in both sides of my family... the jury is still out; I will be looking for a job in a year and competing with people a lot younger than me. No gray hair yet.
I don't like having to take more recovery time after exercising. I haven't been riding as fast for the last 2 years, and I've had one thing after another with sports related injuries. I am looking at the long haul of being able to ride until I die, so I deal with it. Cycling keeps me young and if I have to go slowly as I age, I will. But, I still don't like it.

[OakLeaf]

I'm still not convinced I'm going to live long enough to worry about aging. No one I knew when I was young thought we were going to live to see 40. We walked around in wonderment when the year 2000 rolled around. Now that I'm 50 and had that health scare a couple of years ago, I think I'm comfortable with my own mortality. It's easy to say "we're all going to die," it's harder to say "I'm going to die," but I'm there and I think I'm okay with it. I do wish I had a better sense of how acceptance looks different from denial, though.

I will paraphrase something I said on my Facebook page the other day though: I have to do intervals just to maintain, now; I liked it better when it was "speedwork."

[tulip]

"You have to keep the young adventurer inside your heart alive and long enough for it to someday re-emerge. It may take some coaxing and some courage, but that person is in you always--never growing old."

--Granny D (Doris Haddock)

She walked across the US in 2000 when she was 89. She recently died. I think she was 100.

Having said that, I recently got carded at a restaurant (I'm 42). Made my day, I tell ya'! Upon reflection, though, my BF might have asked the waitress to card me...knowing it would put me in a festive mood (as if the mojito's wouldn't do the trick all by themselves)

[ummbnb]

I'm 40 and lovin' it! Sure it takes me a little longer to recover from injury. Sure my metabolism isn't what it used to be. Sure I'm the queen of moodiness and hot flashes. Sure I just got diagnosed with asthma. Sure my tits aren't as perky as they were before spending nearly all my 30's nursing and my butt fell somewhere between 37 and 39. But each year brings more wisdom and comfort in my skin and I'm groovin it all the way! I'm rather fond of my wrinkles as each one represents a great accomplishment and I'm looking forward to the day I can sport a bold head of silver because most all the silver crowned women I know are wise souls whom I look up to with great admiration.

[shootingstar]

At 50 and 60 I will probably feel more negative physical effects from being older, but they may well be counterbalanced by positive effects too, and as fitness and activity goes, I might even have more time for this as my son grows up.

Hard to know about the future..but at least being on a positive path of good lifestyle is helpful.
More than a few yrs. ago, I realize now what a terrific foundation for development of my body/health based on how I was raised as a kid and what I was fed. I see similar benefits in all my siblings who may not be in all perfect health but none have respiratory nor cardiovascular problems and all of us are 41-51 yrs. Of course none of us smoke, did drugs nor drink alcohol much. (Genetic ability to get drunk on very little booze, helps here. ) So I let my mother's lectures about processed foods, fatty stuff, etc. roll over me. I used to get real impatient listening to this and thought she was paranoid. Now I am grateful to her healthy parenting re: health of us during our tender years. And to my father who shared the news media stories about unhealthy foods, etc. with her and us to inform us at that time.

Since my partner is 16 yrs. older than I, I am semi-conscious that we do the cycling and other very physically active stuff now. Whenever we do a long touring ride or we're up snowshoeing in the mountains, I think to myself: 'Why do people want to wait until retirement to do these activities?" It should be now, when you're still healthy. Even if one is healthy now, there is still the tendency to think....let's wait in xx years to do xxxx cycling trip.

I am learning that the wishful future opportunity could have 50% chance of only becoming true and it becomes more unattainable as the years march along.

It doesn't mean one should be impulsive and unwisely do all sorts of stuff now, unprepared physically or financially. But each year, for me, means trying to live abit more mindfully.

I don't wish to worship at the temple of my body/health, since there's other non-exercise stuff/skills that are lying latent, also waiting to develop/spring out to life again. I hope to achieve a balance in life/perspective.

[katluvr]

Well Michelem, you didn't hi-jack my thread and probably some of what was in my thread (my post and others) are strongly related/intertwined with aging.

And everything everyone says here is true. But I think "I" am just in that place/space where I am not dealing well. Or maybe more reality is hitting me.
I have always fought my weight...who thought it would be easier for me now.
My legs...well you know how I feel about that.
And what about that "fat" on my back, where did that come from?!
Yep, wear those darn reading glasses from the drugstore and my arms and the lighting is just not good enough at a resturant anymore
I don't worry about grey hair...been dying it for ever.
Yes, those lines on my face..around my mouth...where did they come from?
And that back ache of mine...

I could go on and on.

I do more than alot of people my age, I have done more than many sedentary or non-adventurous people. There are people my age that look, act, etc older.

That all being said...what I "think" or "feel" my age is definitely does NOT correspond w/ my chronological age. And although that is a good thing...some times when I DO say my age or seriously look in the mirror...the reality sets in and I don't always like it.

So what will I do about it? Clean up my diet a bit, have a little more fun on the bike, I got a new hair cut last visit, maybe a newer more flattering swim suit...and if all that doesn't work...I glass of wine!

K

[kjay]

I am curious if any of you have the same trouble I do with reconciling your aging self with your inner self-concept? Not sure that makes sense . . . what I mean is that, I still feel at least 10 years younger than my chronological age and have to remind myself that I am 40+. I look in the mirror and see these changes (wrinkles, sagging, etc. -- only the stray gray once in a while though) and the reflection I see does not jive with how I feel!

Regarding reconciling our aging outer self with our inner self reminded me of a comment made by someone at a meditation seminar I recently attended, which is that our soul never ages and therefore we're always the same inside regardless of how we look on the outside. In my mind, I feel today as I felt when I was a teenager (and sometimes act like it, too). One of my primary goals in life is to narrow that gap between the inner self and the outer self, and I choose to fight aging to the end! Be glad that you feel younger inside. It would be bad news to feel older than one's actual age.

[PamNY]

I had an interesting insight into aging (and my own attitudes) when my mother was in a nursing home. My mother was very badly off, and it showed. I was surprised when many other nursing home residents were kind to me and solicitous of my well-being.

Then I realized: why shouldn't they be a source of support for me? I was assuming, because they were old and using wheelchairs and walkers and in some cases facing death themselves, that they had nothing left to give. Boy, was I wrong; some of those dear people made the worst days of my life a lot brighter. Their compassion, intelligence and humor were intact regardless of their physical ills.

Before that experience, I would have said I have no prejudice toward the old, but I was wrong. I just had a prejudice I didn't know about yet.

When we say that what we see in the mirror doesn't match what we feel inside, we are (to some extent) making assumptions about what it feels like to be old. I suspect that some of our assumptions are wrong.

[lph]

When we say that what we see in the mirror doesn't match what we feel inside, we are (to some extent) making assumptions about what it feels like to be old. I suspect that some of our assumptions are wrong.

Good point and well put, Pam.

I sometimes meet people much younger than me that are "old".

[GLC1968]

When we say that what we see in the mirror doesn't match what we feel inside, we are (to some extent) making assumptions about what it feels like to be old. I suspect that some of our assumptions are wrong.

This is a very, very good point. I read 'Water for Elephants' a few months back (and if you haven't read it, you should - phenominal book) and it really, really opened my eyes to aging. The story is told through the eyes of a man in his late 80's or early 90's (I forget his actual age) and it is soooo revealing about how older people get treated and often dismissed. And how much of a struggle it can be to have your brain think you are still capable of so much more than your body can put out. It really illuminated Pam's point - many of our assumptions about what it's like to 'feel' old are likely wrong.

I'd totally forgotten about that until just now. Thanks for the reminder, PamNY!