To all moms

[trayc]

I need some advice. I am a divorced mom who shares custody with my daughter's dad. I have Rachel(daughter) every other week. I teach school and so am off for the summer, I set a goal to ride at least 5 days a week(I am a beginner rider). When the week rolls around that I have Rachel I feel so bad about leaving her. She is 11 and has no desire to ride a bike for longer than about 15 minutes. I feel so guilty if I leave her for an hour or so and of course I am worried about her being by herself while I am gone. I have to drive about 10 miles away from my house to get to where I can ride. I am so disappointed that it is July and I haven't even ridden 5 days in a row, because when she goes back to her dad, I can't seem to get up the motivation to ride when I don't have her. Any help??

T

[CorsairMac]

do you have a trainer or can you afford to get one? A thought would be you and Rachel could pick a movie to watch together while you ride the trainer. That way you two still get to spend time together And you can still try to meet your goal.

[Irulan]

I"m thinking that you need to put the guilty feelings aside, and do something for yourself. It's fairly common in divorce situations for parents to be ravaged by guilt, and to let that be their guide for their dealing with thier kids. It's a better example if you take care of yourself physically and mentally than if you let your self be manipulated by overwhelming guilt. Kids are notorious for exploiting this, too.

IMO, ( mother of two) 11 is plenty old enough to stay alone for an hour or two. Or, see if there's a way to incorporate cycling into your time together: Rides to places she would enjoy, bribery if necessary. Explore your neighborhood riding options, maybe you dont' have to drive 10 miles for a ride. I thought the beauty of a bike is that you can head out your front door.

just my 2¢, take it or leave it.

irulan

[MightyMitre]

Hi Trayc. Has your daughter complained or commented on being left alone for a hour to amuse herself? I seem to remember when I was that age I actually quite liked being left for a short time. I felt grown up and privileged that I was trusted enough to take care of myself for a short time.

If I was in your daughters position I'd also feel proud that I had a mum that did something as interesting as cycling and took care of herself and her health. Is this the first summer you've had this arrangement? If so, may be you both just need a little time to get into it. Your daughter might not be interested in cycling at the moment but maybe hearing about the fun you had/thing you saw/places you went might spark her curiosity.

Hope this helps. Don't have any kids of my own but yet but like to think I can still remember what it was like to be 11. And good on you for getting out there and riding.

[RoadRaven]

I am not divorced but I do know the answers are never easy to find...

What you are showing your daughter is that exercise is an important part of overall wellbeing. This is vital given the increased inactivity in our children around the Western world which can lead to serious health problems like obesity and weak bones.

Is there some other physical thing she likes doing you could do with her at the weekend? - Think of it as cross-training.

I like Corsair's idea of using a trainer...

Good luck, and whether you choose to ride and leave her, or you find something to do where she will choose to be included, you are doing the right thing. You will be modelling negotiation and compromise, you will be demonstrating that self-health of the mind body and spirit is important.

[mommelisa]

hi, trayc. i have two children, 9 and 10 1/2 and my husband travels a bit. on those days, i have always had a hard time getting my workout in, as i never felt comfortable leaving the children alone either. my compromise is that i get up early and try to be finished before they'd normally wake up. my kids usually get up around 7:30, so i'll go out (during the summer) around 5:30 to get my rides in. i take my cell phone with me, and the kids and i discuss the route i am taking the night before. we also have a "protocol" for what would happen if for some reason i was not home by 8:00 am, and i always wear/take id with me. we've been doing this for about 6 months now, and it seems to be going well.

one of the nice things now, is that my daughter - the 9 yo - whose favorite passtime is watching tv - is starting to ask if on the days i run if she can ride her bike with me when i go. baby steps!

good luck, i hope you find something that works for you!

[Technotart]

I have to agree with what Irulan said about the guilt. After my divorce, guilt was my guiding light so to speak in how I handled my kids. Well kids aren't stupid and they figured that out pretty quick. I had big problems then!

You really do deserve your workouts! And the example you set for her is SO important!