A bit OT - Climbing after a fall.

[Grog]

My boyfriend, whom I have lived with for nearly two years, left me last week, and this afternoon he moved some of his stuff - but above all, himself - away.

We are in pretty good terms, but I am so, so sad.

When he left there was only one thing I could do because I'm so sick of crying. I hopped on the bike and went to climb the Mont-Royal (for those who don't know of Montreal, we have this 250 meters hill in the center of the city). Twice. I don't feel much better now, but at least it was nearly an hour of not thinking about anything and above all that will help me sleep tonight.

I had to share this with you gals. My other girlfriends don't understand the bike thing too well and don't understand why one would want to do any other thing than talk right now. That's just not what I needed... Thanks for being there, even if virtually.

[solobiker]

I am sorry to hear of your recent change, if you know what I mean. I definately understand how important it was to get out on the bike and hit the hills. It gives you a chance to "clear your mind". I too am very much that way, if I am in a bump in the road of life I usually need to get out for a run or a long ride just to think and become one and get into that zone. Hang in there!!

[singletrackmind]

All I know for sure is that nothing is. Boys come, boys go. Tis never a tragedy but only making space for a new one. If things work, great, if not there's a good reason. Hurt is the scab on the wound, a new man before you are done healing only a band-aid. You own your heart and mind when you have no need for band-aids.

When I was forced to leave a relationship after 9 years I rode and rode and rode. Incredible therapy. I met so many new people and made friendships that are still with me today, 9 years later. Come to think of it, I met my husband while out riding and during my first mtb race season we kept bumping into each other. That led to riding together and realizing how great we fit.
I was SOOOOOOO messed up when I left the other guy but this one is so much more than he ever was. Sure, it was a lot of heartache and a couple years worth of both dud guys and guys who were great but just not for me. I had many great adventures I'd have never had otherwise and am way happier than I could ever have been with guy #1. More importantly I remembered who I am by myself and how strong I am as an individual. Now, in retrospect, I can't even imagine how I didn't know we really weren't right for each other in the first place.

Ride long, ride hard, cry, laugh, socialize, learn something new or pick up something you used to do again, enjoy. Huge hugs and best wishes for your future. There's always a reason.

[Grog]

Oooh, thank you girls for your kind and inspirational words. I too like to think that something finishing is opportunities opening up, but well... on the very moment when things finish, that's not exactly what I think about...

I am glad I started riding because I have been meeting many new people and such great ones recently, including the girls here at TE! Who knows where rides may lead? And even if I don't meet a cyclist, well... my new, remodelled legs can be of some help in seducing NewGuy anyway.

pick up something you used to do again

It's amazing the number of things we loved that we just happen to drop when we start a new relationship, isn't it? There's a couple of things I may go back to... Like reading more and going to more repertoire movies... but only when it rains!!!

[Bustertb]

Sorry to hear about your break-up. I totally understand about the 'going for a ride' thing. There are days...no, weeks, where I say, "if I can't get out of my bike I'm gonna kill someone." I haven't so don't worry I am an outdoor person. I love gardening and being outside. The thing about that is when my neighbor's who don't work in their yard see me they want to talk. When I'm on my bike - A. the other people out there know to smile or wave and then GO ON! and B. The neighbor's who always want to waste my time listening to their endless chatter would never be out there! Love being on my bike. It helps clean out my mind.

[Trek420]

Grog,

<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>

we've all been there and done that. Now, if only there was a t-shirt, and Spazz probably will find one. And, what singletrackmind said.

"even if I don't meet a cyclist, well... my new, remodelled legs can be of some help in seducing NewGuy anyway. "

You did a 950 meters hill twice just to blow off a lil' steam? Your legs are just fine but do those hill repeats girrrl. And if OldGuy sees you blur by, give him a parting glance at what he can't believe he's missing.

"I left THAT? Doh! Idiot"

Living well and looking good doing it are the best revenge

[Grog]

You did a 950 meters hill twice just to blow off a lil' steam?

No! A 250 meters (elevation)! unfortunately... and just a couple of kilometers - the going up part is about 3-5 km (I should check that out) I wish I had a 950 meters hill anywhere close!!! That would blow off LOADS of steam!!!

Just curious though:

I was discussing with a friend that sometimes cyclists can be somewhat intimidating to other people. I remember, when I was only commuting on a very old bike, thinking that those roadies zooming by were from another planet. People riding 3000 km/year + can't be "real", can they? (well they ARE!!) So, on the dating front, has any of you gals ever experienced guys that were intimidated by the cycling thing? (Not that I would refrain from cycling to prevent that, but I am curious because I know it does happen in the professional field - guys do not always have what it takes to appreciate a girl that's more accomplished in her job than they are). Any thoughts on this?

Of course, I'd rather meet someone who's turned on by this and wants to get into cycling too.

[Tar-Cat]

So sorry to hear about your "situation". I ended a 5-year relationship back in the fall, and for days I had trouble sleeping and found it hard to talk without crying - hard, when you have to teach 2 classes a day. A couple days after, I went for a swim. It was exactly what I needed. I ended up swimming thousands upon thousands of yards a day, 5 days a week. I would go on autopilot mid-swim, just going along, thinking about everything from my thesis, to my classes, to everything else going on in my life - so absorbed in that, in fact, that I jammed my hand directly into the wall too many times.

It's amazing what exercise and a good support system can do to get you through the really rough times. Hang in there, keep riding, and keep leaning on your friends - it's why they are there!

[nuthatch]

so absorbed in that, in fact, that I jammed my hand directly into the wall too many times.

Oh dear! Grog, hope you don't experience the cycling equivalent of those swimming injuries!

Thanks for starting this thread - I know everyone on this forum has experienced this kind of loss (and when our British friends call it "gutting" it's absolutely the perfect way to describe it). It still hurts a bit, even many, many years later.

This thread made me start thinking about the attraction/competition type of response that SOs have to our athleticism. Does anyone else have stories about what happened when their cycling performance exceeded their partner's? My take is that it's cool and scary at the same time for them and they don't quite know how to respond.

[MomOnBike]

Nuthatch sez:

This thread made me start thinking about the attraction/competition type of response that SOs have to our athleticism. Does anyone else have stories about what happened when their cycling performance exceeded their partner's?

My cycling really picked up when DH got me a really cool 10-speed Raleigh for for our 1st anniversary. Suddenly I could leave him in the dust. Just as suddenly, he needed a new bike, and then we were more or less even again. (He still commutes on that bike, and Walter and I get out sometimes, too.)

Now, on down hills, William and I can leave him like he's standing still - but that's OK, 'cause he gets us on the uphills. (Just wait 'til I lose another 30 lbs...)

For all that, I don't think he carries his ego on his bike.

Now, if I suddenly became a better musician than he is, we'd have real problems. Probably not an issue, he practices way more than I do.

[Tar-Cat]

I am in much better shape than my current BF. The first few times we rode together I thought it would be fine - I neglected the fact that those were my first few times on my road bike, and I was being ultra-careful with those skinny tires! Now if I go slow enough to ride with him I feel like I'm not getting a workout at all. I know I could just ride on my own instead those days, or stay behind him so I don't leave him in the dust...but I always wonder if he's actually working hard or just toiling around out there, and half the time I want to get in front and push him to go harder. For now, we ride seperately.