Gift-giving,timing & family near & far

[shootingstar]

When living under the same roof, yes I did try to give birthday gifts on day of family member's birthday.

But admittedly, that practice has fallen apart in my own family over the past 25 years. Even when I lived in same city as my birth family with siblings scattered in their homes and with different personal schedules, etc. Organizing birthday parties was not always on near or exactly on the person's day since it was contingent on coordinating schedules with others and their immediate loved ones (spouse, their children. We always include children no matter what, regardless of age.) Birthday get togethers fell on weekends...by default as easiest for planning.

And now, it hasn't become better now that I live 4,300 kms. away from them.

Part of challenge is having a big family, that well, it can get costly, the gift, shipping, etc. and cost for that. That's buying for 16 people. (then there's Christmas, Mother's Day, Father's Day) I do impose a budget on myself for gift-giving. I have to... Unless the person is celebrating a milestone birthday, ie. 40th birthday, 80th, etc., they are generally ok getting the gift ..sometimes quite delayed..ie. many wks., months...like when I can fly out to visit. It's just been like this for decades in our family.

So what do some of you do for family who don't live underneath the same roof/in same city/state/province? And are family members very particular if they don't get their gift on the exact day of their special day?

[shootingstar]

NB: The reverse happens to me..I got my 50th birthday (which fell near end of Jan. 2009) ..gift..in Oct. 2008 when a sister was visiting me. She had some gifts from others also in her luggage.


I was just happy to see her at that time..that I nearly forgot the present until my b-day happened this year.

[ny biker]

No one lives under my roof except me, and my family is anywhere from 300 to 3000 miles away.

Sometimes I get birthday cards/gifts to people early, sometimes they're late. If anyone is upset about this, no one has said anything to me.

[Red Rock]

Gift giving has been a bit of an adventure in our family.

My brothers are born Dec 13 and 15, I am Jan 4. Then throw in Christmas and New Years. By the time January comes, we have been partied out.

Other members are Oct 31, Sept 10, Oct 3.

When I was growing up, my bros has their birthday seperatly. My mom made sure they each had their special day. I can not remember what we did about cakes. That was not a problem in our house because they always were eaten with happiness.

My birthday was a whole nother matter. We had Christmas, sometimes with extened family. New Years was usually a family thing especially as we became teens. So usually the next weekend our family would celebrate my birthday. Once that was finished, the Xmas tree came down and my poor mom could relax.

Fast forward to now.....grown adult children.

My dad makes sure to visit us around the holidays. If we go on a family trip, we will do a communal birthday cake for all of us kids. Again, if we are on a trip, even xmas can be delayed sometimes due to scuba divinging or other sports. This has stemed from so many deaths in the family that I think we just appreciate each others company and having fun together. The gifts are something extra that we do for each other.

Since the brothers are close together, my dad tries to visit them, but they each still have their own day.

I hope this helps.

Red Rock

[GLC1968]

Yeah, we are lucky if we can get cards out in time for birthdays! My family is spread all over the US (from FL to OR and many in between), so things are rarely on time. I *try* to get things to the correct locations in time for Christmas, but even that misses sometimes. We all do it, so we are all ok with it. In fact, because I was actually ahead of the game, I got my mom her small (but thoughtful) mother's day gift to her two days early and my little brother got mad at me for making him look bad!

As a family, we ARE good about phone calls though. They ALWAYS happen on the right day!

[sfa]

We seem to have settled into a pattern in my family where birthdays are celebrated for immediate family who are in the area during a family get-together, either one arranged specifically for the birthday or one already planned that is just kinda close to the birthday. Often these happen weeks after the birthday, or we'll combine people who have close birthdays into one party. The "party" is casual--dinner at someone's house, or brunch on a weekend. For out of town relatives, we don't do formal celebrations, but we'll deliver gifts the next time we see that person.

On the day of someone's birthday, though, we always get in contact so they know we haven't forgotten them--a call or an email is enough, though. I don't think any of us have ever sent cards through the mail.

Sarah

[shootingstar]

We seem to have settled into a pattern in my family where birthdays are celebrated for immediate family who are in the area during a family get-together, either one arranged specifically for the birthday or one already planned that is just kinda close to the birthday. Often these happen weeks after the birthday, or we'll combine people who have close birthdays into one party. The "party" is casual--dinner at someone's house, or brunch on a weekend. For out of town relatives, we don't do formal celebrations, but we'll deliver gifts the next time we see that person.

On the day of someone's birthday, though, we always get in contact so they know we haven't forgotten them--a call or an email is enough, though. I don't think any of us have ever sent cards through the mail.

Sarah

We have done all of the above combinations. "Party" is always casual but the food dishes themselves could be quite elegant / gourmet style at times.

B-cards: actually I appreciate the occasional real b-card when the family member(s) is living far away. Card can be displayed for a few days. An email is deletable and not every family member phones one another on each other's b-day for good wishes. Family members just have different styles of communication/showing appreciation.

My parents are not computer literate and never will be. So snail cards are appreciated.

[bmccasland]

My family is spread throughout the U.S., and the closest is a 5 hour drive away.

I try to send snail-mail cards even if the person has access to a computer. I still like finding things other than bills, fliers, and magazines in my mail box; thus I think everyone appreciates it too. I will send e-cards to some friends/family but they still get a traditional card. I do my part to help keep the card companies in business.

Presents - I generally don't buy birthday presents unless it's a milestone birthday. That said, I bought a pretty necklace for my sister's birthday last night which I'll give her when I fly to see her in North Carolina next month. As for Christmas - I either buy something and ship, or utilize cataloges and have them send the present for me - usually a living blooming plant.

Last year my mother approached me with the idea of donating to a charity in the other's name instead of giving each other presents - but the rule was to pick a charity that we thought the other would support. She "gifted" me with a forest from Heifer.org, and I "gave" her a donation to a local charity that the TE ladies in Austin, TX helped me find (Mom lives in Austin). This arrangement worked perfectly for the two of us.