Things that irk...

[Veronica]

Mail addressed to me as Mrs. Husband's name.

My MIL does this all the time - even though I've told her my first name is NOT Thom. I understand that for her generation that was the proper way to address a letter to a married woman. But I don't like it. I don't derive my self worth from the fact that I'm married.

You'd think after 22 years, I could just let it go...

Veronica

[SheFly]

I'll one up you - my MOTHER does this to me! I have told her, and told her. For my first wedding, I went so far as to print wedding invitations that read, "Mr Firstname Lastname and Mrs Firstname Lastname invite you...". She still, into my second marriage, insists on addressing things to us as Mr & Mrs DH's name.

I'm right there with you - 20 years in, and I still can't fix it.

SheFly

[Veronica]

I'm weird. It's not so bad if it's addressed to both of us. But when it is JUST to me...

Veronica

[solobiker]

This happens to me too. I have only been married 12 years but my MIL always does the same: Mrs. DH's first and last name. What is up with that? She does not call me Skip when she is talking to me..

[Veronica]

It's Emily Post's fault

Never under any circumstances address a social letter or note to a married woman, even if she is a widow, as Mrs. Mary Town. A widow is still Mrs. James Town. If her son’s wife should have the same name, she becomes Mrs. James Town, Sr., or simply Mrs. Town.

That's from her 1922 book I think.

Veronica

[Crankin]

My grandmother did this for years when we were first married. Since this was long before email, every time she wrote, my husband opened up the letter because he saw HIS name!

[solobiker]

My MIL is very traditional as is my FIL. It is hard right now as they are in town visiting us for the month...they are staying with us and let me tell you my house is feeling quite small.

[OakLeaf]

My mother used to address mail to my grandmother as "Mrs. Grandfather's Firstname Lastname." My grandfather passed away before I was even born. It was creepy.

[Grog]

Coming from a place where women don't change their last name when they marry, and not having changed my name upon marriage myself, I have encountered a range of situations from awkward to funny in the past year and a half since we've been married. Most people have been respectful of my will to be called by my last name, but not everyone knows how to handle that.

The funniest one I've seen is an invitation to
Mr. MyHusbandFirstName HisLastName & Mrs. MyFirstName MyLastName

as if I was married to someone else. (I believe the proper way would be Ms. SoAndSo).

I also regularly receive mail for Mrs. MyLastName, a common consequence of writing my name as Madame in French, which gets translated into Mrs. automatically by most databases. Before we were married, my now mother-in-law stumbled upon a plane ticket under Mrs. MyLastName. She wondered for a while if I had been married before to Mr. MyLastName...

[channlluv]

I use both names, depending on the situation I'm in, mainly because DH of 13 1/2 years and I have a daughter who has his last name and it's easier on her at school if Mom is Mrs. Herlastname, too. However, in professional circles, I use my maiden name because I have a publishing record and a Masters in that name, and a professional reputation as a public speaker/teacher/workshop leader to maintain, and people would trip all over DH's five-syllable Hawaiian last name. Even my close personal friends don't attempt it.

His mom often calls me by the name she and I share, though, Mrs. Hislastname (which is also his father's last name, and so is her last name, too), usually grinning like it's some kind of private joke. She's funny that way.

As long as we're living in a patriarchal society, we're just going to have to put up with it, I think.

Roxy

[jobob]

The funniest one I've seen is an invitation to
Mr. MyHusbandFirstName HisLastName & Mrs. MyFirstName MyLastName

as if I was married to someone else.

I got that too - at my niece's wedding. My brother's daughter so my last name is the same as theirs.

Yet, the invitation came addressed as Mrs. MyLastName (in my sister-in-law's handwriting, no less), plus, since I did a reading during the ceremony, it was printed up that way in the program.

[Selkie]

Mail addressed to me as Mrs. Husband's name.

My MIL does this all the time - even though I've told her my first name is NOT Thom. I understand that for her generation that was the proper way to address a letter to a married woman. But I don't like it. I don't derive my self worth from the fact that I'm married.

You'd think after 22 years, I could just let it go...

Veronica

Don't feel bad - I feel the same way, after 20 years of experiencing something similar. I kept my maiden name. Some members of my DH's immediate family -- including his 23 year old NIECE -- insist on calling me Mrs. Brian XXXXXX or Suzanne XXXXXXX. It's annoying.