My Heart is Breaking

[GraysonKelly]

Hi,
I'm sorry if this becomes really long but I just can't keep this inside and maybe some of you here will be able to send some positive thoughts and maybe some suggestions.

My 18 month old niece who means everything in the world to me and my family is probably going to end up being forced spend time with the biological a$$ that unfortunately contributed in making her. This man is abusive, cold, and abandoned her for the first year and half of her life. And you know what all the lawyers I've talked to have said? They've said that basically there isn't a damn thing my sister can do to stop this from happening. That he will actually have to hurt, abuse, and neglect my niece in such a way that is "admissible evidence" before they will keep him away from her. He even threatened to kidnap her at one point. He's a bum. Has no job. No money and paid for the lawyer with a credit card.

Why is it that we can't protect kids? Why is it that the "system" will allow a child to be put into a dangerous situation because of biology? Why? I just do not understand. He walked away from my sis when she was 6 mos pregnant and she simply picked up her life and did what was right for her daughter.

How many chances do parents really get to protect their children? How many times does a child get hurt or sick or abused or abandoned or a million other things and parent's wish that they could have stopped or prevented it but couldn't? Why does my niece have to suffer at the hands of that idiot before the courts will see? It doesn't make any sense to me. None at all.

Is there proof that he was abusive? No, because he left her and she left to take care of her baby so it wasn't reported. Is there documented proof of his abandonment? Yes. Is there proof of his threats? Yes. But according to the lawyers since it's "just" my sister he threatened that's not enough to keep him away from her and sever his rights.

Why!?! Why can't we protect kids before they are hurt? Why do they have to be hurt before we can do anything???
Gray

[wnyrider]

Due to the age of your niece and the lack of previous contacts by the biological parent, supervised visitation should be requested and is usually granted until a routine has been established. As you have discovered, you can not prevent the visits from taking place, but you can cooperate in a way that can attempt to protect your niece. There are many agencies that can advocate for her and/or provide a place for visitation to take place where the interaction can be observed and documented. Also, more importantly, your niece is not too young to learn about proper touching, how to communicate if something were to occur and have someplace to allow this communication to take place that is positively proactive. Now is the time to invest in finding the resources for her.

[GraysonKelly]

Hi,
I asked about supervised visitation and the lawyer I spoke to snarkily replied, "Did your sister have to be supervised before she was left alone to parent the child?" I didn't appreciate that.

I do appreciate your advice. What kind of agencies could advocate for her? What do you mean advocate?

My niece does not talk at all. She communicates through sign (she's not deaf or have any other disabilities, she just doesn't want to talk...that's what the expert said anyway) She does very well with her signing, but she uses sign approximation...what kinds of things should we be teaching her to protect herself? She knows how to sign "help" and uses it appropriately. Is there anything else?

Gray

[Biciclista]

If he's not the nurturing type, he's going to get tired really fast of dealing with this child. Likely the child will be plopped into the arms of a mom or a girlfriend.
You will be able to tell quickly if the child is unhappy with daddy.

Sadly, too many people use children as their way of fighting their ex.
Hopefully this guy will get tired of it quickly.

Your sister needs a better lawyer. sadly, that's how things get done in this country. spend as much $$ for a lawyer as you can, it's worth it.

[pardes]

Just start making calls to all state agencies. Believe me, someone who is calm and continues to call WILL get heard. Remain calm and firm and expect and demand an investigation. Start with Child Protective Services, even if you've called them before. They cannot and will not ignore multiple calls...they are required to document such calls. Call at different times of the day and speak to different people. Call her school. Write calm letters requesting help.

As hard as it may be, stay calm yet assertive and make it clear that you will not rest until she is safe and gets the help she needs.

Not even the most hardened official can deny someone trying to protect a child who will not give up.

[GraysonKelly]

Just start making calls to all state agencies. Believe me, someone who is calm and continues to call WILL get heard. Remain calm and firm and expect and demand an investigation. Start with Child Protective Services, even if you've called them before. They cannot and will not ignore multiple calls...they are required to document such calls. Call at different times of the day and speak to different people. Call her school. Write calm letters requesting help.

As hard as it may be, stay calm yet assertive and make it clear that you will not rest until she is safe and gets the help she needs.

Not even the most hardened official can deny someone trying to protect a child who will not give up.

Which state? Sister and niece live in one state and he lives in another. Which state agencies do i contact? Can I conact them or does my sister have to do it? I am so willing to do this.

[shootingstar]

I'm not clear which state your sister lives in...but this national site which is a non-profit organization representing state funded legal aid organizations, might list the state of residency for sis...

This is only an alternative option..while/if she pursues child protective services in her state.

The sooner she initiate assistance from government and legal authorities, the better. She needs to be persistent in her search for help.