Mental Depression preventing me cycling

[kajero]

I have become extremely depressed and can't even get motivated to get on the bicycle. The one time I managed to go for a ride I was miserable and couldn't enjoy it no matter how hard I tried so I just came home after about five miles. It didn't make much sense riding when it wasn't any fun.

I take anti-depressants and do have an appointment with my doctor next week, but I don't even know if this will help. Even if I try a new medication, it will take weeks before it is effective.

I am in some very precarious situations at home and at work which I don't see getting solved any time soon.

I even dread going to the spin classes I take. I do go them, but wish they were over before they start. In fact, I didn’t even bother to go the last two classes.

Please help me figure out how to again enjoy something I really to love to do. Winter is around the corner.

[Blueberry]

No advice to offer - just hugs. That sucks....

Glad you're going to your Doc next week - sounds like he/she should be able to do something to help! Is there anything else you enjoy? Hiking? Walking? Something that would perhaps be lower pressure for the time being?

CA

[TahoeDirtGirl]

Meditation and a dog helped me through some rough times. I never tried antidepressants because I just didn't want to. Being around positive people really, really, really helped me as well. Here's a hug to get you through..

[makbike]

Do you have a friend who could go to spin class with you or ride with you? Sometimes simply having someone around to motivate you is the best medicine. Keep your appoint and be honest with your doctor. Do you see a counselor? Talking to someone totally removed from the situation is often very helpful. Do you have any pets? How about taking the dog for a walk on a daily basis? No dog, how about you borrow a friend's and ask permission to walk it each day.

Hang in there!

[Tokie]

It sounds like you are very depressed, and need professional help to get back to your old self. I hope you are able to see a psychiatrist or other licensed mental health care professional to get you through this hard time. I know my primary care MD will prescribe anti-depressants, but when you are this stuck in a bad place, you really need someone specialized to see you through your funk! I've been there myself, and slogged to the gym working out, telling myself - I just need endorphins to get myself out of this -. I too grew to hate my usually much enjoyed workout routine. Focus on getting the help you need, and your love and enjoyment of everything in life will come back. It sounds like you need to see someone to help you - right now- not in a few weeks. I know it's hard to ask for help. Hang in there! Tokie

[Miranda]

Awe (((hugs)))... Well, I know I have certainly been where you are. Good that you are going to see the doc soon. I agree with the other posts about mixing things up if you can. And for me, animals & nature are a help... something about them is just so pure and simple, it's cleansing, IMHO.

To me, one theory I had about hating my bike and spinning was that it was part of my "usual life". My "usual life" wasn't going so great. So, anything "usual" (including the bike & spin) was not happy "work". Try out a new class you have never did before. Or, get a guest pass to a totally new gym.

I have a new puppy now with the passing of my dog this summer. Taking her out in the woods to walk just freed me. Animals ask so little of their people, yet give so much back. If you can't/don't own one, go visit or borrow one.

We can't have a cat due to allergies in the house. I visit them at the shelter. When I was feeling like my life was limited, it made me feel better to give a short period of joy to another living creature's life that was way more limited than mine.

The duck/geese feeding folks at the parks become scarce in the cold, just go sit and give them some old bread. Visit a zoo. I feed the wild birds in my backyard too. Last year I bought a heated bird bath. Most people don't realize it's very hard for them to find water in winter. I own an ID book, but you can check it out for free at the library, or use the net. They will come to look forward to seeing you.

I guess the short of the wind above is: find something that helps give your life a new purpose for "being" .

EDIT: Lastly... after a while, you might find that those old "work" things NOW, like the bike and spin, somehow become new again after a break. FWIW... maybe a bit of hope.

[denny]

I think I understand how you may be feeling. I had an acute depressive episode last year. I wasn't cycling at the time, but I did indoor spinning (with some really great music and fantastic instructor) to get me through the worst of it. In fact Spin class was the only thing I actually looked forward to for a while. Unfortunately, I had to stop spinning for a while because it was facilitating a rapid weight loss (20 lbs) at the time that I couldn't afford to lose off my 140 lb frame at 5'8". Spinning seemed to be the only thing to get me outside my head at the time and I had to give it up for 2 months to preserve energy that I was rapidly losing in panic/anxiety attacks and depression. You should have seen me with my nose pressed against the window during class sessions with that pitiful look of "I wish I could be with you all".

I can tell you that IT WILL eventually get better. Excercising increases your chance of beating depression as you may not feel in control of your circumstances but the mental will to complete a pretty hard hill climb or all out sprint on your bike takes you outside the confusion and self defeating thoughts in your head. As another poster stated, try to be around positive, loving, encouraging people at this time. Do not berate or bash yourself for being depressed. It happens to even the strongest people and is not a sign of weakness!!

What started as the ultimate nightmare for me actually ended up showing me just how much kindness, compassion and goodness can be out there from people I didn't know or expect to ever meet. It may take a while for your meds to work and that in itself can be discouraging and downright scary as you may (or not) experience symptoms you may not have expected, but always remember that you won't feel this way forever.

If you don't want to get on your bike or do spin classes, please try another method of excercise. Walk out there in nature. The natural endorphins released during physical exertion is clinically shown to improve your recovery rate it also helps to counteract the inevitable feeling of being in a stupor like state at times. Do not be shy to tell your prescribing physician if the meds are not working!!! Everyone is different!

You stated that you are in a situation that you don't see changing. Ditto been there as well, but make sure you examine if that is truly the case and not just merely in a state of decision paralysis that can hold you hostage too. If at all possible, find a great counselor that you feel comfortable talking with. If you don't feel they are willing to ask the hard questions(as I found a lot of them are) don't be shy about switching to another provider.

Most importantly remind yourself, that this too shall pass and you are still a strong ,wonderful person despite your current circumstances. You will triumph past this season in your life and ultimately come out of it even stronger in heart. Trust in God that he will make it true for you as well.

Hope knowing that you are not alone, helps even a teeny bit. Hugs and encouragement from Atlanta! I'm rooting for you and keeping you in my prayers.

[pardes]

Your genuine appeal for support during your depression really touches me and as you can see it touches others here.

There is no easy and quick solution to dealing with depression. Saying anything pollyanna-ish would be an insult to you and others who are dealing with this very REAL and very DEBILITATING condition.

All I can say is know that you've been heard, and know that we are thinking about you, and know that we are here.

Here is one odd thing that helped me so much when I was depressed while caring for my dying mother. So many family issues surfaced during that time like dealing with my brother who sexually abused me as a child. I almost drowned in the overwhelming feelings raised. I was very angry at my mother for never defending me and never discussing the subject, and yet I understood why, and yet I didn't, and she was senile and accusing me of untold horrible deeds. It was just WAY WAY too miuch to deal with.

A hospice counselor was helping me vent and just happened to ask the question to tell her something about my childhood that was a visually or emotionally positive image.

I remembered the cellar steps in our house with shelves lining the walls where Mom put up canned tomatoes, peaches, corn, everything from the garden and orchard. It was the most beautiful and comforting sight to see all of those mason jars lined up in a beautiful array of colors. We were poor and Mom was determined to get us through the winter with healthy food canned with her own hands.

I'm sorry to run on, but the point is that in the continuing emotional horrors that continued till the death of Mom, when I didn't think I could bear one more thing, I would remember the mason jars of love. Absolutely nothing else worked for me, not meds, not therapists, not trying to rest, not trying to put on a happy face. The colorful mason jars of love did it though.

So when the depression grips you with strangling strength, find an image that comforts you and hold it in your mind. This is not a weakness to do this. This is finding the bottomless pit of hope and love and beauty that is within us all and which sustains us.

[kajero]

Thank ALL of you for such wonderful help and support. It is nice to know that so many of you have dealt and are willing to help me deal with this. I don't want to give up my bike riding because I know I enjoy it; I just have to find some way to "let" myself enjoy it again. I'll try and keep you posted on how things turn out.

Thanks so much again. This is such a wonderful site.

To me, one theory I had about hating my bike and spinning was that it was part of my "usual life". My "usual life" wasn't going so great. So, anything "usual" (including the bike & spin) was not happy "work". Try out a new class you have never did before. Or, get a guest pass to a totally new gym.

I guess the short of the wind above is: find something that helps give your life a new purpose for "being" .

EDIT: Lastly... after a while, you might find that those old "work" things NOW, like the bike and spin, somehow become new again after a break. FWIW... maybe a bit of hope.

The thought about "usual life" is something I never thought about before.

[Tuckervill]

It sounds like you are very depressed, and need professional help to get back to your old self. I hope you are able to see a psychiatrist or other licensed mental health care professional to get you through this hard time. I know my primary care MD will prescribe anti-depressants, but when you are this stuck in a bad place, you really need someone specialized to see you through your funk! I've been there myself, and slogged to the gym working out, telling myself - I just need endorphins to get myself out of this -. I too grew to hate my usually much enjoyed workout routine. Focus on getting the help you need, and your love and enjoyment of everything in life will come back. It sounds like you need to see someone to help you - right now- not in a few weeks. I know it's hard to ask for help. Hang in there! Tokie

Just wanted to +1 this excellent advice. When the whole world looks gloomy, it's time to get intense help. If you wait, it likely will get worse, not better. If you have trouble making the phone calls to get the help, ask someone you love and trust to do it for you. It's important. You are important.

We want you to feel better. The people you love want you to feel better. Don't give up. Keep going. PM me if you want.

Karen

[OakLeaf]

(((((kajero)))))

Tokie, Pardes and Crankin have great advice. Just getting outside - even if it's downtown and not in "nature" - will get you in sunlight, which is definitely involved in mood regulation, whether or not you experience seasonal changes. Even when it's cloudy, you'll still get way more of the natural spectrum by being outdoors than you will indoors.

Also, no one's mentioned journaling, and I'm awful about sticking with that myself, but it's always cathartic when I do it. Lots of studies have shown that people who journal regularly are healthier both mentally and in terms of their immune system.

Another thing that helps me is to just force myself to stick to a routine. If I go to the gym, or for a ride, or whatever, EVERY day at 9 a.m. (or 6 p.m. or whatever), then I don't have to make decisions about whether to go or not. I just go. You can still incorporate active rest days into a rigid routine (which is important). If it's cycling, you can cruise; if it's the gym, you can do a Pilates or yoga class instead of cardio or high-intensity strength; if it's running, you can walk. It can take a few weeks to really ingrain a routine into your life, but once it's there, it actually takes less mental energy to do it than to depart from your routine.

Sending lots of hugs and sunshine your way. PM me if you want.

[tulip]

Just wanted to +1 this excellent advice. When the whole world looks gloomy, it's time to get intense help. If you wait, it likely will get worse, not better. If you have trouble making the phone calls to get the help, ask someone you love and trust to do it for you. It's important. You are important.

We want you to feel better. The people you love want you to feel better. Don't give up. Keep going. PM me if you want.

Karen

+1000. Sometimes we need help and can't do it by ourselves. Yes, get out in the fresh air and sunshine, but do call someone SOON so you can get the help that you need.

Best wishes and big hugs,
tulip

[denny]

I'm the last Pollyanna standing. Don't be afraid to lean on supportive family and friends at this time. My sister who works in a psych practice was the one to make the calls when I didn't have the energy or humility to say I needed more help (Cause I'm a strong, smart, sassy woman who didn't need anyone) Stupid huh?

I agree with the previous poster, don't wait to see how long it will take for you to feel better. If you injured a part of your body that threatened your life or limb, the likelihood is you would take steps to ensure your survival.
Your brain is an organ that is threatened by illness right now. Your chances of a successful recovery are improved with early intervention coupled with cognitive therapy. If cycling no longer "lights you on fire" and I'm not referring to muscle burning or the fiery crotch from a bad saddle either then find that thing that helps you to feel alive, hopeful and anticipating of a great change or new beginning.

It's been 13 months and 4 days since my episode and I know I'm still in the process of recovery. One thing that helps a lot (assuming you aren't already doing so) is for you to journal your thoughts and feelings. It's a nice uncensored way to just scream and cry no one has to know that you just thoroughly told them off on paper and they were totally in awe,speechless and humbled by your right-on insight. Can you tell that there are days I can hardly wait to write in my journal?

All kidding aside you've received such warm, wonderful, supportive advice from these ladies that I know that you'll pull through. This Pollyanna hopes you will find 1 thing that makes your heart and soul smile today.

Hugs.

[Velobambina]

Kajero

Sending lots of good karma your way. Do what's right for you but first and foremost, take care of yourself. You are worth it.

I hope Pardes' wolf-dog finds her way to you and gives you comfort and strength.

Pardes - I don't think you were hallucinating and you can bet that wolf-dog is watching over you.

[planetluvver]

Kajero,

By definition, if cycling made you feel better, than you wouldn't be depressed. Just try to remember that there is no reason for you not to enjoy cycling again, once your depression remits. Now if you had the flu, or a broken leg, you would not be surprised that you are unable to cycle, let alone enjoy it. But depression can often rob one of even remembering a time when there was anything else, other than the depression.

By all means, continue to pursue the activities that gave you joy, and continue whatever routines you can to keep your life going in the meantime, to whatever extant you are able. But when the depression robs you of joy in the present, remember that your belief in a joyless future is also a symptom of the depression.

Please, get whatever help you can to overcome this depression. Just the fact that you have posted this thread shows that you are still able to muster efforts to control this beast.