Venting a personal problem....

[froglegs]

I don't feel like talking to anyone I know in "real life" about this yet, so here goes:

My mom and stepdad have decided to separate. They have been married for nearly 20 years, since I was a child. I have known for several months that this was a possibility, but it is still difficult to hear that the decision has been made.

I found out via my sister, I missed a call from my mom today and haven't called her back yet.

They live in a different state and I haven't seen them in several months. My sister and I are going up there for a few days this weekend (this was previously planned). My sister says they want to have a "discussion" about it while we are there.

I want to be by myself and speak to no one for several days. I don't want to get mad at my parents because I'm sure they already feel guilty enough, but I am sure this will happen if they try to make me "discuss" anything..... which they will..... since I will be trapped for 3 days in their house, with no bike, and only running shoes to escape in, and I can't even run that much because I am tapering for my 1/2 marathon. Crap.

[mimitabby]

hey, i'm sorry. I can imagine how hard and disappointing this is. Sounds like they are being civilized about it at least.
You can talk about it here all you want. good luck this weekend.

[Brandi]

I don't know if this helps but they aren't divorcing you. Just eachother. And they wouldn't want you to be in a relationship that was not making you happy right? I come from several divorces with my mom. And my first step dad was really my real dad and to be honest I got tired of them hating eachother so ater 17 years they split. But my mom has now been married 4 times. After the she split from my 2nd dad I just am numb about it. If you need to talk feel free to pm me.

[Tuckervill]

Can you just make an excuse and not go? Postpone?

What would they want to discuss? Life insurance or something? Maybe your step-dad wants to reassure you how much he loves you. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing?

My husband is my two older son's stepdad, since they were 5 and 7. I imagine if we divorced they would still want to have contact with him (as long as the divorce was amicable and he didn't cheat on me or something, in which case they'd be pissed). I would want them to have contact with him. For him, it would be like losing 3 members of his family, not just one. So, perhaps you can try to look at it from their point of view for a while.

Plus, you have a few days to be by yourself and not talk to anyone before you go, don't you? Concentrate your feelings during this time, and then plan lots of shopping with your sister or something while at your parents'.

Sorry you're feeling so poorly about it. Hope it gets better for you.

Karen

[mimitabby]

My mother was married several times too. But the only one I really cared about was when she and my father split up.
After that, they were just step fathers who didn't really amount to anything in my life.
Her last husband (present now) is a very good man, but I was already married with kids when she found him.
A long time ago i figured out it was about her, not me. For most of the Christmases in my childhood I prayed for my parents to get back together (I watched the Parent trap) it was not to be.
Perhaps that's a good thing.

[froglegs]

Well I guess the upside of all of this is that my mom wants to move back here. I am still going on the trip mostly because I want to see my grandma, who lives with them, and my sister, who lives several hours away from me.

Fortunately since I am now an adult, there will not be severe consequences for me like those caused by the first (mom/dad) split. I realize that they need to do what they need to do to be happy, but it still sucks, and it makes me wonder how I'm going to feel about my own marriage in 5, 10, 25 years. My stepdad has been in my life since I was five years old and that's not going to change. So between my various family factions and my husband's (fortunately intact) family, there will now have to be some sort of lottery system to decide who to spend holidays with.

What I am not looking forward to is having to tell or answer (or refuse to answer) questions from various friends and family members who will be completely shocked by this.