Mind Games

[Dogmama]

I wish I had 3 more hours in every day or needed less sleep. I'm going through such guilt - and I usually feel it around El Tour time. When I was single, I could train for El Tour, take a couple of classes and work 40 plus hours/week. I got married six years ago and life has become increasingly complicated.

This year has been really bad. My husband had surgery for colon cancer and the complications lasted until now. He has a huge hernia that will need surgery in November (El Tour time.)

Frankly, I am exploring additional interests. Yoga, weight lifting and I'd love to start pilates. We have an especially good spinning instructor at my gym now too.

The fact is, I'm 50 years old & the bod can only handle so much these days. Stress (physical, mental and spiritual) seem to require more recooperation time.

Yet, I look at my custom bike (that I've had 10 years & have put 30-40,000 miles on) and think - I really *should* be out training for El Tour (109 mile ride in November.) Training means Sunday is essentially gone. Riding 70-90 miles in the morning tends to wipe me out for the rest of the day.

Even writing this, it seems silly. But, my mind plays these games with me. Anybody else go through this stuff?

[Veronica]

Forget about training for the the Tour. It sounds like it's not what you really want to be doing right now. Go out and enjoy riding 30 - 40 miles or whatever. You've got enough on your plate that you don't need the added challenge of training for a long ride. You're doing enough physically that you'll maintain your current fitness level. And don't feel guilty about not doing it.

Yeah, I do the mind game thing too. I'm supposed to be riding the Knoxville staff ride next weekend. 195 miles, 12,000 feet of climb, in one day. I don't feel ready for it, I'm kind of dreading it. I know I'm not in shape to finish it strong or maybe even at all. I was excited to see that rain was forecast for next weekend, so then I wouldn't have to do it. When they downgraded it to only partly cloudy, I was disappointed. That's not a good attitude to have.


Yesterday I decided to bag it. At first I felt kind of wimpy about it, but I'd rather be out on my new mountain bike right now on the weekends. And our weekends have been so packed lately and work kind of stinks. I'd like a little down time. It would take me at least 18 hours to finish the ride, if I pushed myself to do it and I'd be dead for the next few days after. It's just not worth it.

Sounds like you're in the same kind of place. There's always next year.

Veronica

[Trek420]

Dogmama,

I'm so sorry to hear that your husband's ill, I hope his surgery, teatment and full recovery go well.

When my Dad was in the final stages of cancer my Mom's efforts to care for him were nothing short of heroic but she learned and we all did that it's essential to carve out some time for oneself.

I hope you'll take some time to ride, reflect, relaxe. Caretaking a loved one is so hard.

Funny, I thought couples have an easier time biking; help with filling the water bottles, topping off the tires and my personal favorite now, getting the bike on the roof rack. On the other hand I don't have to check with anyone, if I wanna ride, i ride. Do you think your life got complicated because you got married or is it the cancer?

> Frankly, I am exploring additional interests. Yoga, weight lifting and I'd love to start pilates. We have an especially good spinning instructor at my gym now too.

Those are fine, they all take time too. I'm 48 and rest and crosstraining are important, can't just go out and beat myself up anymore or skip rest days and warm ups. I do a tiny bit of yoga, spinning's ok but nothing beats riding or makes me feel better.

> Yet, I look at my custom bike (that I've had 10 years & have put 30-40,000 miles on) and think - I really *should* be out training for El Tour (109 mile ride in November.) Training means Sunday is essentially gone. Riding 70-90 miles in the morning tends to wipe me out for the rest of the day.

> Even writing this, it seems silly.

Not silly at all, c'mon Dogmama, let's get out and ride today

[pedalfaster]

Dogmama, thanks for starting this thread and thanks to the other posters for your insightful replies.

I think the idea of "balance" really hit home for me.

Over a year ago I decided to quit racing and quit "training".

I wanted to do more casual rides with friends.

I wanted more time to hike with my dog, cook, paint and do yoga.

I started counting other forms of gentle movement as "exercise" and as long as I incorporated some form of "moving" into my daily life I didn't stress about missing a "workout".

I think that you should explore those other interests. Spend time with your loved one(s). Do what makes you happy and content right now, at this moment and place in your life.

When it is time to return to the bike, you'll know.

[Dogmama]

You guys are so great!!! I feel much much better. I'm going to keep riding - but I don't feel like I *MUST* train for anything. Riding for my own enjoyment -- what a concept!

This has been the Year from Hell. My husband's colon cancer was quite advanced and he landed back in the hospital two more times with staph-resistant infections and dehydration from chemo. He now has a hernia the size of a football below his sternum but cannot be operated on until the chemo clears his system (at least another month.) On top of that, my job could easily consume 60-80 hours/week if I let it. Budget cuts have taken their toll.

So, beating the crap out of myself (which is what it felt like) just was not appealing. Some nice relaxing yoga, spinning (read: no traffic), weight lifting just seemed much nicer.

And on being thankful that it rained --- wow -- I thought I was the only one! Not always - but sometimes I'm just glad that I have an "excuse" to stay indoors, go to the gym (I read on the moving stairs) and enjoy the cool weather.

So, thanks for the validation! I really needed it!

[yogabear]

Hi,

Just wanted to ditto what everyone else said. I also want to send well wishes to your husband...I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers at this time.

I think a lot of us as women and cyclists believe that we have to be perfect in all things, all the time. It's hard for us to seek that balance, but I think it's very necessary...if we don't find it on our own, we are often "forced" to find it in another way at times. I myself was away from racing for a few years and have decided to train again in a structured way. Even though I am 32, my joints rebell when I lift weights, so I decided I enjoy yoga and pilates more for my strengthening. I think we have to go with what works for us, whether in biking or in life. I tend to see everything in cycles. Sometimes, we bike a lot and sometimes, we don't. It's all good

Honor and trust yourself and your body's inner wisdom and also what your spirit needs at this time. Please take care of yourself too

Sending hugs,

Lisa

[pkq]

Godspeed to your hubby Dogmama!

Don't work too hard.

Never ride because you feel compelled to and you'd feel crappy about it. Always ride for enjoyment. After all, that's what got us hooked in the first place, the joy of the ride.

[JanT]

Yoga Bear hit the nail on the head, about some of us athletes trying to "be perfect." When I was a distance runner, my training schedule consumed me. Cancer treatment forced me to let it go. Sometimes these kind of life events have a message, if we listen. My problem is that even though I've heard the message, I still find my self slipping into the rut again. My work compulsions are impinging on family and biking, and this thread is a reminder to get back to the middle. Thanks to everyone for good ideas!

[Veronica]

Jan you're a teacher a too right? Resist the compulsion to spend too many hours at work. There's always more that can be done when you're a teacher. It's like dishes or laundry - never ending.

My entire district is down in the dumps - no money, staff has been cut to the bare minimum, new very intensive language arts program, everyone has more responsibilities and less time. I'm trying to convert them all to my new attitude "Who GAS" as in who gives a s**t. Which translates to, work gets X number of hours a day, (varies depending on weather and Thom's schedule) that's it. I do the most pressing stuff - generally related to doing right by my students and everything else - Who GAS!

V.

[Trek420]

the wisdom of Veronica "my new attitude "Who GAS" as in who gives a s**t. Which translates to, work gets X number of hours a day, (varies depending on weather and Thom's schedule) that's it."

another saying that needs to be on a jersey!!

[Dogmama]

I also work in education (University) and we've been cut to the bone too. When I get pressured, I have to remember that I have the big picture - not the faculty member who is in my office & thinks his/her problem should displace everything else.

Then, of course, there's the folks in administration - who email my boss when I haven't "hopped to" fast enough for them. Office email is evil. Cowards hide behind the "send" button.

The key is to keep our own integrity intact. We should not allow others to dictate our priorities. My sanity is my priority right now.

After all, how many people laid on their death bed & wondered what was in their "in" basket?