DH Health Issues... How do you cope?

[Haudlady]

Hello everybody... Well, I'm looking for some advice. I was surprised to discover this week that I have thyroid problems (nothing major, but I expected a clean bill of health). This was a little unnerving... I think of myself as a healthy person and it was a bit shocking to have evidence that, at 31, my body is changing.

I've been talking about the thyroid thing, and aging, and about how people didn't used to live as long, and about a friend who died suddenly, with DH since yesterday when I got the news......

This morning, while I was brushing my teeth and he was ironing his shirt DH started crying... He told me that he has had blood in his stool off and on for 'about a year' and that he's very worried (his paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother both had colon cancer), sometimes his stomach hurts, and he is afraid he should go to the doctor. I stayed with him while he called the clinic and set the appointment - he's going in this afternoon. He's only 34. He's very scared (and, truth be told, so am I).

There's a part of me that really wanted to scold him - what was he thinking? A problem like that, and he waits a year to mention it? There's another part of me that understands... if he doesn't say it out loud then maybe it's not real.

I'm hoping that everything is all fine, but I am worried. It's hard, too, because DH and I are very private people. I don't feel like there is anyone that I am comfortable talking about this with...

What do you do to cope with stuff like this? I'm trying deep breathing.

[mimitabby]

You got him to call the Doctor. That's the most important thing you could have done (well, except make him GO to the Dr and then DO all the nasty things
the dr wants him to do)

My Dh has a funny way of approaching things he doesn't want to do.
On the bike; he can do anything. but pushups? "ow, my shoulder hurts"

a stretching exercise right out of bicycling magazine "ow, my neck hurts"
it goes on and on, all the things he won't do.

BE FIRM. BE GENTLE. and take deep breaths.

[Duck on Wheels]

I definitely empathize with you both. To take your dh's side ... I did the same. I had symptoms of ... well, it could have been many things, but turned out to be Crohns Disease and the symptoms were the same as your dh's: blood in stools, abdominal pain, also some you didn't mention such as increasing diarrhea (SO much easier to spell in Norwegian ). I had the symptoms for 2 years, but convinced myself that they weren't really important. I'd been pregnant when they started, so first I thought it was maybe due to the pregnancy. Then my baby had blood in his stools too and I was told that it didn't signify anything, so I took that to be true for me as well even though deep down I knew that pediatric and adult symptoms are very different. Finally it got to where I was having trouble getting through a day's work, so I looked up the symptoms in a book (I worked at a hospital research institute, so we had lots of medical reference books handy) and found out that those symptoms indicated I should be examined IMMEDIATELY because at least one possible diagnosis was potentially lethal if not treated early. Well, I was lucky. I got only ("only") the second or third most serious diagnosis. It wasn't colon cancer, it was Crohns. It could also have been something even less serious, such as hemeroids (sp?). I've also since learned that even the scariest of the possible diagnoses -- colon cancer -- has a high cure rate if caught before it spreads. So ...

my message to you for now is to try not to worry too much before the diagnosis is made. You've done the right thing in making the appointment, but there ARE other possible causes for this than cancer, and even if it is colon cancer there is a good survival rate nowadays. Try to keep your spirits up, and we'll all pitch in and hope along with you.

[LBTC]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Haudlady}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

First, I'd like to reassure you that his symptom could be caused by other things that are not cancer. For instance, I've been diagnosed with Crohn's disease. It's not cancer, and it is manageable. His symptoms could indicate this disease or something else entirely. No matter what, you've both taken the right first step to go to a doctor and find out what is going on! It's a hard thing for people to talk about, for sure, so it is understandable why he's left it so long. Try not to be angry about that...it would be easy to be so, but it won't help with healing!

Second, know that your support is a huge factor in his healing. No matter what they find, you'll be beside him and with him every step of this journey. You may have some times when it's hard to be the positive gentle support you need to be for him, so, please, when you're worried, post here so we can help you with that!!

Thirdly, I think this sheds some light on the other thread you started...an issue like this, kept private from your SO provides for all sorts of isolation and very little intimacy. You obviously love each other very much. This health crisis will lead you to a stronger and deeper love that neither of you realized could be possible. I was going through this a year ago last fall. DH had to find out if the lump was testicular cancer or not. Thankfully, it was not!! It was hard to be upbeat with him all the time, but it was my primary focus. I leaned heavily on the girls here at TE and on some of my girlfriends in RL. I just needed to talk things through sometimes....it was frightening, but it was so helpful to have the girls beside me through it all!

Lastly, ask the girls at TE for their positive energy, prayers and good wishes for his health. I've done it, and my DH was amazingly touched. He's still convinced that all that energy changed his outcome!

I'm sending lots of healing energy and butterflies to make sure the doctors find out what it is as quickly and as painlessly as possible! I'll send more once we know what he's dealing with.

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[mtbdarby]

((Haudlady)),
LBTC is right on - please share with us and openly receive the outpouring of prayers, hugs, well wishes, etc. that will come your way. Keep us posted and good luck!

Did you get your thyroid tests redone? I get to go give blood today to get mine checked......

[spokewench]

Haudlady - All my prayers are going out to you and your DH. It is scary not knowing. I'm glad you got him to go to the doctor immediately. It's hard to wait, but you are doing what you can to find out what is going on. Have faith, it will be okay.

[Bikingmomof3]

(((((Haudlady)))))) I shall be keeping you and your DH in my prayers.

[five one]

You've received some very good advice from the others here. I know exactly what you are feeling right now. My DH is a two time lymphoma survivor (15 years!) We have been through some very scary and rocky times because of this. Chemo, remission, relapse, bone marrow transplant is the short story, followed by a horrible case of shingles on his face which destroyed the optic nerve and tear duct in his left eye. The kids were in grade school and middle school back then. I lived on pins and needles much of the time, but tried to keep things as normal as possible for them. Since so much time has gone by now, my subconscious has conveniently tucked away much of the day to day struggles, but what remains with me is that I always had the belief that no matter what we had to go through, he would get well again. Looking back, it was probably naive to think that, but it's what helped me cope. We are also very private and didn't want to participate in cancer support groups, though I know they are helpful to many. DH firmly believed he would fight and win the battle - and he did. "It's not what happens to you, it's what you do about it" is a quote that helped him in that fight.

The important thing for you and your DH right now is that the doctor's appointment has been made. You've taken the first step. Hopefully a diagosis won't take long and then you can deal with it, whatever it is, together.

Going through all that we did actually strengthened our relationship and love for each other and a lot of positive things happened to us as a result, not the least of which is cycling.

Sending positive vibes your way. Please let us know how things go today. You have a great support group here in the forums.

Virginia

[Dianyla]

There's a part of me that really wanted to scold him - what was he thinking? A problem like that, and he waits a year to mention it? There's another part of me that understands... if he doesn't say it out loud then maybe it's not real.

I can definitely empathize - I would feel like smacking him upside the head!! However, as already mentioned, he's already stressing himself out so much because of this that you just need to remember that it's "Better late than never" and just keep supporting and encouraging him to face this and get it taken care of.

Maybe, once things have settled down again, you could sit him down and have a heart to heart talk. As husband and wife, you do owe it to eachother to try to take care of yourself and eachother so that you can have a long and happy life together.

[Thistle]

He's very scared (and, truth be told, so am I).

What do you do to cope with stuff like this? I'm trying deep breathing.

It would be really scary Haudlady... but i just want reiterate what the others have said, it's not always the worst case, and even if it is, that doesnt mean you cant recover. A 50 something guy i worked with had the same symptoms as your hubby and did nothing for a year. Turned out he did have colon cancer, and they operated, removed some, he had chemo and now he's doing fine! And he's a bike rider

So, even if it's serious, which it may or may not be, it can be treated.

Thinking of you and hoping you get some answers soon, cos the waiting must be the worst part.

Thea

[Offthegrid]

I think when it has to do with issues ... of the toilet nature ... people are much more private than other things. If he had these same symptoms, say, about his shoulder, he probably would have gotten it check out a long time ago.

My newly discovered problems with gluten are well-known around here, but I've had loose stools and diarrhea for years before I mentioned to my doctor, and I only did that when it progressed to a level where it was 5-6 times a day. And even then I kept telling myself I just had some bad lettuce. Why? I dunno. Embarrassment. Fear of cancer. Fear of doctors.

But I do send you lots of hugs and hope for you. Do not assume this is the worst. Wait until you know. And do your best to reassure your DH and be with him at the doctor's, etc.

[Duck on Wheels]

... And do your best to reassure your DH and be with him at the doctor's, etc.

Good suggestion. If your DH is willing, or maybe even asks you to come along, it's often a good idea to have a second set of ears, someone who can maintain a smidgen more emotional distance and thereby remember things more precisely, maybe even take notes. If your DH would rather go alone, though, then don't sweat it. My experience in the US is that the really good docs are quick to hand out written info on any serious or complex issue (new diagnosis, new meds, new treatment regime).

[Haudlady]

Thank you all. I'm reading and re-reading your words, and I appreciate you more than you know. I think you are probably right, in relation to my other thread... both about stress being a factor and scares like this bringing people together. We have experienced this before - when DH and I had been dating for a few months, I got kicked by my horse and broke my hip. It was amazing how much DH was there for me (especially considering we weren't living in the same house then) through that. I guess that's how it works.

At the appointment yesterday, DH's doctor ruled out the simplest causes, so he is being scheduled for a colonoscopy. DH seemed surprised and happy that I wanted to go with him... even if I'm just sitting in the waiting room I want to be there.

I didn't go with him yesterday, so when we got home we made a fire in the woodstove, settled in, and talked for a while. Considering how little we know right now, I think we're doing okay... he's cracking jokes about the procedures. I know that's partly a defense mechanism, but I don't mind... at least he's talking about it. I told him about writing to you guys about it - he didn't mind at all, and had a few questions about your replies. So, thanks from both of us.

Somehow, that thyroid issue doesn't seem so bad now! My doctor's office hasn't called me back yet about whether or not I can get a re-test, so I'll have to hound them. I would have thought that they could have an answer by now - I asked on Tuesday, and it's Thursday now! I'm really glad it came up, though, because I don't know how much longer DH would have waited if we weren't having all those health conversations earlier this week.

I am on the edge of tears, and have been since last night. I'm NOT a 'crier,' so it's an odd feeling for me. I'm just waiting for the okay to talk to my stepmom about this... I feel like I'm going to burst. I brought a fistful of my favorite CDs to work; sometimes music helps. I am having a VERY hard time concentrating here - and I have a long list to do. What I really want to do is go home and weave on my loom. It always settles me, and makes me calm... plus, I'm making a scarf for DH (oddly, I started it at the beginning of the week before we had all of this start)... I want to finish it so he can have that bit of me with him right now. Maybe I can finish it this weekend.

[Pax]

... I'm making a scarf for DH (oddly, I started it at the beginning of the week before we had all of this start)... I want to finish it so he can have that bit of me with him right now. Maybe I can finish it this weekend.

That is so sweet! I know how loved I would feel if I had a scarf made by my honey all warm and snug around my neck.

[sbctwin]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Haudlady}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Please take it a day at a time. The first step was making the appointment. It is difficult not to think of all the worst case scenerios. But take it one step at a time. My DH had symptoms of prostate cancer for at least a year and never said anything about it. He went in for his yearly physical and was diagnosed with it. Why, when we know that something isn't "right" do we look the other way? Mostly, I think we don't want to acknowledge that a problem exists, we are scared and hope it will just go away. I am glad that your husband finally said something and you both have taken that first step.