I apologize if this is not the correct area for the topic -- I wasn't quite sure where to post, but could really use some advice from fellow cyclists!

I have had an eating disorder for most of my life, and I found cycling really helped me to become more healthy with my attitude towards eating and exercising. I remember feeling such relief last year, as it I felt like I had finally found a sport where my weight wasn't constantly in the spotlight. I had a great time riding and racing all season with my teammates, and I just loved riding my bike. My doctors were happy with my weight, attitude, etc., and it seemed to have a very positive influence on my recovery.

Near the end of the season, I attended a training camp. I did pretty well and got a lot of compliments, but after we were weighed, one of the coaches started to lecture me about my weight. He suggested I check with my doctor, as I might have a thyroid problem, because I was "pretty chubby." Some other nonsense too, about needing to be more careful about what I ate, so that I didn't end up obese! Granted, I was significantly heavier than the others there, but not noticeably bigger in size. I checked with my doctors when I came home, and they assured me my weight is perfectly healthy, my thyroid functioning is fine, etc.

Since hearing those comments, however, I have been in a tailspin. I've lost about 30 pounds, and I am feeling as if I can't allow myself to gain back to my natural weight. Almost all of my friends are cyclists now, and they keep complimenting me on the weight loss. Everybody seems to think that I will do so much better at this weight, and I have to agree -- climbing hills is a lot easier now.

But, I don't feel like this is healthy at all. I don't like the pressure to stay at a certain weight. I have had enough of that to last a lifetime, and it really bothers me to be immersed again in a community obsessed with being as light as possible.

I am considering not racing this year, but am unsure if this is the right decision. I worry that maybe it's just nerves (first race of the season is coming up soon!) and I'm scared of not being able to meet the increased expectations. I worry about losing all of my friends -- the entire racing community here is amazing, and I would hate to lose the friendships I have built. I also have worked pretty hard this winter to do well, and wonder if racing a bit might help me to get motivated again to eat well.

I am just feeling very confused about this all. I am wondering if any of you have had similar experiences? How have you managed to stay healthy? Should I switch to recreational riding only? Not ride at all? Keep racing?