When a manager throws a fit

[shootingstar]

not at me..but at a situation.

I report to a manager who does get frustrated at times. I do actually secretly agree 80% of why certain things anger her. Some of it is related to organizational politics.

We do discuss at a professional level from a standpoint of strategic planning. That is part of my role..to provide her that type of specialist support and to be an interface with clients. (Though I'm still swimming around trying to find my way in the ocean. I drift where the wind blows at times.... )

One thing that she has a habit ..is using profanity. Not at me nor call anyone names. Just certain situations as "sh*tty", etc. Well, you know what I mean. So really, it doesn't matter/bother me.

I've experienced some of the "junk" myself in some other jobs, as a manager. So I know how it feels and the level of stress/effort. (Maybe that's why I was hired..)

But I believe it erodes her managerial image. I do not feel it is my place to tell her but I want our dept. to succeed (she has 13 people reporting to her and she recognizes she will have to restructure the dept. ..so that she can deal with higher level problems.).

What would you do or say, if anything? I think she has a good, sharp mind and certainly has great self-expression (when she' not swearing) on management matters.

[Crankin]

Does the swearing make you uncomfortable? Does she use it in work situations in a group of people? Or, is it in the context of a conversation between the 2 of you?
It's one thing if you ask her to stop swearing when it's just with you, and another if you are going to tell her that she has a "bad habit" that is affecting business situations.
I am someone who has been known to use "salty" language. Obviously, not with my students when I was a teacher, or in any professional situations when I was in an official role. But, in small group meetings, with my team, or in private conversations, I did swear sometimes. Also, in social conversations.
Last year, my supervisor at my internship was a lot like me. It was a very intense atmosphere, working with severely mentally ill adults in groups. She swore at times, which sort of gave me permission to do the same. Again, only in private conversations between the 2 of us, once in awhile in a group meeting. This year, I haven't heard any of the other clinicians swear... I have a couple of younger clients who use the "f" word almost every other word. After a 50 minute session, my ears are ringing. But, I don't lecture them. If it really offended me, I would say something, but it's not the biggest issue.
Overall, my swearing has diminished a lot. Only DH and DS 1 & 2 get to hear my bad language now.

[OakLeaf]

I've heard it said that f*** is a woman professional's favorite word.

Nowadays (at my more distinguished age ), I'm much much more likely to use a euphemism than a "real" cuss word, but you WILL hear me say "dang" or "fricken" or something of the sort in just about any casual conversation (social situations, obviously, with people I know, or if I don't know them, then at least understood the situation to be casual from their language). Twenty years ago it would have been real cuss words, and a whole lot more of them.

IMO cussing and throwing a fit are two entirely separate things. Throwing a fit often comes with cussing - but I've known people who can throw a spectacular fit without ever saying anything they couldn't say on the radio. What you described in your post was just cussing, even though your thread title had to do with throwing a fit. Does she do more?

[Roadtrip]

I had a manager that would use "salty" language if something wasn't going the right way or he was frustrated.. I would know not to come near his office if I heard said language coming from his office. The bad thing is he was a really nice guy, but it did make me uncomfortable, others most likely too as his office was near another conference that has very thin walls and I KNOW others heard it too.

As to saying something.. I really don't know.. I never got the courage to say anything before he ultimately left the company. I guess I never said anything to him or HR because I knew where his frustrations came from, I just vented in other ways, in private.

Oh, I'm not above using "salty" language... I once offended a homeless man sleeping/passed out in a public stairwell because I was "venting" where I thought it was only DH and I within earshot... he stepped down within my sight-line and asked me to stop cursing. LOL.

Shannon

[bmccasland]

I had a temporary supervisor that used profanity a lot. One day he's deciding that I "needed" some counseling about a situation. The man has a PhD in Education, and likes to remind people of it. So he's going off on me, about the situation, and I'm tuning him out because of the profanity, and I finally said "If you're so f***ing educated why can't you express yourself without swearing? And if you're going to continue to swear, I'm leaving."

Stopped him in his tracks. He had been counseled before about his use of profanity in the work place (white collar job).

I have difficulty respecting a supervisor / manager that can't express themselves without swearing. Drop a brick on your foot, colorful language is probably appropriate, but in the work place it isn't.

[jessmarimba]

Swearing (within reason) is commonplace enough within my company that we get email notices to "watch the f-bombs" when clients are going to be coming in. However, in a managerial situation, I don't really find it appropriate. It's an out or an escape that prevents people from saying what they really need to say. About the only time the word sh*tty is used between me and upper management is to complain about properties that have lots of problems with them - using it to describe a client, a contact, a report, a situation at work = not appropriate.

However, my (female) manager (that I don't consider a friend) once elected me president of the (non-existent) big *ss little t*tties committee when I stopped by her office to chat about a project. I had no idea how to react, but I haven't respected her since.

[Owlie]

Drop a brick on your foot, colorful language is probably appropriate, but in the work place it isn't.

What if you drop a brick on your foot in the workplace? :P

The professor I did my senior projects with swears a lot. I can understand it if something the lab's been working on for months didn't work and the project has to be scrapped or something. Not at group meetings. Swearing at grad students is just rude and unnecessary--I lost a lot of the respect I had for him after one meeting... Needless to say, I didn't ask him for a recommendation letter. Granted, this guy has a lot of other social issues as well.

I can completely understand some degree of swearing in this context (chemistry lab), though. The otherwise-terminally polite lab manager/post-doc let out a cluster f-bomb when the thing he'd been trying for a week didn't work, and would regularly describe things as "sh*tty". Thing is, no one other than (under)grad students and maybe the professor would hear it.

In an actual office setting, it's inappropriate. Unless the coffee machine catches fire or something, of course.

[Irulan]

If you're so f***ing educated why can't you express yourself without swearing? And if you're going to continue to swear, I'm leaving."

lol. So, did he quit?

[PamNY]

Shootingstar, whether you should say anything depends on how well you know her, how you think she would react, and how serious the issue is.

I got into the habit of being rather free with language when I worked in media relations and there were lots of former journalists working there. It was a casual, jokey atmosphere. Probably, too, in the early 1970s there was an unspoken need to fit in with the boys. When I was in a more conventional corporate setting, I needed to change (and probably didn't clean up enough).

Honestly, most people don't like being criticized, so unless you perceive a serious problem, I don't think you should say anything.

[badger]

firemen swear like sailors, it's almost like they need to swear to fit in. They try to tone it down when they're around "ladies" and admin staff, but still occasionally slips out when they get worked up.

My manager is completely burnt out now and is pretty much flaming out. She's made enemies of her staff by not supporting them, and her very icey side is coming out. When you say things like "those kinds of people should have perished in the fire" isn't really behaviour becoming of a manager.

In a union environment we tend to look at management as us vs. them, so I guess in some ways we're just watching by the sidelines as she crashes and burns. Most don't care as she's burned many bridges already.

[PinkPeddles]

not at me..but at a situation.

I report to a manager who does get frustrated at times. I do actually secretly agree 80% of why certain things anger her. Some of it is related to organizational politics.

We do discuss at a professional level from a standpoint of strategic planning. That is part of my role..to provide her that type of specialist support and to be an interface with clients. (Though I'm still swimming around trying to find my way in the ocean. I drift where the wind blows at times.... )

One thing that she has a habit ..is using profanity. Not at me nor call anyone names. Just certain situations as "sh*tty", etc. Well, you know what I mean. So really, it doesn't matter/bother me.

I've experienced some of the "junk" myself in some other jobs, as a manager. So I know how it feels and the level of stress/effort. (Maybe that's why I was hired..)

But I believe it erodes her managerial image. I do not feel it is my place to tell her but I want our dept. to succeed (she has 13 people reporting to her and she recognizes she will have to restructure the dept. ..so that she can deal with higher level problems.).

What would you do or say, if anything? I think she has a good, sharp mind and certainly has great self-expression (when she' not swearing) on management matters.

Miss ShootingStar,

I agree wholeheartedly that throwing fits in the work place does not fit well with the managerial image. In my eyes, a manager is somebody who is not only able to manage a workplace, but emotions as well. When you are working underneath somebody who is visibly unstable, it can be very difficult to hold you OWN composure.

The only positive thing I can say is that you are probably not the only one who notices this and there may be a chance for somebody else (maybe you?) to swoop in and solidify the position.

I know I am not in the office with you, but that's what it sounds like to me!

[shootingstar]

Badger, your manager sounds very unhappy. Working in your environment for several decades would wear a person out if it wasn't ever the right "fit" in the lst place.

No, pinkpeddles I'm not particularily interested in her job.

My job position is classified as unionized but that's nothing new to me. It never changed my work habits nor how I view management.

So far, the best thing is for me to allow her to rant abit, because she does tend to use me as some sort of confidante.. then I try to offer a couple of words /questions about the situation ...to defuse her abit. The saving grace for her, is that she does remarkably get along well with her senior manager to whom she reports to ...because he is an even-tempered person. We all work on open-office floor layout. So conversations tend to carry across cubicles.

I guess I'm used to this sort of thing....I was raised by a mother with an explosive temper at times. She cussed...in Chinese. sh*t in Chinese, etc. More wildly than we realized until we, as children, tried to repeat the same words, which at that point, she shut us down.

[crazycanuck]

My dear oversaw a project for a large mining company (normal for Western Australia) & required him to be on site for x amount of time. When you hear what every second word is out of the mouths of not only the normal engineers but also the high up dudes, it's no surprise that you'd have to be a tough nut. He dished it out as it fast as it came.

I'm tough but not tough enough to deal with mine sites...

I've had managers swear when the proverbial hits the fan..oh well..

[PscyclePath]

"Well, back before I had certain employees, I didn't have all that much to cuss about. Now I do." ;-)

[bmccasland]

lol. So, did he quit?

He tried, but wasn't very successful. He had to be counselled, again, by higher ups. Partly because I wasn't impressed with his counselling me, and swearing as part of the conversation. If he want people to respect him, he needs to leave the salty language elsewhere.

Nothing was going to blow up, fall down, or otherwise be a fustrating dissaster. The man can not express himself without swearing, and people had let him get away with it.