Need Advice--Should I move out?

[Syndirelah]

Ok ladies, I need advice. (warning, long story to follow).

I graduated in 2006 from a good university (music degree), and went to grad school in another state. I was able to work, support myself, and be in school at the same time. At the end of my first year in grad school, one of my parents was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I left school to move home and help out with things. I worked and helped out at home during this time, and my dad passed away in 2008 after a year-long illness.

In the fall of 2008, I restarted my master's degree at a different school, both to be at a better program (for me) and so I could still help out at home with some of the fall-out.

Last year, I commuted to school Mondays, Wed. and Fridays on the train, two hours each way. On Tues/Thurs., I substitute taught at my old high school. (I occasionally had to be at school one of these days, so the flexibility worked in my favor).

Fast forward to this fall. I just returned home after completing in (unpaid but wonderful) internship in Maine for the summer. It was the first time Ive had the opportunity to leave since initially moving home, and, for the first time in literally 2.5 years, spend time with people my own age. I have free rent and don't help out with utilities, but our house is on the market to sell. (who knows when that will happen, with the economy!).

After being home for the past couple of years, under pretty miserable circumstances, I want to move out. But I have only a few $k saved, and student loan debt. (but no credit card debt or car payments). I could take out $10k for living expenses.

So, what do I do???

Keep commuting another year? By staying home, I'm not able to MAKE much money, and not interacting with my peers/networking at all. with the time spent commuting--having such limited availability, I havent been able to find additional part-time work. But, Im not plummeting AS far into debt if I were to move out.

But, I'm incredibly unhappy here. and after this summer, I'm seeing how much I'm missing out on in life...

At least if I moved out, I could regain some sense of identity. After a couple days job hunting, I have a job closer to school (and the apt. I would move into, I an offer to move in with a friend)... but its waitressing, and not necessarily 100% steady... I would need to find something in addition. I've been scouting for students to teach, but its tough with the economy.

As for my chosen profession, music is tough-- Ive been taking auditions and advanced in a couple, but it can take years to land a first job.

This sucks.

I would like to think it's brave to take a leap, find out what I'm made of. Or is it smarter to stick with the free rent as long as possible-- even if my life is going nowhere during that time....

I can't decide....

[alpinerabbit]

Try to do the move on a shoestring - waitress if needed, or find another substitute job at the town you're going to, and toss that job if you find something better. Try not to get into any debt.

Forget about "loyalty" - you're selling your abilities on the market.

As for your mom - she should be understanding because you already made a pretty big "gift" to your parents by moving back to support them. Now it should be your time to grow.

[redrhodie]

It seems to me your post is all pro moving out. The only con seems to be about $ and that's the normal one that we all feel, especially in the arts.

Don't take out that loan! You are debt free except for student loans, and that's a great thing. Maybe you can get a student loan deferment for the first few months? I don't know if that's a good idea, but you could check into it.

I'm sorry about your father. I hope you're able to find a happier place, and enjoy your life again.

[Biciclista]

spread your wings, little bird.

[Pax]

Move out, independence is priceless.

[Pan Dulce]

Move out! Things will be tight, but you sound like you will be so much happier. That's what's important, right?

[Kris]

Move out. Live as simply as you can to reduce the amount you need to borrow. Try to reduce it to 0.

[NbyNW]

Can you take it one semester at a time, so it doesn't seem like such a huge leap?

Maybe when the waitressing dries up in October, holiday season jobs will be opening up. And I agree with you that it's valuable to be networking and making friends while you're in school. You won't have the same opportunities to build your network after you finish your degree, and the ties you build now could lead to important referrals and collaborations in the future.

Do everything you possibly can to stay out of debt, or if you must borrow money, make sure you have a concrete plan for how and when you are going to pay it off. It's not easy, but we all go through it at some point. Sometimes more than once.

If you don't "take the leap" now, will you be asking yourself the same questions in 3 months, 6 months or a year?

[Geonz]

My 'advice' - Crunch the numbers. If you can get out without more debt, do it. (10K is a pretty hefty chunk.) If not, spend a semester socking away and do a midwinter leap.

[tulip]

I'm going to buck the trend here. IMHO, student loan debt is very valuable if not abused. The rates are ridiculously low. When I had my loans, they were in the 3% range.

Move out, find a place to rent/share with very low expenses, keep your expenses to a minimum, work if you have to...but your education comes first, with all that is associated with it: the networking, the extra activities that can really pay off in terms of jobs and contacts down the road.

Use the student loans for what they were intended. Don't go buy a car with them!

[DDH]

My condolences to you and your family at the loss of your father.

Normally being the overly responsible one in my family I would tell you to stay and take advantage of the free rent and ability to not get into more debt.
That's my conservative, responsible, not wanting to pay a dime in interest to anyone side.

Get out and live. I mean obviously you don't want to get into a great deal of debt, but if you were doing it before without creating a lot of debt, then you can do it again. Your only young and going to college and beginning life on your own one time. Make the best of it.

[Mr. Bloom]

Don't stay in an unhappy situation...don't go into debt. Please don't assume it's either/or...there is some alternative that you're not considering...but only you know your situation and biases.

Instead of networking for a job, could you take the interim step of networking for a roommate or alternative living situation?

[Tuckervill]

Your brother doesn't want you to move out because he likes having you near your mom. That's my guess. His opinion is one thing, but if your mom needs you, that's another.

Why can't your mom move with you? It seems to me like she needs something to look forward to. A new adventure. I know that idea is fraught with potholes--she probably doesn't want to leave the place where she lived with him just yet. But maybe that's a possibility?

There are so many possibilities! Be creative. You'll find a way.

Karen

[beccaB]

Can you take the classes you would need to be a music educator? That's the one thing I did not do that I wish I had. I am a freelance musician also, but I have had a lot of odd jobs and then raised a family and now I wish I had obtained the music ed degree. I did not think I would want to teach kids in a classroom setting (band), but after being involved with kids for 20 years, hindsight is 20/20. At least with a music ed degree you can teach in a school, not in Michigan (there are no jobs here) but somewhere.

[shootingstar]

Possible to find a friend, or someone who can rent or sublet a rm. for you at a reasonable rate. Rest of stuff in storage if possible?

I have a good friend who had to leave her small apartment because landlady was selling the house. So she stayed with me ..my roommate had gone off to home in Malayasia for the summer. And so friend only needed to stay for 2 months.

It worked out well..

but we're very lucky as 2 compatible room mates: she's still one of my closest friends 1/4 century later.