Help with body image

[crazycanuck]

I need some help with my body image. I swim & bike with folks who are skinny minnies/moes & I too would love to be that way. I am getting to the body image I want but not yet.

I don't hate my body, I just want something different & it's taking forever to get there. It's getting in the way of our time spent in the bedroom

Have you been there? What do you suggest?

Tanks
C

[OakLeaf]

oh boy HAVE I been there and mostly still there.

A couple things that have helped though:

(this sounds a little kinky, but I mean it in a completely non-autoerotic sense, and it works for me) touch, don't look. The mirror is often my enemy, because my eyes go right to the parts I hate, and skip over the muscles that other people see. But when you use touch, you can isolate your self-perception to parts of your body that you like, then build on that positive feedback. I like the feel of my rock-hard quads or triceps. I like to feel my hipbones all the way around. I like to put my hand on my *ss and find that it doesn't stick out half so far as where I expect to find it. Whatever parts of your body make you feel like an athlete, touch them, affirm them, make those parts the basis of your body image.

And actually... if it's affecting your "time in the bedroom" as it can for me - go ahead and put some autoeroticism into those touches! Let yourself feel the things that feel good to your partner, try to feel yourself through his hands!

Make yourself affirm OTHER people's body images. When I became an aerobics instructor, one of the most powerful lessons I learned was that I need to project a positive body image. Everyone in my classes is trying to be or become fit. Most of them aren't as fit as I am. Many times they'll comment that they wish they had a body like mine. Early on it took ALL my strength not to roll my eyes and make some self-hating comment, but for their sake, I have to encourage them, and the more I do it, the easier it gets to accept the way I look in THEIR eyes.

[lph]

I just thought - maybe watch a movie with someone unskinny but happy with it, like Queen Latifah in Chicago. The self-confidence just pours off her in waves. She's a big lady, but she is frankly, smoking HOT. And there are lots of mousy, introverted skinny minnies out there. There is nothing sexier than self-confidence, and that's not attached to body size or weight. Wanting to be fitter or faster or more athletic is something else, but that alone won't make a woman attractive.

[Veronica]

You have got to love what you've got; it's the only body you're going to get.

Seriously, maybe you're not meant to be a twig. I'm not. And wanting what you're not meant to be, just sets you up for failure. It took me a long time to figure this out and actually accept it. That's the hard part.

Veronica

[Biciclista]

What Veronica said.
You're telling us that what you look like is interfering with your bedroom time? turn the lights out then!

Your partner accepted you a long time ago, and it's not slowing him down, is it?
Start finding things about yourself that you do like. You're only going to get older, which is worse, you can't turn back the clock. You have to accept the things you cannot change, and change the things you can.
You're never going to be tall and slender.
You're never going to have a big nose like me.
you have a great compact body, and you have ALL the right stuff. Please appreciate it now while you still have it.

[Crankin]

Mostly, I think if you think of yourself as strong and athletic, that helps. You are doing things that a lot of "skinny" people can't do. Think of what you are doing for your health.
It's hard to keep a balance with this. Right before I started cycling, I was burned out on aerobics and sort of resigned to middle aged spread. But, I still thought of myself as athletic, as in my former self. Then, when my husband got me out on a bike, I could barely breathe and I wasn't too happy about the way I looked in the cycling apparel he bought me. That was my incentive to start cycling. It was a wake up call.
Veronica is right. We are all built a certain way and at least for me, no matter how much exercise I do, some things are not going to change. And, I would really like it if I were at least 4 inches taller...

[RoadRaven]

I don't hate my body, I just want something different & it's taking forever to get there. It's getting in the way of our time spent in the bedroom

Have you been there?

Hey there CC... yup, I have/am there...

For the first time in years, I am happy with my body - cycling has given me this - these last 3 years or so have seen me appreciate my fitness, regardless of how my body appears. I am fit... I am strong... I could thrash most of the women my age I know in terms of power output or aerobic endurance. I could out-walk them. I could out-bike them. I could (can) run up three flights of stairs and have caught my breath by the time they get there. If we measured our fat/muscle ratios, I would almost certainly out-muscle them.

But the changes I expected to see... the changes that women here post about - muscle definition... weight loss... where are these changes???????

I have lost 15kg since I started cycling, but to get back to a healthy size I am still about 15kg or 1 1/2 jean sizes away.

So, nope, they aint happening for me either. I don't expect to be svelte like I was when I was 17... but it would be nice to lose my tummy... for my thighs to be a little less chunky.

And yes, these un-changes to get in the way in the bedroom.They affect the way I feel sometimes, and make me feel awkward or clumsy, and sometimes unattractive, though I never get a hint of that from my partner.

So yes, my friend, CC, I have been there... I still am.

[BikingNurse]

+1 to what OakLeaf said

Also, I know I saw it here somewhere but I can't find it right now. This one phrase has helped me. I am paraphrasing ........ how can you hate a body that can take you places? How can you hate legs that get you up that hill? You are a strong woman. Your free time isn't consumed with TV and a bag of chips.
(I'm a mom x's 3) I definately have things that I want to change. But one thing that keeps me motivated is to look and feel my legs. I've only been cycling a short time, but they are changing and getting hot! Just keep in mind that you are a strong woman with a strong body. You can go places that many women break a sweat just thinking about.
I think we are all pretty awsome just because of that.
I'd like to hear how it's goin now. I know it's been a while since you posted this thread.

[redrhodie]

CC, it's been a while since you started this thread. What advice would you now give someone with the same problem?

I have a friend who hates her body. I'm like, yeah, I feel so sorry for you, being shaped like an hourglass must really suck. In all sincerity, her self esteem has prevented her from really enjoying her life. It's such a shame. I think she's a true beauty, but she doesn't agree. Is there anything I can do to help, or does it really just have to be from within?

[crazycanuck]

umm..i've not thought about this for quite a while..I didn't expect someone to dig up the post

I'm too interested in my uni studies & training for the 12hr.

[tulip]

CC, it's been a while since you started this thread. What advice would you now give someone with the same problem?

I have a friend who hates her body. I'm like, yeah, I feel so sorry for you, being shaped like an hourglass must really suck. In all sincerity, her self esteem has prevented her from really enjoying her life. It's such a shame. I think she's a true beauty, but she doesn't agree. Is there anything I can do to help, or does it really just have to be from within?

from my experience, I would suggest that your friend might benefit from some counseling. It helped me alot.

[redrhodie]

from my experience, I would suggest that your friend might benefit from some counseling. It helped me alot.

Thanks, Tulip. I've suggested therapy before, and she's adamantly opposed to the idea, but I'm sure she'd really benefit from it. I'll bring it up again.

[tulip]

Thanks, Tulip. I've suggested therapy before, and she's adamantly opposed to the idea, but I'm sure she'd really benefit from it. I'll bring it up again.

Well, you can't make her go. It's up to her, when and if she's ready. In my book, being adamantly opposed to it is a red flag for really needing it. That's how I was!