Quarterlife Crisis?

[kfergos]

Just curious what you ladies think about this: Welcome to Your Quarterlife Crisis. Is there such a thing, or is this something people have been dealing with forever?

[Crankin]

I think it's somewhat true, based on my kids. I guess really, based on my son who is almost 27. While he is not "immaturely" playing video games and has had one girlfriend for 3 years (who he really likes), his life at his age compared to mine are totally different. He got a fairly good job after college, but stayed too long, because he likes the work, and is comfortable. The money was OK for a liberal arts grad, but in the winter he took a huge pay cut. So, because he didn't look for something new when there were lots of jobs, he's stuck. He is now doing some free lance writing in a local paper, but it's more to make connections. He also does free lance translating, in addition to his regular job. We set him up with a recruiter just to get some points and he's been on a couple of informational interviews, but nothing yet. He wants to get married and at least buy a condo, but there is no way that can happen. When I was his age I had my master's degree, 5 years of experience and had been married a year. We bought our first house. His girlfriend is almost 30 and has a degree from the top art school in the country. There's absolutely no jobs in her field (interior architecture) and she's 60k in debt for her education. Her parents are totally dysfunctional and have lead her to believe nothing will ever work out. After 2 years of working for slave wages in her field in NYC, she's now working as an assistant manager at Redbones...
On the surface, they look fairly successful. They pay their rent and do some fun stuff, although not expensive stuff. I know this is depressing for my son. Almost all of his friends from college or HS have gone to grad school/medical school/law school. At one point he had a teaching assistantship set up to get a masters, but then he didn't go. I think he likes working better than school. Plus, he won't go into debt for education, so that leaves him with only one option, U Mass, where he went for undergrad.

I see it from the parent's point of view, when someone stops me in the store and just "has" to tell me that their kid is now a judge, married, doing medical residency. Given that one of my kids only has a BA and the other quit college to join the military, I am sure they feel smug.
Well, at least my son in the Marines is financially set (big re-enlistment bonus) and won't be in debt to finish his education...

[deeaimond]

"Women are roundly considered to be in biologically ideal form for baby-making in their twenties and early thirties, which are also prime fun-having and career-building years. For women who want all of the things promised by (theoretically) equal education, work and sex lives, the conflict of desires can be catastrophic"

It's very true. I feel it everyday. Alot of the women around me are getting married and buying homes and planning for kids or already have a few, and I wanna travel, ride my bike, have fun,do my masters/phd but the clock is ticking and I have to pay off student loans and i'm bonded to my current job for the next three years and my bf lives in NYC, halfway across the world, and wants to do his masters too and is in no particular hurry to get married yadda yadda and yes. it is very stressful to be my age in todays world. I'm turning 25 in September. happy quarterlife crisis to me.

Oh by the way, my bf had forwarded that article to me a few weeks ago. I think he's feeling it too. (except he has no student loans to repay and his job pays 3 times more than mine. should i be jealous? i admit i am. kinda)

[limewave]

I felt alot of those things in my early-mid twenties. When I was 25, I had already been at my job for 6 years--most of my friends were still in college, traveling on mom and dad's money, or slinging coffee. I felt really old, like I was missing out on a lot. I worked 50 hours a week (or more) and my vacation times were restricted between publishing seasons.

Anyways, I easily solved my problem by becoming a mentor through the Journey Program. It's for kids that are coming out of jail. I had to spend at least 4 hours a week with her for an entire year.

Once I started focusing on someone other than myself, I snapped right out of my funk.

I think its really easy when you're young and single to become completely self-obsessed. Which, in my opinion, is a big factor in the "quarter and mid-life crisis".

[shootingstar]

I think its really easy when you're young and single to become completely self-obsessed. Which, in my opinion, is a big factor in the "quarter and mid-life crisis".

I agree.

However at 25 yrs. I only had been working for 2 yrs. after graduating with BA, then MA. Only in part-time jobs, though related directly to my formal degree, at that time I was still seeking full-time job which I landed in 3rd yr. after university completion.

During this time, it wasn't a crisis but a time of applying what I learned from my education and further expanding my horizons through volunteer work plus taking the evening art courses here and there. It was a time of considerable exploration and growth for myself in knowledge and skill, learning more about what other people did. I still had not yet travelled beyond Canada since I was still saving money. Only in my late 20's, I had my first vacation trip outside of North America.

For alot of women I know personally, the childbearing question can for some women, create not necessarily quarter century, but certainly early 30's midlife crisis, particularily if they wish to have children.

For others who chose not to have children, a dimension of the 'crisis' is less fraught with anxiety/biological time pressure. Instead is a growing awareness of whether one will share a life /home with someone else or if a woman should just proceed to make major life plans/major investments (ie. home) on her own.

[kfergos]

Once I started focusing on someone other than myself, I snapped right out of my funk.

I think its really easy when you're young and single to become completely self-obsessed. Which, in my opinion, is a big factor in the "quarter and mid-life crisis".

I don't want this to come off sounding negative towards people in their 20s and 30s -- I'm one of them! -- but I was kind of wondering about this. Reading the article it struck me how self-focused it sounded like most of the young people in the article were, and I wondered if maybe that was part of the reason they (we! my peers!) were having a crisis.

[shootingstar]

I don't want this to come off sounding negative towards people in their 20s and 30s -- I'm one of them! -- but I was kind of wondering about this.

No, not all kerfogos. Not all of us experienced that intensity of "crisis"at that time in life or the 'crisis' was differently defined.

Giving back to community /volunteer capacity, only fulfills certain needs in a person. But it does help provide broader "perspective".

[indigoiis]

My mom is having her three-quarter life crisis right now.

[GLC1968]

They can’t make any decisions, because they don’t know what they want, and they don’t know what they want because they don’t know who they are, and they don’t know who they are because they’re allowed to be anyone they want.

Heh - this was me in my 20's. I went through it. I drank too much, I partied, I slept around...and I also advanced myself in a career that I didn't really want. Early on, I had no plans for kids, house buying, minivans, PTA, etc...so it wasn't that I felt I was missing out...I just didn't know what I wanted. I went back to school at 29 and drastically changed the course of my life (and then did it again at 40).

Honestly, looking back, I'm amazed that I survived my 20's! But...I also never felt apathy. I never slogged through my life like the author describes in the first couple of paragraphs. For me, if I was bored, I changed. I did fear that I wasn't building a comprehensive future (hence the need for partying), but I was never a drone. I certainly appreciated my youth. I guess because I had so many friends who were building 'grown up' lives (getting married, having children, etc) I got a glimpse into that life and I knew it wasn't for me. So I appreciated what I was doing, even if it wasn't the end all be all (and who finds that in their 20's anyway??) of what my life would become. Maybe because back when I went through this the concept of 'you can do or be anything you want' applied mostly to me (from my parents) and didn't apply to all of my cronies. Most of my friends felt pressure early on to define their lives and make life-altering choices...I did not. Maybe that's why now I'm the one 'living a dream' while many of them are questioning their earlier choices?

I could see how it would be much worse if everyone you knew was feeling the same thing. How does a 20-something define themselves when all the world is open to them? That's a lot of pressure for a young brain. Hell, that's still a lot of pressure for my middle-aged brain!

[Crankin]

Kfergos, I don't think that everyone in your generation is self absorbed. We all think whatever we are going through at a particular time is "the most important thing" at the moment. Hence, the phenomenon where women can only talk about their babies, or buying a house, etc.
My kids are definitely not self absorbed. However, because of the economy, things aren't exactly how my older son wishes they were.
I did exactly what I wanted to for most of my life before I met my DH. I was wild as hell in high school and wasted my college years by living with and marrying the wrong person. When I got divorced, I had no plans to remarry, but met my DH when I least expected it, although I was still quite young. I also was vehemently anti having kids, until one day I became obsessed with it and that was that. I always knew I never wanted to be a stay at home mom and took a lot of crap for not feeling guilty about that. At work, I was often told that "I thought like a man
."
Well, 30 years later, I am still married and my kids turned out fine!

[limewave]

Giving back to community /volunteer capacity, only fulfills certain needs in a person. But it does help provide broader "perspective".

I learned some important things from mentoring. For example: you can't rely on other people for your happiness. If you're not content, you are the only one that has the power to change your situation. Basically, I learned personal responsibility on all sorts of levels.

I also came to the conclusion about that time that my job didn't need to define me, but that it was a means to support those things: like biking! That was a big "ah-ha!" moment.