Would you hold a wedding shower for yourself?

[PamNY]

A friend has been telling me about someone she works with. This person plans to marry, and she's giving her own shower. Purported reason is that the bridesmaids are fighting with each other, so it has to be this way.

My friend is appalled and considers it a generational difference motivated by greed (we're in our fifties, and the bride is 27). I'm not sure what to think. I've never heard of such a thing, but I'm not sure that greed is a new phenomenon, either.

This doesn't matter to me at all; I've never met the bride. I'm just curious about what others think. It's a second marriage, by the way; the bride's first husband died a few years ago.

Pam

[uforgot]

I think it's tacky. You are asking your friends and family for gifts. Actually, I don't even like it when family gives showers, unless it's a family shower. What you are saying is " We want you to buy a gift for our sister/mother/brother..." you get the picture. I'll put this right up there with invitations that say "Cash gifts only".

I decided to google this:

This is from allaboutshowers.com

Can a family member throw a bridal shower?
A: No, that would seem self-serving. A friend or distant relative may throw a bridal shower. Normally, the bridesmaids throw one shower, but it is not mandatory.

No question about throwing one for yourself being self-serving.

[Tuckervill]

Probably because no one's ever done it, til now!

No stinkin' way would I attend that shower, and if I were close enough to the "bride" to feel guilty that I didn't go, I'd be close enough to her to tell her how tacky it is.

Karen

[ny biker]

Ask Miss Manners and she'll tell you that this is wrong. The hostess of the shower should be a friend. It is even wrong for the hostess to be a family member.

And if it's a second wedding, then there is no need for a shower because the bride is not leaving her parents' home and establishing her own household for the first time.

[Fujichants]

Silly question, is there a difference between a wedding shower and a bridal shower?

My friend is hosting her own bridal shower. I'm one of the bridesmaids, but before we could plan anything, she told us she already planned it.

She even has two registries for her bridal shower...at Williams Sonoma and Tiffany's. The cheapest thing on there is $200. What on earth? Is it normal to have a registry for a bridal shower?

I'm not looking forward to it at all.

[Flybye]

I don't really care what Miss Manners has to say - who left her in charge anyhow?
I think that the bride deserves a celebration even if it is her 10th wedding. I think that gifts can be tailored to brides who already have an established home. I think that I would like nothing more than to be invited to a friend's home and celebrate a new chapter with her - what a privilege - and to me it doesn't matter WHO is hosting the party. I say good for her; her friends are being catty and fighting, so she makes lemonaid out of lemons.
Now, as for gift registries and expensive gifts - that might flavor my opinion in a different direction. I guess even if the bride wanted expensive gifts and/or was a greedy individual, I would still celebrate with her - but by bringing a gift that is dictated by MY budget and not HER tastes.
Bottom line is that the party isn't for me. Who cares what I think about who started the party. Who cares if the bride is greedy? The party isn't for me so I don't get a say! I go, I have fun, and I hope for a blessed marriage. (And I wouldn't hesitate to put my address on an envelope to make the thank-you process easier for the bride either - but that would be another subject for another thread.)

[Trek420]

(And I wouldn't hesitate to put my address on an envelope to make the thank-you process easier for the bride either - but that would be another subject for another thread.)

I don't know nothing about weddings, it's a whole 'nother world and this is a cycling discussion group but I'm just sayin' if the bride/whoever organizes this event knows the person well enough to invite them to a wedding, shower or "c'mon over I'll feed you or let's make this a potluck you just bring a dish to share and expensive gifts for me fest" .... shouldn't the bride/whomever know their address?

What's next? STM invite and thank you?

[Irulan]

My friend is appalled and considers it a generational difference motivated by greed

I don't think necessarily that it's completely generational, but greedy, yes.

[ny biker]

I don't really care what Miss Manners has to say - who left her in charge anyhow?
I think that the bride deserves a celebration even if it is her 10th wedding. I think that gifts can be tailored to brides who already have an established home. I think that I would like nothing more than to be invited to a friend's home and celebrate a new chapter with her - what a privilege - and to me it doesn't matter WHO is hosting the party. I say good for her; her friends are being catty and fighting, so she makes lemonaid out of lemons.
Now, as for gift registries and expensive gifts - that might flavor my opinion in a different direction. I guess even if the bride wanted expensive gifts and/or was a greedy individual, I would still celebrate with her - but by bringing a gift that is dictated by MY budget and not HER tastes.
Bottom line is that the party isn't for me. Who cares what I think about who started the party. Who cares if the bride is greedy? The party isn't for me so I don't get a say! I go, I have fun, and I hope for a blessed marriage. (And I wouldn't hesitate to put my address on an envelope to make the thank-you process easier for the bride either - but that would be another subject for another thread.)

The wedding is the celebration for the bride and groom. Not the shower.

If the bride wants to invite friends to celebrate in her home, then fine, throw a regular party. But don't host an event that exists for no other reason than to shower yourself with gifts.

[teigyr]

Is she asking for gifts?

I always tend to not follow tradition either by choice or circumstance. When I married DH, we had a fairly large wedding (by our terms it was large) but requested no gifts. It wasn't a first wedding for either of us and we wanted people there to celebrate (neither of us had a "real" wedding before) but we didn't want to ask anything of them except just to be there.

Maybe this bride wants a shower? It's not my type of thing but I can see the attraction. Maybe she wants female bonding, games, and fun. Maybe she's lonely and if her bridesmaids are fighting, that could make it all the worse for what should be a fun time in her life.

Unless the price of admission to the shower was cash or something bought from an expensive registry, I applaud her. If people wait for someone else to make things happen, then there is the chance your life won't go the way you want it to and then there would be regret. I think she's brave, especially seeing all the potential criticism that could happen.

[uforgot]

The purpose of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. If she wants to have a party, then have a party. If you are attending a shower, then you are expected to bring a gift.

[Biciclista]

If someone sent me to a gift registry with the minimum gift being $200, I probably wouldn't buy a gift unless it was my grandkid or something.
What I noticed at my son's own wedding was that they got an incredible amount of stuff; and ended up exchanging over $600 worth of booty. As for a wedding shower put on by the bride, I have to ask why. Is she not going to have a wedding party/reception?
I always thought the wedding shower was a celebration with the close girlfriends and female relatives to the bride. You can't tell me that expensive gifts are expected from those people too? and what kind of party would it be if they're all fighting?

The wedding is the celebration of a marriage. In our culture, we celebrate it in church and/or with a party (called the reception) afterwards.

[Fujichants]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

[shootingstar]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

Hope she remains married after all this..

It is interesting when an older bride gets married for the lst time. My youngest sister married for the lst time at 38 yrs. She already had her own house and stuff. Still people gave nice gifts...more yuppish. Not sure of all she got. I was at a loss, as her sister, what to give her. So in the end, I got them a handmade teapot..usable but also artsy oriented.

Same dilemma for another sister who married at 34 yrs. for lst time but lived with her now-hubby for 7 prior yrs. They already had a house, etc. So I bought them a framed original artwork.

Both of them had registries but only as an option, not mandatory. But I didn't pay attention to that. It was understood by each of them, they would get gifts from siblings that had nothing to do with the registries....because we know them well and their lifestyle.

Yea...I come from a family of some later-loves in life.

[ny biker]

In regards to my friend, who is hosting the wedding shower with the expensive gift registries...she also had an engagement party where in the invite she put 'gift cards preferred'.

She is having a big old wedding in September, and for that, her registry is at Bloomingdale's.

I'm going broke just on all her wedding related parties, which I have to attend, because i'm a bridesmaid. it's kind of sad because we wanted to plan her party, but she flat out refused. Kind of makes me wonder...

You don't have to buy someone a gift from their registry. You don't have to go broke buying expensive gifts for someone.

Technically the only event where any gift is required is a shower. You are not required to give a gift for a wedding or engagement party.

And if she puts "gift cards preferred" on an invitation, she deserves to get a bunch of gift cards to McDonalds.