N+1 is burning a hole in my pocket!

[zoom-zoom]

So here's my family's situation. I have a nice sort of entry-level Cannondale F5 26in. mountain bike that we purchased early last Fall. Cannondale had a bunch of petite/XS size from '09 just languishing in a warehouse, so they sold them off cheap and we got it for half of retail ($350, instead of $700).

The bike is really a size too small for me, but fits my 11 year old DS pretty well...by next Summer it should be a perfect fit. Last night we went riding on some easy single-track with me on the mountain bike and him on his CX bike. He was bombing around like it was nothing. There were a few spots where his CX bike was not well-suited, though, like sand and some roots. He and I would both like to be able to ride together more, even hitting some more challenging trails an hour-ish away.

So the logical next step would be to get me a larger, better bike that I can ride more indefinitely--or until he grows into it, then I would upgrade again to a 29er (because I ride for JDRF I am eligible for 20% off Cannondale bikes, plus that is our LBS's primary brand...but thus far Cdale does not have 29ers smaller than size M--we expect that to change in the next year or so if they want to remain competitive with every other major mfgr.).

Perfect plan, right? OK, here's where the wrench gets thrown into the works, thus messing everything up.

My baby (and I mean BABY...31 going on 13 ) sister has plans to get married in Vegas in Dec. as a sort of Mayan Calendar joke. So the money that COULD go towards another bike is instead being diverted to airfare. My folks can't even afford to see their DD get married, but my sister doesn't seem to give 2 hoots about that. Even her 2 young sons will not be at the wedding (at first she wanted them to be, but everyone talked her out of bringing 2 small boys--one of whom is quite autistic and easily overstimulated. Plus they'd have to pay for airfare for 4, instead of 2), nor her BFF.

I don't even want to go to Vegas...BTDT. We can't afford for my DH to join me, either. I'd SO much rather have a new bike and get to see my sister get married within driving distance (we live in MI, they live in WI)...see my folks, see my nephews, etc. She doesn't realize that by getting married in Vegas and having only a handful of guests that she will be missing out on a lot of fun (and gifts from a much broader group of friends. As it is we will be putting so much money into my participation for her wedding that THAT will be their gift from us. Christmas will be slim, too). Weddings are dumb.

[bmccasland]

I vote for new bicycle and hope little sister comes to her senses, or someone knocks some good sense into her head.

If little sister wants to have a destination wedding where no one can afford to go, and she isn't springing for the tickets and hotels - then let her have her nice wedding with the staff there as witnesses. Who was she planning on getting to take care of her kids while she pulls this stunt?

[smilingcat]

If the sister wants to do the Vegas wedding to the hilt, she should do the Elvis at the drive through wedding. That'll be cheaper without getting all the family involved.

Maybe, you can talk her into the drive through if only few can make it. And have a reception back home where everyone can get together.

And hope that she comes to her senses. Idea of Elvis and drive through may be enough to convince her that Vegas wedding isn't a great idea. I just don't see any appeal of Vegas.

Yup you can't choose your familia!

[zoom-zoom]

Who was she planning on getting to take care of her kids while she pulls this stunt?

My folks. Ridiculous, isn't it? This is pretty much the story of her life. She and her DH-to-be barely keep their heads above water, as is. She works part time as a waitress at a Perkins and I don't think he makes more than maybe $25k/year.

I truly cannot imagine going off and getting married somewhere where most of my friends and family could not afford to take part in the day. I can't figure out why she and her fiance don't simply honeymoon in Vegas--that would make the most sense. Originally she wanted to be married by Elvis, until she started pricing that.

The friend who is standing as her MOH will have turned 21 just days before the wedding, so I know this trip will be very much about them all seeing how drunk they can remain for several days. Totally not my thing (I mean, hey...I like being a silly drunk as much as anyone, but in the safety of my own home and not for days on end). I think the wedding will be on a Weds., so I am planning to fly on Tues. and leave on Thurs. or Fri. I really hope our brother can go, since I adore him and his GF. Vegas with them would actually be fun. He just started a new job, though, so I'm not sure he'll be able to take off for several days in the middle of the week, like that.

[zoom-zoom]

I just don't see any appeal of Vegas.

Yup you can't choose your familia!

Ain't that the truth!

I liked my first trip to Vegas with DH for our anniversary a few years back--it's fun to see any new place for the first time. It was fun the next time I went, a year later, with a group of runner friends to run the marathon. Last Fall we were there for a couple of nights after our JDRF ride in Death Valley and we stayed in "old" downtown Vegas and I really preferred that. Less crowded, less smoke, cheaper costs for everything. We ventured onto the strip one night and it just annoyed me, by that point.

Really, after a few trips to Vegas it no longer holds any real appeal. Too many people, WAY too much smoke (my asthma really kicks into high gear in that place), too much hassle getting around.

[Blueberry]

Get the bike and don't go. Maybe your folks can offer to throw a "welcome home" party for them (nothing fancy - just a chance to get together and share some snacks). That way you're still supporting her and the marriage, without spending a boat load of money.

I don't see why you should sacrifice to enable what appears to be a fiasco in the making. (Of course, I've been called grumpy in these situations. We went to the last one with the BIL at DH's insistence. It was as bad as I feared. I hope the lesson has been learned - but I doubt it.)

ETA: On further reflection, maybe separate the bike from the decision to go. Would you not want to go anyway? Then don't go. What you do with the extra money is up to you. I wouldn't look at it as an if, then proposition (nor would I share that with your family).

[zoom-zoom]

If my sister weren't a raving lunatic I would simply opt not to go...but here's the thing: if I don't go she will become VERY belligerent and vengeful. She has been like this since she was a teenager. She's been known to tell lies about people when it suits her. Years ago she was caught sneaking out of the house. She threw me under the bus, then; telling our folks that I did the same thing as a teen (I didn't, not even once. She, on the other hand, hung out with huffers and got nailed for underage drinking at least twice, then flunked out of community college...got knocked-up when she was 20, then again <2 years later). I shudder to think what she would do if I decided not to attend her wedding. The sad thing is that of everyone in her immediate family and friends, I am the one most financially able to attend and stand up. She thrives on drama and would make a ton of it if I bailed, I'm afraid.

[zoom-zoom]

It would be easier if I didn't 100% support the marriage, but I do. Her fiance is a great guy. Not perfect, but perfect for her and the only real father her boys have ever known.

[ny biker]

ETA: On further reflection, maybe separate the bike from the decision to go. Would you not want to go anyway? Then don't go. What you do with the extra money is up to you. I wouldn't look at it as an if, then proposition (nor would I share that with your family).

Yeah, there are two issues here. The bigger one is that your sister is not a raving lunatic, she's a manipulator. If she didn't have kids I'd say you'd probably be better off keeping your distance from her.

[indysteel]

ETA: On further reflection, maybe separate the bike from the decision to go. Would you not want to go anyway? Then don't go. What you do with the extra money is up to you. I wouldn't look at it as an if, then proposition (nor would I share that with your family).

This^^^^.

[zoom-zoom]

Yeah, there are two issues here. The bigger one is that your sister is not a raving lunatic, she's a manipulator. If she didn't have kids I'd say you'd probably be better off keeping your distance from her.

Yeah, that's pretty much spot-on. The only thing we really have in common is having boys of about the same age. We live about 8 hours apart. Even if we lived closer we'd likely not socialize much.

It's only in the last couple of years that my folks have admitted that they enabled her behavior for many years. There was a period of at least a year when I didn't talk to anyone in my family, aside from my brother. I went to visit my mom and sister for my sister's first Mother's day. It was a nightmare and I ended up driving home on Mother's Day, after spending a night in a hotel with my toddler son. When I arrived at my sister's home it was in shambles (beds totally unmade, stuff all over the floor, no childproofing done, no food in the house after I drove all that way with little kid who needed to eat). My sister was completely obnoxious when we were out with our boys...saying to people "my baby's cuter, isn't he?" Totally awkward. Her little guy was crying several times in the night and I was the one who got up to care for him the first night. Her excuse was that she thought it was my son crying (seriously, my son was 14 months and hers was 7 months--their cries sounded NOTHING alike).

After all of that my mom blamed me...saying that I was too inflexible. Hence the not talking to my 'rents or sister for so long. My sister got knocked-up with baby #2 while living under my parents' roof. They financially supported her and the boys for a couple of years and blew a lot of what little retirement savings they had. And then my mom lost her job a year ago.

She's matured a LOT since then, but compared to most women in their early 30s she still behaves like a petulant child. I'm really thankful that a Great Lake separates us. I'm still hoping that she will change her wedding plans between now and Dec.

[Crankin]

Your sister needs to see a mental health professional.
Seriously, this is a pattern, diagnosable.
I would be very worried about her kids.

[Veronica]

I think you should get the bike - not for your sake, but for your son's. The two of you could create so many great memories. I think that's more important than making your idiot sister happy. She just sounds so incredibly selfish - a destination wedding that no one in the family can comfortably afford, just so she can stay drunk for days on end... words fail me.

Veronica

[zoom-zoom]

Your sister needs to see a mental health professional.
Seriously, this is a pattern, diagnosable.
I would be very worried about her kids.

She's a surprisingly good mom, all things considered. Her youngest's autism diagnosis was a blessing in disguise--she had to suddenly start behaving herself when it became clear that he was struggling. She met her fiance around the same time and he's a very good guy (we joke that he's a "lite" version of my DH). It's the rest of her family who ends up receiving the brunt of her bad behavior.

[zoom-zoom]

I think you should get the bike - not for your sake, but for your son's. The two of you could create so many great memories. I think that's more important than making your idiot sister happy. She just sounds so incredibly selfish - a destination wedding that no one in the family can comfortably afford, just so she can stay drunk for days on end... words fail me.

Veronica

Yeah, that's pretty much my thinking, too.

I think I need to talk this over with my mom. Even if money were no object for her or for us the whole thing makes me really uncomfortable. It's rather bridezilla-ish to plan a wedding that is a major inconvenience for everyone, but the couple. Especially when her sons will be 10 and 11.5 and won't get to see their mom and "dad" marry. At best it's weird.